Pat D Sez

Louis C.K. has made me blog again

2010-06-30T08:32:00.000-07:00

Hey. It's been a while.

THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A TELEVISION SHOW LIKE F/X'S LOUIE...EVER...

Great, hyperbole out of the way early, but just in case you missed it - THERE HAS NEVER BEEN A TELEVISION SHOW LIKE F/X'S LOUIE...EVER.

Seriously. Louie is such a singular achievement in a world where we have long thought nothing new could be done to shake up the sitcom formula. I am in awe.

Here's how all sitcoms work and have worked regardless of what they're about through the history of time. There is a short tease to start the episode wherein a problem of some sort is brought up. Then there is an opening credits sequence (these have, admittedly, been phased out as of late so sometimes there's not) then someone formulates a plan on how to solve said problem and it doesn't work. Commercial. New plan, problem solved. Commercial. Final sting with a joke and we're out. Also, during this whole process another, less important and usually jokier, story is playing out. It's resolution usually ties in with what is going on in the other story.

That's how it works, folks. From Dick Van Dyke to Ray Romano, Roseanne to Arrested Development, Lucy to iCarly. That's it. That's how it goes.

Oh but wait...you mean, it doesn't always have to do that? See, we've been told it does. And it's not a bad formula. Greatness has come from this and it can and has been played for smirky, wink-wink in-jokes for forever, but it's a formula that has been clung to for as long as sitcoms existed. Networks make you do it. There are books about it.

Louis C.K. doesn't give a shit about that and luckily he had enough clout to convince F/X to allow him to do a show with complete creative control. This is his vision, folks. now upon first glance an idiot may try and tell you that Louie is like Seinfeld because C.K.'s stand up is interspersed throughout the show. It's not like Seinfeld. That's a stupid assessment. Then, maybe some other idiots will tell you it's like Curb Your Enthusiasm seeing as how C.K. is technically playing a modified version of himself, a comedian who is irked by lots of stuff. It's not like Curb Your Enthusiasm. That's a stupid assessment.

Louie follows no traditional sitcom rules, so although it certainly borrows some aspects of other shows and can, sometimes, be tonally similar, it's something all it's own. First of all, there are not three acts and no conflict resolution that plays out over 22 minutes. Louie has two completely separate pieces that play more like two short films than anything else. There is no B-story anywhere to be found because Louie doesn't have any true supporting characters. As far as I can tell they will change week to week. Oh and you know what else? It's still really fucking funny...and then sometimes it's not. I was staggered by the opening sequence of episode 2.

Let me set the scene, Louie is playing poker with some of his comedian buddies. Guys you'd recognize, Jim Norton, Nick DiPaelo all playing themselves, when talk turns to one of their poker buddies who happens to be gay (I'm not sure who he is and I'm not gonna pretend). What follows is a pointed conversation between these comedians and their use of the word faggot on stage. It's a funny conversation, but it's also eye-opening and, dare I say it, touching. None of these "characters" betray themselves in the moment. It's well written and it's FUCKING honest. You have never seen a scene like this on a sitcom...ever. And, you know what? It's the whole first act.

Louie is remarkable. It looks great. It's gritty. It feels like New York. It sounds great. The dialogue is spot on and, again, real. It's a comedy, sure but it's also about this man, this real life man going through a divorce and trying to live. It's the Friday Night Lights of sitcoms and if you have ever worked in television and have been told it has to be a done a specific way, fuck that, Louie is proving it doesn't.

It's inspiring.

Because Dan's right, there are no headbands in college.

2009-09-22T11:31:00.000-07:00

Well, like most shows that take their high schoolers to college, Gossip Girl is really testing out those growing pains. Last night's episode was entertaining to watch, but when I sit down and think about it, it's officially a marked drop off from the previous seasons and, truth be told, I'm a little worried. Alright, let's get into it.

-Carter Baizen. No thanks. Go away. Remember Aaron Rose? Yeah. Carter's not that bad, but in the Serena Van Der Woodsen relationship spectrum he falls somewhere in between the horror of Aaron Rose and the sometimes likability of Dan Humphrey.

-I think maybe I'm in the minority, but I don't care about Serena at all. I care about Serena less than I cared about Marissa Cooper and let me tell you I did not care about Marissa Cooper.

-There's no way this current Serena storyline can be satisfying for me as a viewer. I don't care when she's good and I totally don't buy it when she's bad. She's only interesting when she's with Dan, but when she's with Dan then Dan isn't interesting. It's a sticky situation.

-I'm really on the Dan bandwagon, by the way. He's still pretentious and stupid but in a really pleasant way.

-Gossip Girl - how dare you beat me over the head with Nate and Whatsherface and have absolutely no Eric or Lil' J in the whole episode. Fuck you, Gossip Girl. Fuck you.

-"And no Riverdale doesn't count." Attagirl, Blair. Attagirl.

-I am not into nice Chuck. "For your information I told Rufus about you not going to Brown because I was concerned." YUCK. Please, don't let this be the case. Please let this be a long ruse where you lure Serena in and then at the end of the season you poison her to death with poison.

-What was the deal with Scott freaking out about the professor thing? Mara and I were perplexed. Does he have tourettes? By the way, that guys name is Scott and like a lot of this show so far this season he is not interesting.

-Who are all these non-descript businessmen who want to invest in a Chuck Bass venture? I usually don't hold the show accountable for it's reality flaws but come on.

-And while we're on the subject. - a party on the roof of an NYU dorm? Again, come on!

-On the reality side of things though, Blair's right, clubs on the weekend are totally bridge and tunnel.

_Ok let's talk about my beloved Georgina. Am I wrong or is Georgina the single most compelling character on the show? Chuck and Blair are foundering big time and everyone else makes me want to throw up (except Lil' J. I love Lil' J) Let's cut right to the chase everyone, yes Georgina is evil and yes Georgina is plotting to bring Blair down and yes that's why she's awesome. The insincerity was oozing out of her when she complimented Vanessa on her stupid documentary (she was almost as insincere as V herself when she said "Aw shucks! Come on guys!" Or something like that.) Please don't let Georgina go away. Don't let her go on that stupid nurse show. Stay, G stay. Please!

-"The only queens here are the ones with tickets to see Liza at Carnegie Hall." I didn't like this. I thought it was cheap and not funny and worst of all not Chuck Bass.

-Still love Dorota, that's for sure.

-Never gonna stop hating Rufus. Remember when Dan was like "ask Rufus he's a good dad" and I was like "Uhm no he's not. He's the opposite of being a good dad. He's a bad dad." And as Mara pointed out - he's looking a bit puffy. I bet that actor that plays Rufus is as douchy as Rufus. Just an inkling.

OK. I didn't like this episode. There were some funny moments, but ultimately it's fell very, very flat for me. Think about it there are two central storylines going on (out of about 4 altogether) that have no juice at all. They're completely uninteresting and they take up 50% of the show and the other 50% is lagging as well. Chuck and Blair are blergh right now and this whole Scott thing is gonna turn into a mess. I can't believe I'm saying this but right now I'm incredibly pessimistic about the season as a whole.

Georgina Sparks saves it from being an outright F and brings it up to a D.

Pick up the pace guys. Maybe some Cyrus next week and definitely some Jenny Humphrey PLEASE!

Because...well, because it's the MOTHAFUCKING season premiere MOTHAFUCKAHS

2009-09-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

Fall is here and I, for one, could not be happier. The air will get crisp, I will talk about wanting to go apple picking and then never go apple picking and of course that means the return of Gossip Girl - the single greatest television show in the history of time and space.

-Welcome back everyone, I missed you all so much. Oh wait, no I didn't. I totally forgot. I didn't miss Rufus because I hate him. He's the worst. And I didn't miss Dan. Well that's not entirely true I kind of, sort of missed Dan. He's growing on me. But I, for sure didn't miss Serena. I missed the way her boobs looked in flowy dresses but I can see them in those fake tabloid pictures I'm sure. I wish she would have stayed in whatever foreign country(ies) she was in (I tend to not pay close attention to Serena storylines).

-This premiere episode felt like a lot of set-up for me. It wasn't bad (it can never be bad) it just wasn't particularly memorable.

-Vanessa's hair gained weight.

-You see this is why Rufus is so stupid - if a teenager approaches you anywhere and tells you that he/she is just a really big fan of your stupid band, know this - HE'S LYING! Just a good rule of thumb, ok? Great.

-CONCERN ALERT: Blair and Chuck are less fun when they're together. I know we think we want it, but we don't.

-RUNAWAY BRIDE!

-Alright Vanessa. Enough. If someone gave you a limo to drive around in all day, like you wouldn't? You could take it Ricky's and buy earrings. (Do they even sell earrings at Ricky's?)

-Jenny and Eric are the new Will and Grace. No they're not.

-If you were Jenny Humphrey's father (In this case, Rufus) would you let her walk around looking like that? I know you'd like to think you'd be progressive and all "I just want my daughter to be able to express herself" but you wouldn't. It's not even that she looks slutty it's that she looks she's just been busy finishing up all this heroin. Add to the fact that I'm now starting to think she's the hottest one on the show and you've got yourself a problem on your hands, fella (in this case Rufus).

-This long, lost son storyline is just going to serve to mean more Rufus, so I'm against it.

-I have to talk about Carter Baizen right? Ok. Done.

-Blair's most memorable line of the night came early when she told that girl she had "American Girl hair" which is a problem because, truth is, it's not that great of a line. It's good, yes, but it's not up to Waldorf standards.

-Chuck's military jacket thing? Yes.

-Nate Archibald? No.

-Seriously, Nate is really dumb.

-Glad to see Joanna Garcia, late of Privileged, in the mix here. She might make me not want to fast forward through the Nate bits.

-They don't check ID's at polo matches.

-Vanessa's new bf/Dan and Serena's half brother wears khakis. Khakis are stupid. No one should wear them. Unless that person is someone's dad. But even then...

- I like Nate's nefarious grandfather.

-Chuck made a Jules et Jim reference which baffles me on two levels. The first being - who do they think watches this show? I guess more people who would get a Jules et Jim reference than I would expect (and let me just say this, I'm not being all hoity toity like oh I totally get it, I only get it because I had to watch that movie in college and you know what? It sucks. It's boring. I'd much rather watch Point Break. RIP Bodhi. You're missed!) And second for the small minority who do get it, do you expect us to believe, based on the character you've created, that Nate would get it? But you do. You want us to believe that that dummy gets a Jules et Jim reference and he's not even in college! Come on. At least have Chuck make that reference to Vanessa. She's a pretentious snob.

-Thanks.

Ok, here's the thing-the episode was fine. Nothing earth shattering, but fine. It looks like we're back to form next week with appearances from Doroda as well as one of my favorites - Georgina Sparks. Until then this episode is a B.

I'm Over Here Now

2009-09-03T10:22:00.001-07:00

Hey. I haven't been updating much I know because I'm concentrating on a new blog for a while.

You can go here to read it.

http://the100bestrecordsofthedecade.blogspot.com/

No fear, though I'll be back around for Gossip Girl.

Hey, remember the 90s?

2009-07-29T12:19:00.000-07:00

I watched Chasing Amy last night. The whole thing. It was on IFC and I decided to watch it. It hasn't aged all that well and is certainly not as good as I remember it, but there is still some stuff in there that's worth your time. Particularly Joey Lauren Adams. What happened to her? She's really good in that movie and, let's face it, with that voice she's starting in a hole. Her scene outside the hockey arena is the best scene in the entire movie.

What really struck me about Chasing Amy though is how much I miss the 90s. You remember the 90s don't you? Everyone called each other on pay phones, smoked in bars and shopped at record stores. They were good days.

Five things in pop culture that I'm finished with.

2009-07-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

-John Gosselin. Really? Enough already with this guy. I didn't care about him to start, then I kind of cared about him because I was told by everyone that I should, then I felt a little bad for him because his wife seemed annoying, then I felt sexist for taking his side when I really didn't know all that much about the situation, then I thought he was a douchebag (what with the earrings and all) then a dickhead (what with the galavanting around town with blonde girls all the while ignoring his EIGHT kids), and now... well now I'm done.

-Mischa Barton's meltdown. Does anyone care about Mischa Barton anymore?

-Entourage, more specifically anything invloving "E" and/or "Turtle. I've been finished with Entourage ever since the episode where Vince drove around with Turtle all day and then bought him really expensive sneakers from the kid who played Rufio in Hook. The show is mesmerizingly bad. Worse than True Blood. In fact, it's way worse. I'm really waiting for someone to tell me that HBO's current Sunday night line-up is just one big practical joke because if they don't I fear the apocalypse may be upon us.

-The Emmys. Ok. This is a big one. People who vote for the Emmys are supposed to watch television, correct? I thought so. Having said that it's safe to assume that most, if not all, Emmy voters have seen Connie Britton and yet for three years running have chosen not to nominate her for her tremendous work on Friday Night Lights. Let me say this, Connie Britton is the best person acting on television right now and she is surrounded by some of the best actors around and still she stands out. I don't get it. I'm at a loss. It's a brilliant show. She's brilliant. The Emmys are dumb.

-NYC Prep, but not for the reasons you'd think. I decided to stop watching the show after the second episode because I feel bad for them. They're being exploited just as badly as the Jon and Kate kids. It's bad. But, that's probably another post for another day.

Some things are just made for me.

2009-07-21T14:35:00.000-07:00

<a href="http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-US&from=sp&vid=02fbd38f-cf72-487c-a788-bbca5eb51d94" target="_new" title=""RENO 911!" and Human Giant Cinemash "Point Break"">Video: "RENO 911!" and Human Giant Cinemash "Point Break"</a>

Get Well, MCA

2009-07-21T09:33:00.001-07:00

I have a real soft spot for the Beastie Boys, so I was very saddened to hear about Adam Yauch's cancerous tumor. Diagnosis seems good and he should recover, but it's still scary and my thoughts are with him for sure. The Beastie Boys are probably, and unfortunately, best known for "License To Ill." They've had a ton of success since then and songs like "Sabotage", "Sure Shot" and "Intergalactic" have kept them relevant, but it's still the stuff on that first record that people tend to think of when they think of the Beastie Boys. That's a damn shame because that record is actually tedious, juvenile and sexist, but their next three records - "Paul's Boutique", "Check Your Head" and "Ill Communication" - are up there as one of the greatest back-to-back-to-back releases in modern music. "Paul's Boutique" is enough of a masterpiece to secure their legacy as one of the most important acts of our generation -add to it the other two records and their future is secure. Each one of those records has recently been remastered and re-released and I suggest you check out the vinyl as it cannot be beaten. So, Adam get well soon. We're all thinking about you.

Aaaaaaaaaaashole! Aaaaaaaaashole!

2009-07-21T08:55:00.000-07:00

Dear Chris Brown,

Fuck you.

My favorite part is when he says "No one is more disappointed in me than me." Really? More than Rihanna. If you say so. You're a dick.

Wardine Be Cry

2009-06-29T20:48:00.000-07:00

I'm loving Infinite Jest, believe it or not. It's a task, but it's one worth taking I think. I'm done here because I want to get back to reading. Byezees!

What I learned from watching "True Blood" last night

2009-06-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

Maryann's power is that she can start a wicked dance party where there had not previously been a dance party. Awesome, True Blood. Awesome.

Andy Bellefleur is the only character I like. In order to save True Blood, they should just have an apocalypse so everyone dies, including vampires, except Andy Bellefleur. I guarantee it would be more interesting.

The "Sam is a dog" story is the single dumbest plotline on any show ever...any show...ever.

Things that are supposed to be funny (like Bill shopping at Forever 21) are just not funny on True Blood. Mostly because the show is so bad.

My "oh this show!" moment from last night came when Lafayette was digging through that guys remains to find his hip replacement. Just gross for gross sake and that guy must be the youngest recipient of a hip replacement in all of history.

I wish Jessica would eat her parents and then Sookie.

True Blood sucks

Infinite Summer

2009-06-22T10:36:00.001-07:00

The good folks at InfiniteSummer.org have convinced thousands to finally hunker down and read David Foster Wallace's mammoth "Infinite Jest" this summer. I'm joining the cause. The book is north of 1,000 pages, so the idea is at least 75 pages a week until the middle of September and that should do it. I've wanted to read this book for a few years now and have cowered in fear at the heft of the damn thing, but knowing there's a support system out there should help matters. I'll be talking about it a bit here on the blog, so I figured you should know about it.

Hot Fucking Dancing

2009-06-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

So, there's this awesome new blog called Hot Fucking Dancing. You should check it out at HotFuckingDancing.tumblr.com. It's just two sweet dudes rocking some killer dance moves. I heard they're going to post new videos of their Hot Fucking Dance moves pretty regularly. In any event, here's video of the first installment. Enjoy.

Hot from Michael Torpey on Vimeo.

These are your people, Sarah Palin.

2009-06-17T20:39:00.001-07:00

Don't get me started on the whole Letterman/Palin thing. It's almost as stupid as "True Blood." I don't think anyone will have trouble guessing which side I'm on, but if for some weird reason you should find yourself on the other side maybe take a look at this and re-evaluate your position.

True Blood is back...

2009-06-15T11:11:00.000-07:00

and still so fucking bad.

I don't have time yet to really delve into how fucking bad the season premiere of "True Blood" was, but it was so, so fucking bad. So wonderfully fucking bad. Everything was just fucking gross and fucking stupid and fucking poorly acted (except for Anna Paquin who I actually think it kind of good, but that guy who plays Bill, who will only be known for this role FOREVER since no one will fucking cast him in anything else because he's so fucking bad, he was epically fucking bad.)

Nevertheless, it's a joy for me to have "True Blood" back because I hate it and sometimes it's fun to hate stuff.

I'll also talk about it more later in the week, like for example when the newly vampired teenager hears Bill's cell phone ring and says "can I have one of those" as if she doesn't know what it is. She's still a teenager who remembers her former non-vampired teenage life, but she doesn't know what a cell phone is? Really? Ha! True Blood is so fucking stupid!

Oh and Tara. I can't wait to talk about Tara. She is so fucking bad.

SO FUCKING BAD!

I'll bet the Hold Steady saved someone's life last night

2009-06-11T12:36:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that rock 'n roll can sometimes be transcendent, but this fact is usually relegated to one's youth. The discovery of bands that will one day become among your favorites is an experience unlike any other, but the child-like joy usually dies out somewhere around the time you discover cynicism. However, if there's one band in the world that can make you forget all of that bad shit, it's The Hold Steady and boy oh boy did they do it for me last night.

The show, like every Hold Steady show I've ever been to, was balls-out fun. If you haven't seen the Hold Steady - do it! Whether or not you consider yourself a fan does not matter. Their records are great, their live shows are other worldly. So, obviously there was much dancing, singing and clapping along with youthful abandon, many beers consumed and toasts were raised to "Saint Joe Strummer". But, last night something magical happened that I have never seen at any show ever and can guarantee never will again (unless of course it becomes a Hold Steady ritual, which may be the case.)

Allow me to paint a picture...

The show ends and the lights go up and as people start to file out Bruce Springsteen's "Thunder Road" plays over the PA and if you're a Hold Steady fan, you're a Bruce fan so like second nature we all start singing along, but then none of us want to leave until the song's over so we all just kind of hang out and sing the song in unison. It's a sweet moment, a nice way to cap off a great show. Rob Sheffield's there singing with us and it's really nice. As the song is playing, many file out but a good number stay and we catch a glimpse of Franz Nicolay (the keyboard player for THS) on the balcony, so we direct our voices towards him and we are all BEST FRIENDS at this point. A bunch of music fans putting everything aside to just enjoy each other and the band we love. "Thunder Road" ends and then it gets crazy. The follow-up? "Rosalita."

To explain what happens next is not something that can be fully put into words. If you don't know, "Rosalita" is ten minutes of absolute joy and the moment we heard the opening bars, we weren't going anywhere. The remaining 60-75 of us have a sing-along dance party fueled by nothing but pure happiness. Smiles were plastered on our faces as we put our arms around each other and sang along, started a dance circle and acted like kids. The Hold Steady boys all congregated on the balcony with smiles as big as ours, singing along with us and taking pictures of all us old people acting like we did the first time we'd ever been to a show.

As the song ends The Hold Steady come out to the stage to wave goodbye and say thank you to us, with smiles as big as ours.

For one night, rock 'n roll was transcendent again.

Here's some video of the craziness. It's long and may not be as entertaining if you weren't there, but it's still nice to know it happened.

Rosie's back

2009-05-25T22:03:00.000-07:00

After its unceremonious dumping from the Nick at Note roster in favor of relentless blocks of George Lopez and Home Im-fucking-provement, Roseanne is back on cable! TV Land is running the greatest sitcom of all time at 9 and 9:90 and then at from midnight to 1:30. So, great!

RIP Jay Bennett

2009-05-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

Jay Bennett was in Wilco. He was one of the men who created "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" - one of the great records of this decade. Jay Bennett had a contentious relationship with Wilco leader Jeff Tweedy and this relationship was the focal point of the excellent documentary "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart." After Jay Bennett left Wilco, he never had the same success but this doesn't change the fact that Jay Bennett was supremely talented - a truly excellent musician and his death is incredibly sad. During his time in Wilco Jay and Jeff were like Mick and Kieth. They were partners. Those records could not have been made without both of them. Jay Bennett was 45 years old when he went to sleep and didn't wake up. We'll miss Jay Bennett.

The last thing I'll say about American Idol OR: Why America is still struggling with it's homophobia

2009-05-20T21:32:00.000-07:00

I'm sad tonight. I'm sad that Adam Lambert lost American Idol. Here's the thing - I'm not sad that he lost the singing competition. That doesn't bother me. Adam Lambert will eclipse the winner, Kris Allen, as well as mostly every other "Idol" that came before him. Adam Lambert will be successful, but that's not what this was about...not this season.

I recently likened Adam Lambert to Jackie Robinson and initially I laughed it off as nothing more than a drunken rant, but the more I think about it, it's not that far off. Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier and was the first black player in Major League Baseball. He changed the way people thought about blacks because he excelled at something. He was the best. Baseball, in that time, was the American pastime - the most popular thing in the country. Today, not so much. Today, American Idol, for better or worse, is the most popular thing in this country and whether we like it or not it takes the pulse of how we're feeling and, more importantly, how we're doing. It's bigger than a singing competition. Now depending on who you are, this may seem like a sorry state of affairs, but that's not changing its validity. There were a hundred million votes for this thing. That cannot be denied.

Adam Lambert may or may not be gay and this cost him the title last night. He's not "out", but that doesn't matter, the court of public opinion has spoken. For some reason, in this country it's okay to be prejudiced against gays. Our politicians can continually decree that they don't support gay marriage because if they were to they would be unelectable. Even Barack Obama, guys - he has contributed to turning his back on civil rights when he came out against gay marriage and the fact that he probably isn't actually against it makes it that much more deplorable. It's spineless. It makes him a liar.

Anyway, I digress. Adam Lambert not winning American Idol is a bigger deal than surface would suggest. Here's some truth - Adam was consistently the best performer week in and week out on American Idol. He was the most daring, the most progressive - he changed the game. There was no way anyone would beat Adam Lambert, but then when push came to shove someone did. I'm not bagging on Kris Allen. He seems nice. But the American Idol? Come on.

In a year when California ignorantly voted against gay marriage, a Broadway queen winning American Idol would have meant a lot. It would have been a step forward. A change from the norm. But, it didn't happen. This isn't about how the gay community reacts to someone like Adam Lambert, either. That's irrelevant. It's about how the rest of America reacts to him...and they were so close. So damn close. But it didn't happen and that disappoints me.

I didn't want Adam to win because he's gay (or probably gay). I wanted Adam to win because he deserved to win. He was the best. Bar none. He was humble and sweet and he could sing. He was just better. And he didn't win. The best man didn't win and my fear is that he didn't win because of his perceived sexuality and if that's the case America, then we've still got a long way to go.

I know this is not keeping with the usual tone of this blog and this may sound overly idealistic and maybe even a bit condescending and for that I apologize. It's not meant that way. I just want to say, you don't have to be gay to care about this. I, believe it or not, am not gay, but I understand that this is about equality. You just have to care. You just have to be a human being. Am I suggesting if you didn't vote for Adam than you're a homophobe? Absolutely not. Kris is both talented and likable. But understand that there are people out there who did just that. Who didn't vote for Kris, but voted against Adam. We're not there yet and based on the way the season was going, I thought maybe we were. But we're close. We need to cross that threshold, though. This is a fight worth fighting.

I'll go back to being funny later, I promise.

Because Gossip Girl is NOT a twink with Zac Effron hair and also because...I love you too.

2009-05-20T09:08:00.000-07:00

NOTE: Because I did a running diary, I needed someone to recap the glorious finale of our favorite show, so I turned to our good friend Anonymous, or Franny. And so it goes...

Ya see that?! ya like how I copied his style with the title? Well, enough of that let's get down to it...

First of all Lorianne - I do have a spelling problem, I was born premature OK!. I have learning disabilities! Would you poke fun at Donna Martin? Of course you would, but I digress.

Serena, get that tassel right out of your hair. Silly twat! Are you kidding me! At my high school graduation we didn't even receive real diplomas till a week later so they could control us at graduation. We were told that if we threw our hats, like all normal graduates do (as Television and movies would have us believe) we wouldn't graduate. I see how redic that is now for us to ever have believed. Why would we wanna throw those hats up? Someone could lose an eye...at least that's what the nuns said.

Anyway, back to GG Why in god's name would "the new girl" come to Constance on the last day of the school year before her freshman year even started just to be a bitch to cool chicks from Brooklyn who look like Courtney Love during her Versace Stage (who's gay ...ME?) IT MAKES NO SENSE!

Also..Eric's boyfriend almost being gossip girl made me furious. I yelled out in protest...LAME!

Some lines I liked were...

1.) Blair: "sleeping with the dregs of DUMBO", followed by Vanessa: "I'm standing right here!"

2.) Anything out of Nelly Yuki's Mouth.

Also where the fuck is CeCe? She's my Queen and why wouldn't she come to her granddaughter's graduation? I LOVE CECE!

Finally it's time to discuss something I know we all hate...Lily and Rufus! proposing to Lily with that wrapper or whatever the fuck that thing was was not only schmaltzy (call the schmaltz police) but it was plagiarized from like 4,0000 sitcoms, Lifetime movies, ABC movies of the week...I could go on...and those pieces of shit, they plagiarized it from a fucking soap opera...this is the exact way Luke Spencer proposed to Laura on General Hospital in 1981. I know, I know I was only a year old then but I know my shit. I was raised on soap operas! Just ask my mother, Lily Reynolds Bass...oh wait it's just Lily Reynolds.

That's all........................

This post is about old people. There you have it.

2009-05-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

So, Gossip Girl is over for the season and for me American Idol ended last week when the Evil Widower was bested by the forces of good (though truth be told, it really ended when Allison was unceremoniously sent home two weeks too early), so it looks like I'm going to have to find some other things to blog about.

How about old people?

Listen, guys old people are so great. They're just really funny. My favorite thing about old people is the moment when they decide to just say "fuck it!" This happens, I'm convinced, to each and every elderly person at some point. A switch just goes off in their heads which compels them to forget everything they have ever learned about common courtesy and politeness (actually a word, huh.) and because they're old and frail, we allow it to happen because, let's face it - shit's funny.

Case in point, I was at Dunkin' Donuts on Friday before going to Philadelphia to speak to a classroom full of high school girls about the finer points of comedy - which is sort of comedy in it's own right, but it was great. I nailed it. And I told this story. Anyway, back to one. Dunkin' Donuts. This may be difficult to explain so bare with me. I don't know about your Dunkin' Donuts, but most of the ones I've been to have an area where you order and then down a few feet there's a pick-up area, should you be getting something other than coffee. Well an old lady - a glorious, fantastic old lady - was standing in said area complaining to anyone who would listen to her about how there wasn't enough space for her to move around down at the pick-up area. This is hilarious, because it makes absolutely no sense and nonsense is best spouted by people to whom it makes perfect sense. And to her, it did. Of this I am certain.

Following her rant which at this point had me openly laughing, she got her coffee and said to the clerk "now gimmie a couple-a Splenda. And don't be cheap." She kept repeating this - "don't be cheap" - as a sort of mantra and I officially lost it. Here's why this is so funny. Her telling the guy, and trust me she was commanding him - this was a period-end-of-sentence-command as opposed to a period-end-of-sentence-suggestion...anyway, her telling this guy to not be cheap with regards to Splenda is so absurd. Look, if she was getting sugar in her coffee, telling the guy to "not be cheap" would make sense. You could ask for two sugars and he could short change you, it's in a communal vat and in an effort to save money he could have feasibly cheated her (though, my mother always says with regards to Dunkin' Donuts and their sugar giving - "they have a heavy sugar hand" and she's right), but there is no way to do this with Splenda. You ask for a number of Splenda and they give it to you. THEY ARE PRE-PACKAGED! HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN CHEAP WITH IT!

In her defense she didn't specify a number of Splena. She said "a couple-a Splenda" which could have meant she was leaving the denomination up to him, but in my world and I'd assume just about everyone else's, a couple means two. If you want more, lady be specific. It's that simple. Old people are also paranoid that because they're old everyone's trying to pull fast ones on them all the time.

Old people are fascinating.

Because it's the season finale, ya'll!!!

2009-05-18T18:57:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it's not a live blog, it's a running diary. Suck it.

8:00 Previously on..."you know, you love me." Yep, I do.

8:01 - Mara just said re: Serena - "bracelet is stunning."

8:02 - Nate called him "grandpa", just like a real boy. So much Vanessa exposition. Now, I feel caught up. She took the SATs, is going to NYU and backpacking. Why can't they do that with Dan?

8:03 - Eric is really tiny. I wonder if that contributed to his being gay?

8:04 - "I thought we were gonna match our headbands under our caps." That's one for Waldorf!

8:05 - Woah is Dan, sorry Don , Humphrey.

8:06 - Mara: "This lighting is very early 90's sitcom that is usually inside except here it's outside. Do you know what I'm saying." I don't.

8:06 - At which point I wonder if they put a wig on me and I walked really fast, could I pass as one of the "extra" graduates. Probably not.

8:07 - Cyrus! Fabulous!

8:08 - I'm sure everyone noticed, but how does Serena get away with wearing a tassle in her hair and no grad cap?

8:08 - "Gossip Girl is going down!" Oh snap. Business just picked the FUCK up!

8:10 - I hate Dani.

8:11 - "Besides she didn't say anything about us." Just like everyone else. YARI!

8:12 - "I'll run some stats." - That's one for Bass

8:12 - Rufus needs to BEAT IT!

8:13 - Mara thinks Nate's suit doesn't fit. I disagree. I wish I could find a suit that fit like that. I miss the Duchess

8:14 - "The Insider - what's that" "Uh, it's a tabloid TV show." Never thought I'd say this...but that's one for Humphrey.

8:16 - Dan just pulled a Rufus. Finally his bad behavior has rubbed off on his son.

8:18 - The Nelly Yuki eats moments are cheap, but pretty funny nonetheless.

8:18 - I am submitting it right now - gay Jonathan is NOT gossip girl.

8:22 - Knew it

8:23 - I like Taylor Momsen so much more now that I've heard her band.

8:24 - YES A PRIVATE FALCON CREST CONCERT! (THROW UP NOISES)

8:25 - Lily is too good for Rufus.

8:25 - Really sweet moment between Blair and Eleanor. Blair looks HOT!

8:26 - Nelly Yuki dancing shots are cheap, but really funny.

8:28 - When did "the girls on the steps" become "the mean girls?" What was once so clever has now become so generic.

8:30 - "What about my headband?" "I admire it" That's one for Waldorf and one for Bass. Good show.

8:32 - AWESOME! This episode at the half way mark is just really fun. I love that gossip girl is the common enemy.

8:33 - "Like you weren't with the dregs of DUMBO!" Point Waldorf.

8:34 - Nelly Yuki is having a helluva episode.

8:35 - Enough Chuck. You're almost pure evil.

8:37 - Hello, Emmy people, it's Pat Driscoll, don't be a bunch of fucking snobs, alright and nominate Leighton Meester. She is brilliant. Funny, angry, vulnerable. EVERYTHING.

8:37 - Mara and I agree, we're done with "Chuck and Blair." It should have just happened. It didn't, so... peace!

8:39 - Mara -"Enough with your glory days Rufus."

8:44 - Blair passing the torch to Jenny is a pantheon moment.

8:45 - Dan: "I Loopt you!" Ha! My world's collide!

8:51 - "My mother married an entertainment lawyer." One for Blair. Blair wins tonight's battle.

8:52 - Worst Nate Archibald line reading ever. "What's up Dan? Vanessa?"

8:53 - NO EFFING WAY! NO EFFING WAY! DAN'S GAY IN THE BOOKS! DAN'S GAY IN THE BOOKS!

8:55 - "Haven't you ever heard of a foreign queen." It's Waldorf in a landslide.

8:55 - At which point I realize it's Dan's brother and flip out!

8:56 - IT IS, IT IS! YES!

8:57 - Really tied the whole Poppy thing up in a sweet little bow, huh? I couldn't be more excited about this Georgina business! This is great...

8:58 - Lots-O-Cliffhangers! They make me happy. All of them.

8:59 - Alright, fine. He gets this last chance, but this is it. Fine. I'll take it.

All in all, well... it was good. Not great. I'm excited about these cliffhangers though. Great season. It was fun. Franny's gonna guest blog this shit later in the week, so stay tuned.

Episode B
Season B+

An Open Letter to America

2009-05-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

Drear America,

Well it's about time. Listen, I'm still not over the whole Allison thing, but this is certainly a positive step on the road to redemption. I honestly don't care who wins now, I just wanted to see the Evil Widower bested. And we've done it! Congratulations! I like this final two and I like both guys. I think both will find success in different areas of the music industry, but most importantly - I look forward to never having to hear the name "Danny Gokey" again.

Nice work, America...finally,

Pat

An Open Letter to Danny Gokey

2009-05-13T12:19:00.000-07:00

Dear Danny Gokey,

You're the worst.

I have diligently watched this season of American Idol and that is the only conclusion I can come to. You are a poor man's Taylor Hicks. Yes, Taylor Hicks is better than you. Don't believe me? You Tube Taylor Hicks' performance of "You Are So Beautiful" and then watch yours (you know, the performance which Simon called "a master class vocal" because he anointed you final 2 at the start of the season and can't turn back now no matter how much it's hurting his credibility as someone who is supposed to judge talent). Guess what Gokey? Hicks blows you out of the water.

Listen Danny, it's no secret that I don't like you. I really don't like you and I think that you've ascended to this spot unfairly in every single respect. I am positive had the producers of Idol chose not to focus on you so much during the audition process and during Hollywood week you would not be in this position. Further, I know for a fact that had you not had a dead wife, you wouldn't have made it to the Top 10. You have had only one memorable performance this whole competition and that was when you gave easily the worst Idol performance of the year last week with your awkward and tone-deaf imagining of "Dream On."

Danny, I think you're smug. I think you think you're great. I think it's embarrassing when you clap for yourself after your performances and even more so when you exclaim "Thank You!!!" to the audience as if you were some sort of rock star or Oscar winner. I hated how you screwed up your duet with Kris by effing up the words, thus effing Kris up and never owning up to it - especially after Simon said you were better than him. That was low. I hated how when Kris tried to engage you during the duet, you refused to look at him. I hate that you're still in this competition and I hate how the judges force you down America's throat each and every week especially when they gave you an "A for effort" last week, which is ludicrous. They would never have given Matt Giraud an A for effort, or Anoop or anyone else - only you. And while we're on this, if you're in the top 4 and all you can get is "good effort" you don't deserve to be there. I hated when, on results night last week you talked about how you watched your performance of "Dream On" and laughed about it. That's so condescending to the people who deserved to still be there, namely everyone else and especially to the person who was sent home that night who absolutely killed her two performances while you admitted that you sucked. You're such a dick.

I hate your necklaces and your stupid glasses and when you said "I meditated on it for a while" - shut up, Gokey! I hated when you had your hands all over Allison during the cake fight. She's a child and you're a gross, old man. I hate your dumb smirk. I hate your dancing. I hate when you pretend to act all "goofy". I hate it all.

Danny, you know a lot of people who know me may say this is just sour grapes because Allison's gone and at 17 has so much more class and talent than you. And they're not totally wrong, but they're not totally right either. Yes, I loved Allison. I thought she was great and definitely think she should have been final two with Adam. However, I was on the I-hate-Danny bus long before, and it's been documented here.

Danny,again - you're the worst. It's a travesty that you're still in this competition and, if there's any justice at all you'll be gone tonight and it will be the last I ever have to see of you. You're only shot to become relevant is winning this thing and if you win this thing, well then I quit.

Sincerely,

Pat

Because...well, because I'm not even going to bother with this

2009-05-12T09:11:00.000-07:00

I'm not recapping last night's Gossip Girl because, well because it wasn't Gossip Girl. I didn't hate it. It was fine, but if you believe what you read the alleged spin-off tentatively titled Valley Girls isn't even happening. Apparently the CW has said "thanks, but no thanks" to the new show, so who cares, right? Sure there was some Gossip Girl on Gossip Girl last night - like for example Rufus being the worst and condescending to Lily about how she didn't "know who she was." Fuck you, Rufus. Anyway, I didn't hate it, but it's not my show - should Valley Girls be miraculously rescued at the last minute by the CW I won't be recapping it...I don't think, so I'm not going to start now.

I will however live blog the finale next week. Well, if I can get home to watch it at 8 I'll live blog it. If not, I'll dvr-blog the finale. Either way - fun!!!

In the meantime, here is a video of Taylor Momsen's (that's Lil' J to you) band, The Pretty Reckless performing their first show. Guess what? It's fucking awesome. Enjoy.

Because I need to get all the money back for the new bibles.

2009-05-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

"You can tell Jesus the bitch is back!"

And with that line Gossip Girl enters the home stretch on such a high note that even next week's "fake GG/Lily in the 80's" sneak peak can't detract from the awesomeness that has been the last two weeks! This could have been my favorite Gossip Girl episode ever. Like last week, it had a little bit of everything and just the smallest amount of Dan to make it all as palatable as possible, let's get to it...

-I'll start, however with the rough - it seems as though a lot of people are having trouble with Lily getting Serena arrested. Not me! I love it. Do I think it's realistic? Not in the slightest. Do I give a shit? Not at all. In fact, I welcome it. I like my GG ridiculous. Here's the thing - it was worth it for two reasons - 1.) Serena's mug shot = fabulous and 2.) It was done more for the Rufus drama than for anything else and I love it when Rufus is in pain, well, because I loathe Rufus.

-Also, people seem to have a problem with Serena in general this week, what with the fake pregnancy and what, at least right now, appears to be her sort of forgiving Gabriel. To this I say, Serena's an idiot. Always was. Why should that change now?

-Chuck and Blair!!! Again, Chuck and Blair!!! This was the best moment in the show's history. Did you see their eyes? These two can act, everyone. It was unreal. "Because I love her and I can't make her happy."

-Although that wasn't even the Chuck Bass line-o-the-night, that would be upon finding out that Gabriel had been running the ponzi scheme (TOPICAL!) when he says "His suits never did fit well."

-Man oh man is Nate an idiot! He fully knows he's Blair's second choice, right? So so dumb.

-Trachtenberg is a monster as Georgina. She's just great. How did she not get the spin-off? Instead we get Brittney Snow as Lily in the fucking 80's? Come on, Schwartz!

- Really funny moment between Jenny and Lily - she seems like the Twilight type...I think.

-Rufus, for a progressive 2K kind of guy gets really bent out of shape about having to rely on Lily for money. I've got news for you Rufus, she's a goddamn billionaire AND it's not even her money! Live it up, pal. Send the kid to Yale!

- I really did have problems with Lily just letting Poppy get away with it and have to say, was very glad when Serena got all pouty and "no way, man" about it.

-I loved how they were all at the Russian tea room for the meeting between G and Poppy. Because that's what people trying to pull off a scheme often do - show up places where they can be seen...like, really easily!

- Did I mention Rufus is a pussy? Oh, not in so many words - well, "Rufus is a pussy."

-I have to mention Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick again. They have unbelievable chemistry and bring out the absolute best in each other as actors. They should work their whole careers together in project after project. They should be the new Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, only sexy and not annoying.

-"They can download Kirk Cameron movies!"

-So we're all going to love Georgina after all is said and done, right? And not love her in the way I've loved her up to this point, but have to love her like she'll be a good guy? I kind of don't want to. But. I do want to see Poppy get taken down.

Alright, so this is an A+, a big fat awesome A+. I loved it unconditionally and cannot wait to see how all this gets resolved. There's nothing better than a killer finale and it looks as though that's what we're all in store for, so great!

Because whenever I see Poppy Liftin she jumps into my arms too.

2009-04-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Alright, I'm back after missing last week. Apologies. I'm kind of expecting people aren't reading this anymore anyway, but regardless, you know...?

So, early in the evening I get a text from Brooke asking if I had yet to see Gossip Girl, I hadn't yet watched so I replied "no", like you do, to which she responded "it blows" and then I get to Adrienne's and ask what she thought, to which she responded "it was okay". Then finally I watched and thought to myself "Is it possible we're not watching the same show?"

I loved it. Episode of the year type stuff. It was the type of Gossip Girl I love the most. It was fun and funny and silly and not too heavy, but still a bit heavy. All in all, for me it was vintage GG, so to all the haters YARI!!!

Let's do it...

-If you didn't like last night's Gossip Girl then obviously you don't like Blair. Blair has been a bit of a chore over the past few episodes, but last night she was back. There were a lot of really great lines, but there were two that were pantheon Waldorf. Of course "rats go underground, not Waldorfs" was a little piece of brilliance, but for me "I can't believe I have to see my sworn enemy with Nancy Pelosi hair" may just be Blair's greatest moment!

-The "Gabriel is bad" reveal came as a relief for me. I mean this guy is Aaron Rose bad, except I feel as though I was supposed to like Aaron Rose whereas I'm not supposed to like Gabriel. Fair play. You win. Although I still don't fully understand the scheme he's pulling and why would Poppy be involved? They're stealing money, right? Isn't Poppy rich already? Why would she need to do this? Is it a ponzi scheme of some sort?

-Oh Rufus, Rufus, Rufus. Poor, stupid Rufus. You consistently find new and exciting ways to be a terrible father. Also, what makes you think Lily would like THAT ring.

-Speaking of the ring, Dan and Jenny pooled their savings to buy it. What savings? Dan's been a cater waiter for all of three minutes and, correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't all the work Jenny has ever done been for free?

-"That sounds really boring, especially with Eric out of town." Where the fuck is Eric?

-Vanessa and Dan got pretty tanked on, seemingly, a six pack and at best a half bottle of vodka. Oh children. And while we're on this, why would Vanessa choose to keep the six pack on the counter when there is a fridge within spitting distance? Barring all that, I really liked this moment. I thought it was a great Vanessa moment. I know she's polarizing, but I've chosen to like her.

-Remember early in this season when it really looked as though there would be some illicit Vanessa/Rufus humping? I'm still holding out hope.

-In a follow-up text Brooke wrote "I hate Serena's new man and the name Poppy". I thought that was really funny. I too can't stand the name Poppy and cringe every time they say it.

-Chuck's basketball outfit was the single best thing he's worn since the fabled anchor cardigan earlier this year. If you watch this show without realizing the hilarious nature of his clothing choices, please pay close attention to it from now on. It's almost always one of the funnier jokes on the show. And while I'm at it BASKETBALL!!!!! HA! Come on, world. This is classic stuff.

-How the fuck old is Gabriel supposed to be?

-Was I right in thinking that Jenny referred to Lily as "the V-D Dubs"? If so, then anyone who complained about this episode has immediately been proven wrong.

-And as if I needed another reason to prove the awesomeness of last night..."I see your wearing your beret, who are we spying on tonight?" Really, Brooke? Really.

-One more for good measure - "He told Chuck he met you at Butter, but I know for a fact that Butter was closed that night because I used their bartender for the Nelly Yuki SAT sabotage party!" (Yes, I took notes. I had to.)

-Fine. Fine. One more. "Nate, what are you doing here? I thought there was a Mets game. I saw Dorota wearing her hat."

-OMJC

-Georgina! Welcome back, princess.

-Serena looked awesome in that dress at the co-op party last night. Absolutely gorgeous, though it did look like underwear.

-Problem of the night - Blair is so not moving into an apartment in Murray Hill.

-Also, really bad showing for Nate last night. Just so stupid.

Alright, so the more I write about it I am positive this was the episode of the season. Just great stuff all around. A. For sure.

Bruno

2009-04-02T13:51:00.000-07:00

I was one of the many people all eye-rolley at the news that Sacha Baron Cohen was going to do a Bruno movie. More of the same, I yelled in derision. Turns out it is more of the same, but not in a bad way. In like, a really a good way which, as it turns out is the opposite of a bad way.

Because, do you know how many jams they have there? Because it's a lot.

2009-03-31T14:00:00.001-07:00

So, I really loved GG last night. There was a moment right at the top of the show when B and S were on the phone and B was lying about her whereabouts and then she sees Serena across the street. I cannot put into words how funny B's reaction was. It was a real "you had to be there moment", but I assume most of you were though so...one of the top 5 GG moments of all time. Anyway, here we go...

-Explain to me, right off the bat, how the Humphrey's managed to get up and shower in Brooklyn then make it to Lily's for a fancy breakfast and then made it to school on time? They would have to wake up at five in the morning.

-Dan was wearing a Strand t-shirt which made me laugh. I like how the GG writers are accepting Dan's pretentiousness and pretty much make it an in-joke. That moment when he was at Jenny's party trying to impress those girls by talking about his story was really funny. That sentence just feels wrong, like there are just too many words or something.

-I wish they would write an episode that really focuses on the girls on the steps. I think they're just great. Especially Hazel.

-"His password's been soccer since the fifth grade". This will be one of the most quotable lines in the history of the show.

-Dan's financial aid being denied is justice. His father is an ex-rock star who owns a gorgeous loft in Brooklyn and an art gallery for gods sake. You're telling me this guy has no money? Please.

-Oh how you tease me "previously on Gossip Girl people. You show me Georgina and then you give me Poppy! How dare you?

-And speaking of Poppy - Why would she want to hang out with a teenager in the first place? And easy trying to make Serena feel bad for herself. She's 17. Quit being so goddamn judgy and condescending to a fucking TEENAGER! I hate Poppy. I hate Poppy almost as much as I hated Aaron Rose.

-Also remember at the end when Poppy's boyfriend recognized Serena and walked up to her and was all "you look familiar"? Do people do that?

-I like the Nate/Vanessa thing. It felt real, you know? Like, this is how teenagers break up. Not the "I'm going to take a big time internship that my rich grandfather, who btw I actually call "grandfather", set up for me instead of going on vacation with you" part. That's ridiculous. But the "I'm going to stop talking to you until I absolutely have to in hopes of avoiding this uncomfortable break up thing" part. It felt like this show was actually populated by real teenagers for a total of fourteen seconds, which was a nice change of pace.

-The Jenny's party thing fell flat, but she looked really hot. I should not have been attracted to her, but I really was. A lot. She looked better than Serena's boobs.

-Kudos to the producers for realizing how much we love Darota and giving her more each and every week. The "maybe girl from Brooklyn cry and Mr. Nate is nice boy..." piece was great and that she's got something going on with the Van Der Woodsen's doorman is potentially great.

-VDW

So I thought the show had some really great moments and some really great lines. It was actually fun tonight, which is how it should be. Just frothy fun...and Blake Lively's boobs. It wasn't perfect by any means, but I'll take it. A-

Because it's a lot like playing touch football in a yellow cardigan...with elbow pads.

2009-03-24T11:53:00.000-07:00

Gossip Girl, Gossip Girl, blah, blah, blah...you know, you know...

-First off, what's the difference between the "old Blair" and the "new Blair" exactly? They seemed pretty much exactly the same - mean spirited, bitchy, self serving - when was Blair not these things, exactly? A few doe-eyed bedroom scenes with Chuck does not a "new Blair" make.

-"Where's Waldorf"

-I loved that Serena has presumably been through so much with Blair (sex orgies, drug taking, lying, manipulating, declaring war on people's very lives), but it was her shoplifting a pair of sunglasses that convinced S that she had really gone off the deep end this time.

-I liked Vanessa's cardigan a lot. I find her to be very pretty. Mara disagrees.

-I HATE Rufus and Lily, but mostly Rufus. I guess I don't actually hate Lily. I used to really like her, but now she's with Rufus, who I hate. He's the worst. Insufferable. I see where Dan gets it.

- Mara pointed out, quite astutely, how immature Rufus and Lily where being with their lists. So stupid. Serena and Dan were never that immature, but then again Dan's list would have consisted of pretty much just Serena, so I could see how that would be embarrassing.

-One more thing about the list, having a discussion regarding your degree of slutiness is an inappropriate one to have with your teenage daughter.

-I know I say it every week, but damn Serena's boobs are something else. Just a pleasure to look at.

-Who calls their grandfather "grandfather"?

-Why was Dan all over the Vanderbelt Family reunion? I couldn't believe it when he got out of the limo the first time and then back again for day two. Unbelievable.

-I know that I've made mention of the times when Nate is not really on episodes and I've voiced a bit of surprise. Now I totally get it. Nate is sooooooo boring. Like Rufus and Lily boring. Like Chuck investigates the gentleman's club his father was a member of boring. Who cares if he accepts some internship in the mayor's office? Not me. And neither should Vanessa, who IS pretty, dammit! And while we're at it, what DID happen to the Nate that just wanted to get high and play Halo?

-RUN V RUN

-Dorota had a great show last night. First she yells at Chuck in Polish, which is awesome and then totes covers for Blair and Nate which I believe because I'm sure she sees what a better, if much more boring, influence Nate would be on her beloved "Miss Blair."

-"Do you think the Humphrey's have a family crest that I could get Jenny to sew on one of my cardigans?" Sometimes Dan gets me. At least he knows he's ridiculous.

-Where's Eric?

-Jenny was really useless in this episode. She was pretty much only on last night's episode to verbally product place Bluefly.

-Teenagers don't insist that other teenagers "leave town" in real life, yet they do on Gossip Girl which is why I love it.

-What could have possibly happened on Santorini? They'll probably just brush it aside and hope we'll forget to ask again. Not me, I'm asking every week.

-I was amazed at the initial reveal that Tripp was supposed to be older than Nate.

-Also, alright Tripp.

-Touch football.

So the episode was best described by Mara, "meh". Better than last week, though and it seems to be something of a reset and next week looks AWESOME! So, a solid B-.

A quick note on Eastbound and Down

2009-03-23T10:54:00.000-07:00

Last night HBO ran the sixth and what is likely to be the last episode of it's new comedy Eastbound and Down which I haven't discussed much, but Friday Night Lights aside, has quietly been the best show in television.

Eastbound and Down is a comedy that isn't always hilarious. It can be sad and it can be jarring and it can be difficult and this is what separates it from the rest of the TV pack. I've often said that no television show approaches being high art like Friday Night Lights but it turns out I'm wrong as Eastbound and Down can certainly be mentioned in the same breath as the vaunted FNL.

The center of the show is Danny McBride's Kenny Powers a rude, obnoxious ex-MLB pitcher who has relocated to his hometown after being the toast of many others. McBride's performance is bordering on genius and is reminiscent of Ricky Gervais' in the Office in that it's all encompassing to the point of discomfort.

The show will make you laugh - this is very important, but not in the Flight of the Conchords "wink-wink look how cute we are" way. No, it dares you to laugh. When Kenny tells a stripper friend of his that she's "a great girl who dresses like a dickhead" or when, in a moment of raw honesty, says to the love of his life "Listen here you beautiful bitch, I'm about to fuck you up with some truth" your first response may be to wince and that's the point.

Kenny Powers is as much an anti-hero as has ever been put on screen. He's a modern day Archie Bunker and his story has been compelling television that may be gone forever. If you watch the show then you know last night's episode ended on a cliffhanger, one that I want to see resolved, but if it's not I will just be happy to have those three hours with Kenny Powers and I'll be glad to know that at least Eastbound and Down existed and there was an audience, albeit a very small one, there to see it.

I kind of hate American Idol Season 8, everybody.

2009-03-18T11:29:00.001-07:00

(NOTE: This started off as a simple recap of last nights horrendous American Idol and then as I was writing I flipped out and got all soap boxy. I apologize in advance.)

It's country week! Country week is usually bad! Not because country music is bad, the complete opposite actually. It's great. But you know these people aren't going to sing it well, so...

We'll start, obvi with the good. Alison. Great. At first I wasn't sure if it was great, but I watched it again and I'm sold. It was great. She's the best female contestant on the show. Better, even than Alexis Grace (who I happen to like quite a bit, but not last night. Last night was bad). But, since Alison's not that pretty the judges don't want her to win, so they act like her performance was just ok. Except for Randy, he said it was "dope". Because if all four of them were "meh" everyone would figure out that they essentially fix the competition by giving bogus criticism. Kris Allen was ok, a bit boring, but ok. I hate that song, though. It's gross. Plus, regardless of whether or not Garth Brooks wrote it, it's not a country song. It's a pop song. But, I like Kris Allen so who cares right? Uhm, who else, who else. Oh Matt was good. His performance was good. I really want to root for Matt and initially thought he could be my horse in this thing but dude has zero personality. Z-E-R-O (that's me spelling out the word "zero". Get it?) I find it tough to root for him. I am though, I'm rooting for him.

Next up: Hey American Idol can we put a moratorium (I can't believe that word is spelled that way) on the Taylor Hicks bashing. Guess what, we all knew that Taylor Hicks sucked, but you did that. It's your fault. Don't go acting all "we knew he was bad all along" shit. It's mean.

Also, I'm hating the judges this year. Hating them. All of them. Especially Kara. She throws everything off. And for the most part she's stupid. Stop telling everyone they're artists alright. None of these people are "artists". They pick a fucking song out of a hat and sing it. That's it. Sam Cooke was an artist. John Lennon, Elvis Costello, Neko Case, Bob Dylan, Lucinda Williams, Tina Turner! These are artists.

And also stop using "it's karaoke" as criticism because - OBVIOUSLY! What did you think it was?

I love watching this show, you know, but this season I'm kind of hating it.

Speaking of hate. Oh my Jesus Adam Lambert. I don't even know what to say. I don't necessarily believe you need to be wholly reverent to the past but it's Johnny Cash, man. His performance was so gross. Just dripping, oozing with disgusting. Last night I called it one of the top five worst Idol performances, but now I am ready to call the worst thing I have ever seen on that show. And I've seen some bad stuff. Clay Aiken! Sanjaya! Group sings! Nothing compared to that performance. I don't even know what to say. The camera effing, the arrangement, those awful high notes. Every time Paula stands up and claps for him, it makes me want to fire her on the spot. Paula, who is crazy - admitted - judges these people based on which one she wants to sleep with the most. That's not ok. The worst piece of criticism came from Randy who compared it to Nine Inch Nails doing country which proves he either doesn't have ears or has never actually bothered to listen to a Nine Inch Nails song, but then went even further by calling that description current. CURRENT! Nine Inch Nails haven't been current in fifteen years! And I like Nine Inch Nails.

The rest - I am consistently flummoxed by the overwhelming support for Danny Gokey. First off, he chose "Jesus, Take the Wheel"! Really? The song is terrible, but his obvious reasons for picking it were even worse. He KNEW that he could be all show-offy at the end and then Paula would rise up all stumbly from her chair even though he didn't know the beginning and proceeded to warble his way through it. It was a bad performance. Not a "wasn't your best, dog" performance. It was simply bad. But, the judges want him in the finals, so there you go.

Alexis Grace was not good. Seeing as how "Ring of Fire" and "Jolene" were the only ACTUAL country songs performed last night (and to be fair that Michael Sarver song as well), I hoped for more out of Alexis. But she didn't deliver. She seems a bit cold at times and though I am a fan, I could see that playing against her. Like Matt, she needs more personality.

Lil Rounds on the other hand - personality to spare! Not the worst performance, but certainly not the best but she is just so likable so I'm on board with her.

Anoop is boring.

Megan Joy (Corkrey) is as adorable as all get out. I fully admit that I root for her to stay around because I enjoy looking at her. Cute as a button, I say.

Lastly, the talent this season is so middle of the road I can't stand it and when Ryan says "I think we have a competition on our hands" I agree, but it's a competition of mediocrity bordering on just bad unoriginal crap. After last night, I actually started to hate this show. I always try to like everything, but I'm starting to think there is nothing here for me apart from Alison who also gets on my nerves a little bit. I like Megan, of course but for all the wrong reasons. I don't really think anyone in this group deserves to win a show like this and become a big star. I really don't. We're at the point now where these people are just in it to be "reality tv" stars, not musicians. There is not a Kelly Clarkson or a Fantasia Barino in the bunch. Not one. These kids have all grown up with the show and are just going through the motions. Doing what they've seen before.

I'm also very disillusioned by these judges this year and their outward favortism of certain contestants is unforgivable. Listen. I know the show's purpose has always been to create a commercially viable star but it all just feels, I don't know, particularly gross this year.

Kind of depressing

Oh and Scott and Michael will be the bottom two and Scott will go home.

Sorry about where this went.

Because why, if you were a teacher, would you not sleep with your student in a costume closet whilst a play was going on just outside?

2009-03-17T13:36:00.000-07:00

So Spring approaches and Gossip Girl awakes from it's month long hibernation to give us an episode not quite up to par. But it's Gossip Girl and a Monday night with Gossip Girl is certainly better than a Monday night without Gossip Girl...

Anyway...

-Nate wins for the "should have gone with mercury poison" line, but how pissed was whoever wrote that when he/she (actually a she, Jessica Queller - like Headmistress Queller- did this writer name the headmistress after herself? I effin hope so. That is awesome. Fair play. NOTE: I just did some research and it turns out I'm a little bit in love with Jessica Queller.) realized the show was going on hiatus and would sadly come a month late. Either way, good job.

-In bad Nate news, turns out he is almost as bad an actor as Chace Crawford. Oh Snap!

-I'm sad that Rachel is gone. Listen, I know she was ridiculous, but Dan was having sex with his teacher for god's sake. Yes, he's eighteen and she was probably 22 so obvi not that big a deal, but she was his teacher! That's good drama.

-Alright, full disclosure I'm mostly mad about her ouster because I really thought it was my beloved Georgina sending the GG blasts. When the Serena GG blast was sent out, I yelled to Mara, who had already watched the episode, "OH, I KNOW WHO IT IS! I KNOW WHOSE DOING IT! IT'S GEORGINA!" and I was so proud. Proud like P. And I was wrong.

-Oh and by the by, I'm all for kicking it old school but Dan and Rachel would have never communicated via note and to take it a step further, Rachel would have especially never entrusted her response with her teenage student/lovers little sister.

-Mara took issue with Rachel leaving a key when, seemingly he could have just knocked or, more than likely, buzzed up. I defended it by saying she was probably going to be doing something untoward like lying on the bed in sexy underwear, you know? But it turned out she was just lighting a bunch of candles and cooking dinner, to which Mara exclaimed, "Why would you be cooking dinner for your teenage boyfriend?" Mara, it turned out, was right. About the whole thing. Though I'm actually not sure she was cooking dinner at all now that I think about it. Hmmm.

-But, on the flip side it seems weird that Rufus would use the key and let himself in seeing as how it was at least conceivable that this woman could have been close to naked, no?

-This Chuck storyline was so boring. Sooooooooooooo boring! I hated that Elle. She was a terrible actress and only "meh" in the hot department. Blair is much hotter (she was really, really hot at the end of the episode - but more on Blair next) and it turns out the GG writers forced that super boring two episode Chuck story arc down our throats just to make Chuck realize that he loves Blair. Come on, now. Buck up.

-Blair. B. Ms. Waldorf. I love her. I love her so much. I especially love that she's coming to terms with the fact that she's evil! It's great stuff. Also, Lieghton Meester is just a really good actress who will never get her due while on this show. The moment when she confronted Rachel was awesome.

-No colleges have such strict "one early acceptance only" policy and while we're at this a month has passed, right? Isn't Nelly Yuki's early acceptance just an acceptance at this point.

-Touche GG writers for turning the Waldorf war announcements into a self reflexive joke.

-Oh remember when Nate used the word "dilettante"? Not happening. Though he did kind of, sort of mispronounce it so maybe.

-The best part of the Elle storyline was her coming out of the hotel and being all "they weren't trying to kill me after all, they just wanted to give me a bunch of money" and then us accepting the absurdity of it because we were just so fucking glad it was over.

-Vaneesa - meh.

-Jenny - meh

-This director - meh.

-Serena - meh.

-Serena's boobs - great, as always. I mean, just great. Best boobs in the biz right now.

All in all the episode was hurt a great deal by the Elle story. The play coming apart at the end was fun and Blair declaring all that war was good stuff too. And Derota, but then there was also Charles Isherwood - a real critic who went on Gossip Girl and pretty much called himself out as a pretentious dope, so I guess not all bad. Better luck next week, though.

Oh and it's good to be back with these.

C+ and I'm being generous.

Oh man, this is funny

2009-03-13T09:14:00.000-07:00

So, I think this may have been around for a while. I knew Chris Cornell was doing some dance record with Timbaland and I'm pretty sure I just avoided it with the knowledge that it would be embarrassing, but then I couldn't avoid it anymore and I saw this...his video for the song "Part Of Me"

Wow, huh. It's really bad. I can't tell if it's misogynistic or not. I'm pretty sure it is. The chorus, for those of you who didn't watch it, is "No, that bitch ain't a part of me." He says it a lot. Over and over again in fact. But sometimes it sounds like "that bitch ATE a part of me."

It's weird to hear Chris Cornell call a woman a bitch. Is he just trying to be cool? Or is he saying "bitch" like the girls from "The Hills" do when they see each other? And was that fucking Method Man?

So many questions.

It may be that Chris Cornell hates women, but don't worry women I'd imagine after this most people probably hate Chris Cornell.

This is so bad.

Get excited

2009-03-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

The Hold Steady's live album/DVD "A Positive Rage" is out on April 7th. Here's the trailer of sorts. It's gonna be great.

The best part is when that kid says "most people in the world don't believe that rock 'n roll can save your soul. I don't think anyone of those people has seen the Hold Steady."

True.

You should listen to this

2009-03-12T09:35:00.000-07:00

http://www.seariderfalconmusic.com/

Go to this link. Listen to the music on it. It's great. I love it. You should love it too.

"Everybody's Scared" is the best song of 2009 thus far. I mean it.

Second best: "Zero" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. But it's not the best.

That would be "Everybody's Scared."

The best.

She's a little runaway

2009-03-06T09:35:00.000-08:00

According to pitchfork, another actress has been cast in the upcoming Runaways biopic which should be the greatest movie ever made - basically a real life, big budget "Ladies and Gentleman Introducing the Fabulous Stains" which is itself pretty high on the list of greatest movies ever made...certainly the best thing Diane Lane has ever done...well besides "Nights in Rodanthe".

Kristen Stewart is already on tap to play Joan Jett which is really great. I'm really excited about that one. But the news today is that cast to play Runaways lead singer and ultimate badass Cherrie Currie is...

Dakota Fanning?

Now listen, "The Dark Knight" was a big deal for some people and when a lot of those people found out that Heath Ledger was gonna play the Joker they weren't happy, you know? This is my "Dark Knight" and I am going to reserve judgment on the casting choice until I see it.

It does seem odd, I'll admit and I don't exactly like Dakota Fanning...

Oh no.

Idol Top 36 Part 2

2009-02-26T08:36:00.001-08:00

I promise this blog is not going to become strictly an American Idol blog, I just haven't had much to write about lately...

Having said that, it is gross how obvious it is when the judges are trying to sway the viewers at home to vote for the people they want to see get through. For example Megan Corkrey, who it should be said I love very much, does not deserve to go through if we're basing it just on last night's performance. The judges, however like her because as they said multiple times, she's "commercial" so Simon pleaded with America to give her another chance and vote her through which they will because they always do...

On the other hand, we have Mishavona who is nowhere near as cute or "commercial" as Megan, but she absolutely blew Megan out of the water last night. She sang the shit out of that stupid Drops of Jupiter and then the judges made all kinds of silly criticisms like she's too polished or old fashioned. What? It made no sense. She was great. Best performance of the night and she will not get through, which is a shame.

Adam Lambert is a fucking joke. He's the worst. He turned "Satisfaction" into 80's hair metal. I had a hard time watching it. The judges like him though, so he goes through. I don't get him, but I don't get Lil Rounds either and they'll probably take up two spots in the top 3 (the other being dead wife exploiter Danny Gokey)

And so does the young girl with the pink hair who was good, but didn't do that song like Carrie Underwood did a few years ago.

I'm not even going to start on Norman Gentile. He's the worst. It was marginally entertaining, though. He'll milk this. He could honestly get through. Which is frightening.

Everything else was pretty blah. The judges like that piano playing guy who SUCKED. But they talked him up enough to try to get him put through, so he's a possibility as well.

Anyway: Pink Hair, Lambert and Corkrey get through tonight

Not out of it: Piano guy, Bald welder and god help me, Norman Gentile

My Idol Concern

2009-02-19T12:06:00.000-08:00

I need to talk about this very quickly and I apologize in advance to Mara and all the Gokeyphiles out there.

Listen, I like Danny Gokey. I think he's a nice guy. I think he's a fine singer and I fully believe he would have made the Top 12 regardless of the producers ramming him down my throat. But holy shit. Holy effing shit. Enough, American Idol. I get it. You've decided you want Danny Gokey to win and are planning to stop at nothing to see that happen. I can just imagine what you said in Kara's earpiece before she critiqued his fine performance on Tuesday night. Did you tell her to have an orgasm on camera?

My big problem, though is last night. Anyone who has seen an episode of American Idol knew there was absolutely no suspense surrounding the Gokey/Tatiana showdown at the end of the show, but there we have it. It's Gokey. Gokey's in the Top 12, go sing your song Danny and while you're at it our cameras will pan over to your family whom we will coach to hold up a picture of you with your dead wife just in case anyone forgot you have a dead wife.

I wouldn't have such a big problem with this had I believed these people just brought the picture to the taping with them and were so happy that, without thinking, they held the picture up so the camera could get an in focus close up on it on a live show - but they didn't. The Idol producers told them to bring it and I can just see the producer standing behind the camera lifting his arms up, signaling his poor family to hold up the picture. It's gross. It's so gross. And I don't blame Danny Gokey. It's not his fault. But it makes me not want him to win.

American Idol Top 36 Part One

2009-02-18T10:57:00.001-08:00

Well, it looks like it's time to start talking about American Idol.

First, Danny Gokey. I'm not buying all the Gokey hype just yet (like Simon) though I do think he'll go far. I don't know if he'll win, but he's going far. I feel like I'm being manipulated into liking him as much as I do. Having said that I do like him. Did anyone notice how Seacrest tried to get him to talk about his dead wife after he sang when he asked "where there any pictures going through your head while you performed?". He didn't. I was glad. Enough about his dead wife. A lot of people have dead wives. It doesn't automatically mean they should win singing contests.

Oh lord, Casey Carlson. My early pick! What a bomb, huh? She's still really hot. Like, unbelievably hot. There's no way Idol producers let her get away so quick. She's far and away the hottest thing going on that show (though I'm finding myself more attracted to Jackie Tohn as the weeks progress). I predict she doesn't make it tonight and then has a big redeemer of a performance during Wild Card and gets herself in. I actually don't remember, though do they perform again for wild card? If not, they'll say "we see something in you and we just think you had an off night" and she'll be back. Here's the thing, the performance was horrible, but that arrangement was the real mess and since when is anything sung by Sting "off limits"? Sting sucks!

Here's the thing about Tatiana, ya'll - she's awesome. I love her. She's absurd. She needs to get in, but the only way I see it happening is in a Sanjaya "vote for the worst" kind of way. She's certainly not the worst, she sang okay last night, but she's the worst person and people don't like her.

The second guy who sang last night was as boring as all get out.

Jackie Tohn can be a bit too much at times, but I happen to like her. I thought she was pretty good last night and think her likability grants her another shot. And I really did genuinely like her "trousers".

I really like the guy who calls everybody "sir" and "ma'am". I hope he makes it, but I don't think he will.

Line of the night "Well, where's Bucky Covington now?"

It was really funny when Anne Marie Boskovitch thought she could sing Aretha. I almost always believe no one should do Aretha...ever. Except Kelly Clarkson who basically won season one with the same song Boskovitvh butchered and apparently...

Alexis Grace. I officially love Alexis Grace. Last night I watched her performance and thought it was good, certainly best of the night, but then I watched a few times today and look out Gokey! She's really great. She's got soul, likability and she takes criticism well and builds on it. I really like her. So far she's my favorite.

My prediction for tonight: Gokey, Grace and Jackie Tohn

Not out of it yet: polite guy, Tatiana, Casey and maybe Anoop

Yeah, yeah, yeah

2009-02-11T12:45:00.000-08:00

A few months ago, I devised a game wherein I asked people which celebrity they think they could have an actual relationship with - like really date as they are now. You have to take a lot of things into account when answering. This person has to legitimately like you for you. You have to have similar lifestyles and the like.

In actuality these celebrities would all have to be ok with dating someone who wasn't famous and who would, more than likely, need to be provided for.

It's a fun game and a lot of thinking has to go into it.

The next part of the game, after you've chosen your person, is to get other people who know you to guess who they think the answer is. This is the hardest part. For mine, only Jess Cantrell got it almost immediately.

I'm not asking people to guess mine, I'll give you the answer - it's Lily Allen.

Lily has a new record out - it's called It's Not Me, It's You. There's a song on it called "Fuck You." I think that kind of explains why I'd pick her.

Oh, I'm back by the way and looking forward to new Gossip Girl and once they whittle this American Idol field down to the top 12, we can start talking about that too.

Bye.

Update

2009-01-29T16:53:00.000-08:00

I have pneumonia.

Yep, pneumonia. I know, I know only old-timey people and AIDS patients get pneumonia! Not true. I know. Because I have it.

I have never been this sick in my entire life.

It's miserable. I can't take deep breaths.

Oh and last week I had the flu.

This week, though...pneumonia.

So, I'll be back once all this pneumonia and stuff's gone.

Bye now.

You want answers?

2009-01-15T12:45:00.000-08:00

So, Mara had an interview posted on her blog that another blogger, 1littlefish, sent her, you know like an interview chain. so now it's my turn, here are the rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (And your e-mail address, please.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are the questions and my answers...

1.)If your lady friend was having your baby and you were going to do that thing where you put headphones around the pregnant belly so the baby can hear music, what songs would you put on your baby’s mix? (keep in mind that this is a baby we’re talking about)

Well, most mix tapes can be somewhere around 16 or 17 songs deep. I don't think anyone wants me to list all of them, so I'm gonna pick five.

"Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and the Pips - "Midnight Train to Georgia" is, perhaps, the greatest song ever written and it's mellow enough that it shouldn't disrupt the fetus. Plus, if you're gonna do this you should really try to use only important songs so that when the kid grows up they don't like shit. You know?

Angie by The Rolling Stones - It's a really great song. Really great. And if the baby is a girl, Angie is on the short list for names (though I assume Adrienne would nix it and tell me it's trashy) If I got my way, however that kid's name would not be Angela and we call her Angie, it would just be Angie and no calling her "Ang" either.

At My Most Beautiful by REM - I really like this song. A lot. It's a simple love song and I'm pretty sure it was written for a grown up, but when Stipe sings about watching the object of his affection sleep, I've always thought that must be what it's like to love a kid. Not in a creepy way. Your kid. The one you've made.

Stevie Nix by The Hold Steady - Listen, I know the common thought regarding this whole headphones on the belly thing is that it should be relaxing music and Enya and shit, but eff that. My kid is going to have to deal with a whole lot of rock 'n roll when it's out of the womb so it should be prepared for it. To compromise, I'll turn the volume down.

Age Of Consent by New Order - I once did a list of my 100 favorite songs ever (this was a few years ago). This list was made before I fell in love with New Order (I snobbily thought it was too synth-y and new wave-y and that I wouldn't like it). If I made that list today there is absolutely no way Age of Consent doesn't make Top 5 and would have a damn good chance at the number one spot. How can I not play that for my future kid.

I'm doing a sixth...

Bring It On Home To Me by Sam Cooke - No explanation necessary for this one.

2.) If you were given the option to write upside down for the rest of your life (including typing, the keyboard would be upside down) or read upside down for the rest of your life (also including computer) what would you pick?

Honestly, I don't really get this question. Are there merits to these things? I don't understand why I would want to read upside down. When would I be upside down, like in space or something? I guess I'll pick write upside down and am further guessing that my not understanding this question makes me just a little but stupid.

3.) If you could date one of the several characters on television that you are in love with who would you pick and why? The only guarantee is the first date. You have to take it from there. And they are not the actor but the character and age doesn’t matter. Perv.

This question is so good I can't believe it. As a real TV nut, you see, I don't really develop crushes on actresses, but rather their idealized form - the characters they play. So, this question is great, though really easy. I knew what the answer was immediately and am sure that anyone who knows me well probably knew too, even Adrienne - my real life girlfriend (she would probably say Seely Booth from Bones for herself, or George Michael Bluth). Without question and without any serious competition it's Rory Gilmore from the Gilmore Girls. The closest number two is probably Buffy Somers, but she honestly isn't that close. Rory is smart, funny independent and she comes from good stock (her parents are really, really attractive) plus she reads a lot and knows a lot about music - we'd probably have a lot to talk about. She can be whiny sometimes, but that's part of her charm - if she was too perfect it would just be irritating.

4.) Do you have any embarrassing stories you are comfortable sharing with us? Preferably from adolescence, and preferably something you’re not entirely comfortable sharing.

Embarrassing stories? Jeez, there's probably a million. I have the worst memory. The problem is, everyone already knows them - "Dear Dara", "Take off your pants, buddy", my teenage love of Kira, "I'm such a good skanker" - these are all things that I get made fun of on a pretty regular basis. I am, literally trying so hard to think of something that has never been discussed.

Alright, this really isn't that embarrassing, but I guess it could work. When I was in probably 5th or 6th grade I used to hang out with "the cool kids" you know even though they didn't really like me are were mostly just mean - I think I probably won in the end - and as a result I used to do mean thing because well, they were the "cool kids" and that's what "cool kids" always do. One day we were on someone's garage roof throwing crab apples at cars and people. Someone in our group threw one at a girl who then proceeded to chase us and she caught me. I started to cry and she let me go. When the people I was with found me I told them I was pretending to cry so she would let me go, but that was a lie. I was actually crying.

Also, I once met Joan Allen and I told her she should have been nominated for an Oscar for "The Upside of Anger." The embarrassing thing about that is I meant it.

5.) Please tell us everything illegal you’ve ever done. Including but not limited to: underage drinking, trespassing on the beach, statutory rape, date rape, rape rape, arson, vandalism, murder, extortion, manslaughter, money laundering, running red lights...

Alright let's see, I'm guilty of

-underage drinking
-trespassing on the beach
-statutory rape
-date rape
-rape
-arson
-vandalism
-murder
-extortion
-manslaughter
-running red lights

Wherein I completely redeem myself for posting the terrible Gossip Girl rap video last week

2009-01-13T09:37:00.000-08:00

NOTE: I never want to watch videos people post either, but I implore you to watch this - it's spectacular. Like "Stairway To Stardom" good.

I stole this from Videogum, but I had to. It's amazing. I don't even know what to say. Just watch.

Mark Gormley is my new favorite person in the world. In a strange way, his lack of charisma makes him completely charismatic. The way he shifts his weight from leg to leg is perhaps the funniest thing I have ever seen. Please, let this be real. Please!

Best parts (aside from the leg thing)

1.) Random guy parasailing
2.) That woman walking through what appears to be a food court in her bikini
3.) Mark Gormley looking off camera
4.) The song being described as "intense"
5.) "Don't play around with my affection, woman."

Because it's like shouting out your real life heritage with the use of a close-up on a Union Jack cufflink

2009-01-13T09:13:00.000-08:00

I usually write some introduction, but if you read this weekly well then you know the drill. Here we go.

-So, during the "previously on Gossip Girl" montage, I'm reminded of Dan getting all bent out of shape about Nate being with Jenny. Dan throws Nate against the wall, shows him the Gossip Girl post and angrily asks "What are you doing? Or is this not you with my fifteen year old sister?" Emphasis on "fifteen year old". Here's my gripe - that's not crazy! Nate is supposed to be, what, seventeen? If you want to be angry that your friend is putting the moves on your sis, that's fine - but her being fifteen, in this world, shouldn't matter. "How could you corrupt my young fifteen year old sister." This is where the show gets self conscious - everybody knows that in real life Chace Crawford is 36 and Taylor Momsen is really, actually, like for realz 15 - so they make this an issue. When I was 17 my girlfriend was 14 and we were very happy thank you very much. She bought me an ant farm for my birthday.

I have to take a minute to talk about Uncle Jack Bass? Really dude - get a life. You're an adult and you're really threatening a teenage girl and plotting to take down your nephew. This story line is forced drama and I'm not into it.

"I wouldn't have come to this party if I knew I wasn't VIP." There's our Blair!

Line of the night, from Chuckles re: his father's disapproval - "Why did you wear so much purple?"

So, last week I loved when the popular girls referred to themselves as "the girls on the steps" and now S is just calling them "mean girls." From borderline brilliant to hack in one week.

A note to Jenny people can't have personal film festivals. Just say you're going to watch a bunch of movies with some sort of theme (in this case a bunch of Edith Head movies), but don't call it a film festival. Are you giving out awards? This does get points, however because I totally believe Jenny would know who Edith Head was.

Can we talk about the ridiculousness of Bart giving Bass industries to Chuck? I don't care how cunning, smart and devious you may be, you cannot run a business when you're 17. What is this a Sinbad movie?

Okay, so I've been watching Gossip Girl for a long time and I hate to quibble with realism because it's not relevant, but I will call out the writers when they are completely untrue to the characters they've created. Case in point - there is no way the Blair Waldorf whom we've grown accustomed to would fall for Jack's "let's throw Chuck a surprise party" thing. Especially after he threatens to blackmail her. She would have foiled this. Again I'm really not a fan of this story line.

Rufus is wearing something other than a turtleneck! Huzzah!

I was really offended by the negative tone Gossip Girl and the rest of the upper East Siders took with Dan's lunching on a tuna sandwich. Tuna is delicious regardless of your social status.

I agree, Dan - candy is candy.

"Swear on your 'Simple Machines' 7 inches". Ugh! I should love this. If it were Gilmore Girls and Rory was saying it to Lane, I'd totally buy it, but Dan Humphrey, c'mon. I wouldn't believe it if it were a "Matador" reference let alone "Simple Machines."

This episode marks the return of the Mini Blairenas! This is a good thing.

S and B look great in HD

"At least Romeo and Juliet don't share DNA". Neither do Serena and Dan. This is misinformed. They have a brother who shares their DNA, but they DO NOT personally share DNA. Someone else shares their DNA. I think.

I love the old 90's alternative band references. First the great Tanya Donelly and now Buffalo Tom. Very nice, even though neither of them contributed to those "Simple Machines" 7 inches. The only problem here is I'm realizing I may be closer in age to Rufus and Lily than I am Dan and Serena which is very scary.

Rufus' bracelet is stupid.

Eric is so milquetoast and his "voice of reason" speech to Serena was hollow and groan inducing. This character tried to kill himself and he has never, not once, had an ounce of edge. Shouldn't the suicidal kid be, at the very least, a wild card?

I know no one will believe this since there were no witnesses (Mara wasn't home to watch GG with me last night) but I absolutely knew that Rufus and Lily's adopted kid was still alive. I knew the dad was lying and I wrote it down. I swear.

Neither Leighton Meester nor Ed Westwick will ever be nominated for an Emmy which is why the Emmys are meaningless

Showgirls. Really, Jenny? That's a bit dated. What about Troll 2 or Zombie Strippers?

I made that same Clueless analogy a million times over the past week. Nice work GG writers.

This episode was very middle of the road. I'm not feeling the drama and no Dorota. I'm very disappointed. C-

A note on Vh1's Tool Academy

2009-01-13T08:54:00.000-08:00

Was "Tool School" taken?

Some stray observations from last night's marathon TV session

2009-01-08T10:32:00.000-08:00

I watched the People's Choice Awards just long enough to hear Queen Latifah say this..."And now to present our next award the illegally handsome star of Criminal Minds - Shemar Moore." They hire professional writers and that was the best intro they could come up with! Moore then walked to the microphone and shouted "How many people like reality TV!" I changed the channel and did not return.

So, I watched The Real World...The ex-army guy is writing a book, which will no doubt be published by MTV books. It has to be. Also, I know everyone is talking about the Mormon kid's sexuality, but I think it's the army guy that's a latent homosexual seeing as he's more obsessed with who is gay than anyone in the house. We will very rarely hear from the bodybuilder guy. He's my sure-fire "will get lost in the shuffle" cast member. Katelynn is going to be a pantheon RW cast member and not just because she's transgender. She's actually kind of interesting and self aware. My favorite thing about her, though is her name. She was once a dude and when she became a girl she had to choose what her name would be. She chose Katelynn and chose to spell it that way. That's not how you spell it.

Alright, Top Chef. Toby Young is a hack. It was so clear that he wrote all of his comments beforehand and then shoe horned them in where he felt they would work. That "Tom Cruise in Tropic Thunder" line was so disgustingly forced. Not so forced was Fabio's great "It's Top Chef, not Top Scallops" line which could end up on a t-shirt at the end of the season. Carla survived and I'm glad - it was time for Melissa and Eugene to go. Now all the dead weight is gone and the season should really take off.

It's not fun watching the Rangers, it's only frustrating.

I'd talk about how great Damages was, but no one watched it so I'll spare you. It was great, though.

Retraction

2009-01-07T14:26:00.000-08:00

Dear everyone,

Yesterday I posted that Gossip Girl R&B song video and said it was "great". After watching it a few more times I can honestly say it's not great. In fact, it's really lame.

I'm embarrassed that I posted it and thought about simply deleting it whilst pretending it never happened. But that would be dishonest. We're not always right, you know and I'm here to admit that when it comes to that video, I was dead wrong. It really sucks. I apologize and I vow to do better next time.

Thank you for your understanding,

Pat D

I really need to start being more productive

2009-01-07T14:01:00.000-08:00

There is so much fucking television on tonight at 10pm that it's maddening.

Let me rephrase that because of course there's so much fucking television on at 10pm there are a million channels - what I meant was there is so much fucking television that I want to watch on at 10pm tonight that it's maddening.

First there's the premiere of Damages season 2 which no one watches except for me and Jess Cantrell, but that everyone should be watching cuz guess what - it's awesome.

Then there are my Top Chefs who I haven't seen in what feels like forever, but has actually only been two weeks (it may actually be three by now I'm not sure). Nevertheless I'm eager to get reacquainted with them and see Carla's wonderful crazy face.

Then there's the Barbara Walters interview with Patrick Swayze which I kind of don't want to watch because I only want to remember Patrick Swayze as being Bodhi and he doesn't look like Bodhi anymore which makes me feel bad. I happen to really like Patrick Swayze. I like his movies. I like his first name and he seems like a genuinely good person. I really hope he can pull through and kick cancer's ass like he did all those rednecks in Road House or Anthony Kiedis in Point Break, but from what I've heard he doesn't have a lot of time and frankly that makes me very sad.

And finally, there's The Real World: Brooklyn. Now, I have not watched a Real World with any semblance of regularity since Las Vegas which, you'll recall, is the year in which the show lost any stitch of redeeming social value whatsoever and basically became a booze and fuck fest.

I'm not sure what's drawing me to this edition, the shows 21st. Maybe it's the fact that the show is now of legal drinking age (well not really. It hasn't been on for 21 years, it's just had 21 editions but that's no matter) and I can remember where I was when the franchise started and also remember having the biggest crush in the world on innocent farm girl Julie. I'm sure some of it has to do with the fact that it's taking place in Red Hook and I'll recognize some of the places they go to get shitcanned, which is always fun. I'm also looking forward to pretentious hipsters mocking RW cast members, even though most of them would kill to be on television and probably would have joined the cast in a hot second (why else does one live in Brooklyn these days and wear scarves - me included, except the living in Brooklyn part, but definitely the scarves part). Then there's MTV stating that this edition of The Real World is going back to the basics of the first few seasons and not just casting pretty boys and girls who refer to Jack Daniels and Jose Cuervo as "my friends Jack and Jose" (seriously if you are still doing that, or know someone who is, please tell them to stop) and then fuck in a tub somewhere, preferably of the hot variety. No, they insist these people will be different and the show is going try and be relevant and thought provoking like it was back when cast mates would argue over the dirty guy sticking his finger in the peanut butter. You know, important topics.

Regardless, I'm gonna show up and maybe it will suck, but I'm certainly not prepared to find out it's awesome and that I've missed the train so...

Revolutionary Road is really amazing

2009-01-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

I saw Revolutionary Road this weekend and the more I think about it, it's the best movie I have seen in all of the 2000's. The second best, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The common thread - Kate Winslet.

But this isn't about Kate Winslet, though she is the best working actor alive, it's about the emotional impact of Revolutionary Road. The movie has been described as a downer and it's true, but it also oversimplifies the movie to a great degree. Revolutionary Road is a movie about unhappiness, it's about lowering some of your expectations while not meeting others. It's about fear, It's about accepting adulthood or not accepting it - it's about coming to grips with being human and just being human - not being spectacular. That's heavy stuff for sure, but the film itself is eye opening.

As someone who hasn't really seen many "films" lately, it feels good to actually notice themes in something, I can tell you that.

Revolutionary Road was directed by Sam Mendes and a lot of people will draw comparisons between Mendes' first film, American Beauty and this one (seeing as how they both take place in suburbia and all). These people are stupid as they couldn't be more different. First, American Beauty sucks and Revolutionary Road doesn't. Second, American Beauty is so phony and 'wink-wink' cute and so loaded with stereotypes that it feels like a cartoon, while Revolutionary Road is so real and fraught and completely devoid of self consciousness. Finally, unlike American Beauty, Revolutionary Road is not preachy in the slightest. Revolutionary Road is not a message movie. It does not judge its characters the way American Beauty did.

Revolutionary Road is not simply a great movie, it's an important one. The script is flawless, which is what really sets it apart from American Beauty - the worst screenplay ever to win an Oscar. It eschews cliche at every turn and even if you know what's going to happen, you are surprised by how it happens. The performances across the board are the best of the year in every category. There's nothing out of place here.

Revolutionary Road is certainly a difficult movie, but it's worth it. Know going in the it's a tough road to hoe, but that shouldn't stop you from seeing what is, in my opinion, the first truly great movie of this decade.

This is great

2009-01-06T13:55:00.000-08:00

So, when I saw that this existed I fully expected to hate it. I wanted to hate it. Really wanted to hate it. This is my turf, assholes. I'm the straight guy who likes Gossip Girl. Beat it.

But then I watched it and it's pretty great. Extra points for the Lincoln Hawk reference at the end.

Kudos, fellas. You've done good.

RIP Ron Asheton

2009-01-06T12:09:00.000-08:00

Ron Asheton was found dead this morning in his home. He was 60. Ron Asheton was the original guitar player for the Stooges, one of the greatest and most important bands of all time. They're up for the Rock 'n Roll Hall of Fame this year and they probably won't get in, which is ridiculous.

Anyway, I don't usually do this, but The Stooges were awesome and I love them so go and listen to them today and remember Ron.

Here is a reunited Stooges doing one of my favorites, 1969, with Ron Asheton absolutely killing it.

...And we're back. Finally

2009-01-06T09:54:00.000-08:00

Rejoice world. It's back. It's been too long and oh how I've missed you...well not all of you. I haven't missed Aaron or Dan or Serena or Rufus or Lily or Nate...but Chuck, Blair, Jenny and Dorota...I've missed you...like, a lot.

-The show begins and almost immediately we learn that OMG SERENA HAS DUMPED AARON! Thank god! What a wonderful moment. The rat is gone! Upon hearing this great news I paused the DVR and told Mara to "let the relief wash over you" and then exclaimed "I haven't been this happy since they killed Johnny off 'The OC'" and I meant it.

-I do wish I could have seen Serena tell Aaron it was over. That would have made the moment a touch better for me. To see the pain on his face would have brought me great happiness.

-Blair is trying to join some society of old ladies who, we'll find out later, wear a lot of argyle. I don't pay much attention to this story development as I know it will only serve as a crutch for Blair to have a big moment in denying them down the line. Which she does. Meh.

- If I could be anybody, I think it would probably be Chuck Bass

-Really quick, remember way back in season one when Eric tried to commit suicide? Ok. Good. Now fast forward to last night when Chuck said to him "I'm going to check out the view from above." I don't think Chuck was actually suicidal despite walking on the ledge, but come on Eric if anyone should be able to read the signs it should be you.

-How old is Jack Bass supposed to be? I don't find it terrible that he would desire to sleep with Blair, who is extremely attractive 17 or not, I'm just wondering. It seems as though he is actually a comparable age, but I'm not sure. Did they tell us?

- I think I'm starting to warm up to Dan a bit. This could just be that he is scores better than our not-so dearly departed Aaron, but I'm finding him likable.

-Spin off Darota. I'll write it. With all the news about the possible travesty that will be Rufus and Lily the early years, why not scratch that and find something for Darota.

-I love Blair's clear eyed hatred of Dan. I also loved the summit on whether or not Nelly Yuki could leave the "girls on the steps." That's the GG I've come to adore.

-Lil' J had a great comeback to Constance Billiard, but I would have totally taken the offer to be "queen" had I been her. She could have sabotaged it from the inside. Teenagers.

-Pinkberry. Obvi.

-Hazel is adorable.

-I know I should talk about Lily and Rufus' kid. There I did.

-More Rufus turtlenecks. That man loves turtlenecks almost as much as he loves Semisonic, or so I'd imagine.

-So Serena and Dan share a sibling. I don't get why this is such a big deal. I could get over it. I also love how that's where Chuck would draw the line. This is a guy who tried to date rape Lil' J on a roof in the pilot.

-Apparently Dan Humphrey has never seen what a tan actually looks like because let me tell you, pal Serena didn't have one.

-I'm really confused by the Constance Billiard uniform. Who has to wear it and who doesn't and why have we not discussed this before. Also, the mean girls carry their handbags like Sophia Petrillo.

Alright, so I'm happy to have my friends back, but the episode was mediocre. It was still better than having no episode at all so I'll be generous here and give it a B-

My 25 favorite records of 2008

2009-01-02T09:57:00.000-08:00

Well, this is finally over.

25.) Times New Viking - Rip It Off
24.) Ra Ra Riot - The Rhumb Line
23.) Department of Eagles - In Ear Park
22.) No Age - Nouns
21.) Sun Kil Moon - April
20.) Wolf Parade - At Mount Zoomer
19.) Marnie Stern - This is It and I Am It and You Are It and So Is That and He Is It and She Is It and It Is It and That is That
18.) Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
17.) REM - Accelerate
16.) The Dodos - Visiter
15.) M83 - Saturdays = Youth
14.) The Walkmen - You and Me
13.) Blitzen Traper - Furr
12.) The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound
11.) Deerhunter - Microcastle
10.) Drive By Truckers - Brighter Than Creations Dark
9.) Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Dig!!! Lazarus Dig!!!
8.) Titus Andronicus - The Airing of Grievances
7.) TV on The Radio - Dear Science
6.) Okkervil River - The Stand Ins
5.) Portishead - Third
4.) Los Campesinos! - Hold on Now Youngster
3.) Brian Eno and David Byrne - Everything That Happens Will Happen Today
2.) Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs
1.) The Hold Steady - Stay Positive

The Best Records of 2008 - Honorable Mention

2008-12-23T17:20:00.001-08:00

So, I'm finally going to list these things out and I want to start with ten records that didn't make the cut, but where pretty awesome nonetheless. In no order...

Jenny Lewis - "Acid Tongue". There hasn't been a record this year that I've been more back and forth on than "Acid Tongue".There are great songs on the record - "Acid Tongue", "Sing a Song For Them", "Godspeed", "Pretty Bird" - but there are also some plenty-fine-though-not-memorable ones as well - "Jack Killed Mom", "Bad Man's World", "Black Sand" - and there's the problem. Jenny set the bar too high on her last set of solo material, the brilliant "Rabbit Fur Coat", which had no filler whatsoever. "Acid Tongue" is fine and listenable and at it's best pretty damn great, but it just don't live up to its predecessor.

My Morning Jacket - "Evil Urges". "Evil Urges" was a rather divisive record. Some people straight hated it. Not me. I'm one of the eight people in the world who actually likes "Highly Suspicious." While there was certainly a good deal of departure from the expected MMJ sound, songs like "I'm Amazed" and "Sec Walkin'" kept it recognizable and anchored a really nice record.

Lykke Li - "Youth Novels". Swallow this, America - we live in a world where Lykke Li is not a pop superstar. Unbelievable. Youth Novels is a great pop record spearheaded by a number of absolute PERFECT pop singles ("I'm Good, I'm Gone" and "Little Bit"). But, alas she's probably a little too raw, a little too honest and most damningly too smart for the rest of the world. Which is unfortunate, but we'll keep her for ourselves...for now.

Tim Fite - "Fair Ain't Fair". Man, is Tim Fite great and he is criminally underrated. Last year, he released an online only record for free called "Over the Counterculture" which was a serious and highly political affair. It was excellent, but it wasn't necessarily fun. Enter "Fair Ain't Fair" - a kitchen-sink gem that served as the perfect antidote. Songs like "Sing Along" ("One more time for the la-di-da, three more times for the ba-ba-ba, we wanna, we wanna, we wanna la-la-la"), "Big Mistake" and "Yesterday's Garden" contributed to the best BBQ, not to mention hip-hop, record of the year.

Be Your Own Pet - "Get Awkward". "Get Awkward" was a strange swan song for Tennessee's Be Your Own Pet seeing as how three songs (including the record's best "Becky") were removed from the US version by their record label because they were deemed "too violent". Even without them, however "Get Awkward" was a ton of fun and BYOP's youthful vigor was in full force. It may not have been as good as their "pretty close to perfect" debut, but it was still good enough to make BYOP's breakup one of the most unfortunate in recent memory.

Kathleen Edwards - "Asking For Flowers". Kathleen Edwards ain't showy, but damn is she good. First and foremost, Edwards can spin a yarn, which she'd been doing over two sterling records prior to "Flowers". She's on par with some of the best songwriters currently working and her records continue to be reliable, if not wheel reinventing, gems.

Randy Newman - "Harps and Angels". People who think Randy Newman is just that guy who writes songs for Disney movies are wildly misinformed. At his best, Newman is the sharpest and funniest social critic and boy oh boy, does he hate President Bush. "Harps and Angels" is THE definitive protest record of the Bush administration, but besides that it's a fun listen and great to have Newman back pissed off.

Torche - "Meanderthal". Torche's "Meanderthal" is the best metal record I heard all year. It's kind of like anti-metal. Sure there's heavy, sludgy riffs, but oftentimes these are coupled with actual melodies making "Meanderthal" the best metal pop metal record since Queens of the Stone Age's classic "Songs For the Deaf".

Alejandro Escovedo - "Real Animal". "Real Animal" is simple good old fashioned rock 'n roll and who better to do it than Escovedo, a true rock 'n roll lifer and one hell of a songwriter. "Real Animal" looks back on a life made exciting and meaningful because of rock 'n roll. "Real Animal" is, at times, poignant, but never cheesy and producer Tony Visconti helps shape Escovedo's best record in a long time.

The Mountain Goats - "Heretic Pride". John Darnielle can stop surprising people already. He can rest on his laurels if he'd like, but it's as though he physically can't. Every Mountain Goats record is great...all of them. And his live show is consistently awesome. For "Heretic Pride" Darnielle has gone back to writing about characters, rather than himself, and the result is something approaching sublime, just listen to "San Bernadino" - it's simple and gorgeous and just may be my favorite Mountain Goats song yet.

The Best Records of 2008 - The Hold Steady's Stay Positive

2008-12-16T21:14:00.000-08:00

The Hold Steady are my favorite band. I cannot be objective when it comes to them. They are such a huge part of my life and I love them. I thought the best way to talk about their recent record "Stay Positive" would be to copy and paste and email I sent to some friends right after "Stay Positive" revealed itself to me. It's full of true passion. I really, really love this band. Here it is...

"Stay Positive"

WOW!!

I've had it for a month now and it just wasn't catching me. I would
listen here and there, but kept going back to like three or four
songs and skipping whole chunks at a time.

Three days ago, I made it a point to listen to the whole thing. To
give it my full attention. To listen to it two or three times if I
needed to. I didn't need to. By the time track three ended, I knew
that this was it. This is the album the Hold Steady have been
promising to make since record one. It's their masterpiece. It's
easily their best record and could quite possibly be one of the
single greatest rock 'n roll records EVER recorded.

It's exciting and It's contemplative, it's sad and it's funny, it's
nostalgic and it's right now, It's fresh and familiar. It's a study
of contradictions that work so perfectly together. It's inspiring.
It makes me want to listen to nothing but the Hold Steady. I just
keep going back and suddenly all the older songs are better. I was
running into getting sick of them because I've listened so much, but
now they're new.

I don't know how they did this. I couldn't have loved the Hold Steady
more then I did after "Boys and Girls". But I do. I love them more. I
want them to be the only band in the world. There just isn't room for
anyone else.

If you haven't been able to spend time with "Stay Positive", do it.
Please. You may think "One For the Cutters" is plodding, but then
around the fifth or sixth time, you hear the story and the
harpsichord and you'll realize it's the best song they've ever done,
until you hear "Slapped Actress" which is really the best song
they've ever done. It's so good.

I get chills.

This is why someone invented music

This is the greatest band in the world.

No doubt.

Be happy you're alive for them.

Really.

The Best Records of 2008 - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds' "Dig!!!Lazarus Dig!!!

2008-12-16T11:49:00.000-08:00

"Dig!!! Lazarus, Dig!!!" is awesome.

In 2004, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds released a double album which was really two separate albums called "Abbatoir Blues/Lyre of Orpheus". This is relevant because even after having been around for thirty years (counting his time with The Birthday Party as well as some non-Bad Seeds solo records), many considered "Abbatoir/Lyre" to be his masterpiece. I was one of those people. I was so drawn to that record and have spent so much time with it over the past four years.

"Abbatoir/Lyre" was going to be impossible to top. But then, all of a sudden it wasn't.

It all started when the first single from Nick Cave and the Bad Seed's latest record, "Dig, Lazarus Dig!!!", the title track actually, was released a full month before the record. I downloaded the song and listened to it for a month. It was an aggressive, strange carnival-barking sing along that had all the elements of the best in the Cave cannon.

But that was just the beginning. "Dig, Lazarus Dig!!!" is really a great record. Is it better than "Abbatoir/Lyre"? I'm not sure, but it's close and I have said at various points through the year that it was. I spent the past week revisiting it quite a bit while trying to put this list together and it's hard for me to decide. But, it really doesn't matter. In the context of the music released this year it is virtually without peer.

It is wonderfully ramshackle one minute ("Dig, Lazarus, Dig!!!", "We Call Upon the Author") and then it's gorgeously poignant the next ("Hold on to Yourself", "Jesus of the Moon"). This is what sets "Dig!!!" apart. Whereas "Abbatoir/Lyre" were two records with two different styles, "Dig!!!" has managed to meld those two styles into just one perfect record. Cave is having a tremendous 2000's with two (really three) amazing records, not to mention a really fun side project with Grinderman last year. But can he top it? I'm not asking him to, but I wouldn't put it past him.

Sometimes my ideas don't make sense.

2008-12-16T10:12:00.001-08:00

I keep a small notebook with me at all times. If someone says something funny, I write it down. If I say something funny, I write it down. If I see something funny, I write it down. If I have a sketch idea, I write it down. If I... you get it.

Anyway, sometimes I go back and look at it and I have no idea where something came from or why I thought something was funny, or even what it means at all.

This is a new column wherein I will look back through my notebook and transcribe exactly what I found...

"Fake AIDS. Maybe a guy pretends to have AIDS to get sympathy? Then maybe people find out he was lying, but then he actually gets AIDS and no one believes him like 'The Boy Who Cried Wolf'"

That's an actual idea I had at some point in my life.

Since there was no Gossip Girl last night - Pat Facts

2008-12-16T09:24:00.000-08:00

-I have read the first fifty pages of "Infinite Jest" five times and have still never gotten further and now that David Foster Wallace has died, I feel sorely obligated.

-My favorite actor is Jeff Bridges.

-I hate vacations. Not time off, I love that, but the idea of using all your time off to go somewhere just seems stressful. Full disclosure, I haven't really been on many vacations, but I don't find them appealing at all. If I can drive somewhere in three hours, that's fine. That's more like a getaway. For example, like a cabin somewhere that sounds great. Hole up in a cabin for two days by a fireplace, drink wine and play board games - count me in. But, something for a week or more, no thanks. Especially if I have to actually do things like see sights. Ugh!

-While we're on this topic I also hate adventure of any sort. Even something like a roller coaster. Pass. I prefer to keep my feet on the ground thanks. Just getting through the day is enough of an adrenaline rush, you know? Waaaa Waaaaa! (I'm positive that last line didn't translate in writing).

-If I was going to name a boy child, the absolute last name I would call him is Brad.

-I almost always laugh during the show "Intervention". I know it's wrong, but I can't help it and it makes me feel bad about myself.

The Best Records of 2008 - Okkervil River's "The Stand Ins"

2008-12-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

Even if Okkervil River's "The Stand Ins" doesn't find it's way to the top of my best records list, it will stand firmly as the single most underrated record released in 2008.

"The Stand Ins" while brilliant, is coming on the heels of its companion piece, last years "The Stage Names" which happened to be my favorite record of 2007. Most fans of "The Stage Names" are still listening to "The Stage Names" seeing as how it's beautiful and all and I think some weren't ready for part two just yet.

Well get yourselves ready because "The Stand Ins" is almost as beautiful as its predecessor. Listened back to back, it truly feels like the greatest double album ever recorded - which is what it was intended to be. There's no filler. Not one even mediocre song between the two records and I'll say this - the only thing that gives "The Stage Names" the edge is that there is one more proper song than "The Stand Ins"

"The Stand Ins" is a bit more upbeat which, depending on your taste, can either add or subtract points I'd assume. It's emotionally complex, obviously and Will Sheff's songs play out like the greatest short stories, as usual. It's safe to say that Sheff is among the top three songwriters working right now.

In a lot of ways, Okkervil River are the anti-Hold Steady, which makes it odd that they are my two favorite modern bands. While The Hold Steady stress inclusion, Okkervil River tend to keep their fans at arms length. This actually works and is what makes their records so essential. You'll pick through each phrase uttered by Will Sheff and that's the point. I find Okkervil River to be very accessible, but they're the kind of band that while you can enjoy their songs the first time around, more will be revealed through repeated listens. Like Arrested Development. The show. Not the hip-hop group with Baba O Jay.

Mike Huckabee tries to explain why it's okay to be prejudiced against gay people in this country, but Jon Stewart is having none of it

2008-12-10T12:42:00.000-08:00

That's pretty much it.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Mike Huckabee Pt. 2

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

Carrie Fisher is my favorite person on earth

2008-12-10T09:26:00.001-08:00

She's basically a real life Lucille Bluth. I love her. And I want her book right this minute.

She was so great, they kept her around for more awesomeness

The Best Records of 2008 - The Gaslight Anthem's "The '59 Sound"

2008-12-10T08:49:00.002-08:00

For some reason, the Gaslight Anthem are usually lumped in with some wildly inferior bands (tourmates Rise Against spring to mind immediately) but they couldn't be further from that cookie-cutter mall punk sound. The Gaslight Anthem (and I'm stealing this) are more like Bruce Springsteen as sung by the Bouncing Souls.

Their latest record, The '59 Sound, is a truly great rock and roll record. It's unpretentious to a fault (they quote "Round Here" by the Counting Crows without a hint of irony) and manages to be earnest without a hint of cheese - no easy feat I assure you.

The Gaslight Anthem are indebted to their influences, name-checking them early and often (from Bob Seger to Tom Waits and the aforementioned Bruce Sprngsteen). The songs are uplifting and the canvas they're painting on, like The Hold Steady, may seem limited in scope, but in their hands surprises with minute details in lyrics that can make you laugh and cry. It's easy to see why teenagers love this band-they're singing about them-but these songs are anthems meant to be played loud and grown-ups will find just the right level of nostalgia to keep them interested.

There were better records released this year from a technical perspective - The Gaslight Anthem are not out to reinvent the wheel here - but, I don't really want to listen to those records as much as I do "The '59 Sound" which happens to be my most listened to release of 2008 and is looking to remain that way in 2009.

Because I would want to meet at Grand Central Station to talk about my abortion as well.

2008-12-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Unbelievable. Really. Just great stuff last night. I even took notes.

-I want to start by saying there is not a more believable bloodline in television than CeCe, Lily and Serena. Those are three beautiful women.

-Eric had a funny line regarding Lily - "All she does is make lists and yell at people" which actually sounds a lot like me, except for the yelling at people part.

-Lily: "Nobody's comforted by a tuna tower." This was the line of the night until Ms. Blair Wladorf: "It's not maternal. I've been spending too much time with Cyrus and I'm turning Jewish."

-Here's the thing about the Cyrus/Blair relationship - It shouldn't work, but it totally does! Wallace Shawn is such a pro and when their scenes together end, I immediately want a new one, but unfortunately I usually just get Aaron.

-On the Aaron front. OH MY FUCKING GOD! Nobody like him, right? If you like Aaron, please let me know. This is a huge misstep in what has been an otherwise compelling season. I'm not saying Serena shouldn't have a not-Dan boyfriend, but you mean to tell me this guy was the best choice. And maybe the actor isn't as bad as I think, it could just be the character. I think it's a mixture. I think they both suck. I hate them and want them off my television.

- I always find it odd when grown ups know about texting. I mean, I know they know about it, both of my parents do it, but it still feels like something that should confuse grown ups and it doesn't. These are the same people who couldn't program VCR's in old cliches right?

-When Lily was listening to Bart's voice mail in the park I said "That lipstick is loud" and Mara motioned to my pad as if to say "write that down." I did.

-Tonight I started calling Rufus "Doofus". I know it's not that funny, but it made me happy and I can't believe it took me this long to get to that place.

-A word about Ed Westwick. He's amazing. Even when he's being over the top, and there were moments last night when he was flying really high above said top, he's compelling and believable. If Emmy voters weren't such snobs, Westwick would get nominated for his work in this episode. He ran the gamut of emotions like no other actor on this show and in just one episode. It was a tour de force. No jokes here at all, I was that impressed.

-He should have played Edward Cullen in Twilight.

-Apparently Lincoln Hawk only had one song and ol' Doofus loves singing it. At one point I couldn't find the name Lincoln Hawk in my brain and I referred to them as Falcon Crest. I knew their name wasn't Falcon Crest, but Mara thought it was funny and did the "write it down" gesture so, again, I did.

-"Death clarifies things. It brings some people closer together, pushes other people farther apart." Welcome to Cliche Town population Rufus Humphrey.

-Christ Dan and Serena! How many times do we have to go through the same thing over and over and over. We get it. You belong together, you're both boring. Just fucking do it already.

-I liked when Serena told Lily she was going away with her boyfriend and Lily told her she thought it was a great idea. Yep, it's a great idea for my high school aged daughter to go on vacation for a fuck paradise with a mousy looking twat. Makes sense.

-Oh, hi Aaron that's a great outfit for your dad's wedding. I see you've buttoned your top button that's great, but just one thing YOU'RE NOT WEARING A FUCKING TIE TOP BUTTON FACE!

-I thought the Lily and Chuck face-off would be nastier.

-How many turtlenecks does Rufus own and how have we not talked about this before?

-So, Lily had an abortion. We think. Or maybe she had a kid and gave it up for adoption. It's unclear. Either way. Whatevs.

-January 5th? I have to wait almost a month for a new Gossip Girl. Really? I don't know if I can handle this.

Anyway. A. No question. Great episode. Chuck alone is worth the A.

The Best Records of 2008 - Portishead's Third

2008-12-05T10:21:00.000-08:00

As a pretty big Portishead fan - their classic 1994 release "Dummy" is top 50 records of all time status with me - I was pretty excited when it was announced they would, after 11 years, release a very long awaited third record.

Said record, aptly titled "Third", may not be exactly what Portishead fans were expecting. In a lot of ways "Third" is less a reintroduction to a once beloved outfit and more an actual introduction to something different. The trip hop movement of the nineties, spearheaded by "bands" like Portishead as well as Massive Attack and Tricky, was pretty close to dead and, it seems, "Third" was basically the final nail in the coffin. When a group so tied to trip hop, as Portishead were, releases a record so outside the genre, you may as well just come to grips with the fact that it's over.

The good news is, this isn't a bad thing. Portishead version 2.0 is actually pretty awesome - they swell now and have synths and the drums kick in hard and fast at points. I think that's a ukulele driving the Beach Boys-esque harmonies in "Deep Water"! Beth Gibbons voice is still in tact though - as vulnerable as you remember it, but also as beautiful.

"Third" happens to be a revelation. It's not the easiest listen, but it's not supposed to be. Portishead were never easy and I wouldn't expect anything different from this new model. Just because they've made a different kind of record does not mean they should make it any easier for us. That's not to say I don't like easy - I do...very often. But, I also like to be rewarded for diligence and I stuck with "Third" and now it's unquestionably one of my favorite records of the year.

A few thoughts about this season of Top Chef

2008-12-04T13:09:00.000-08:00

Surprisingly, I really like Fabio and can't stand Jamie.

I was positive I would hate Fabio - his alliance with Stefan, his "I'm better than the Americans" attitude - but I don't. Not even a little. He's kind of self deprecating and obviously talented and most importantly, he's funny. He's in my pro column for now.

But Jamie, oh Jamie. You were supposed to be my favorite. Oh, how you've disappointed. You're mean and though you're a tiny, cute lesbian with sweet tats I can see through you. I was fooled by a Kenley once and I shant be again.

Ariane is making the finals. This I'm sure of.

I always hate the guest judge, even when I like them I hate them.

My guess for Top Chef slogan T this year is either Fabio or Danny. Neither has said anything that memorable yet, but just wait.

Melissa's bangs are atrocious. I find it hard to look at her. That's mean, I know but still.

I kind of think Hosea and Leah are adorable, though I'm confident they'll get old really fast.

Eugene looks like he just got out of prison.

The guy who left last night, Alex I think, looks like the WWE wrestler Umaga.

Carla is awesome. There is no season without Carla. She's crazy. I fear she's not long for the Top Chef world and what a sadder world it will be.

There is no other reality show on TV that has contestants who use the phrase "throw (someone) under the bus" more than Top Chef. In fact, it may overtake "I'm not here to make friends" as the single most cliched reality show phrase period. Probably not, though.

This is awesome

2008-12-03T10:03:00.000-08:00

Funny or Die posted this video today and it's great. It's called Prop 8: The Musical and it exposes all of the Prop 8 supporters as the hateful bigots they are...except with jokes.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

WOW

2008-12-02T12:08:00.000-08:00

Those of you who know me, know I love Morrissey. I'm a huge Morrissey fan. But guess what? I am officially an even bigger Morrissey fan because apparently this is the cover of his new record...

There is a possibility this is not the cover art, but either way it's awesome and so is Morrissey.

Three more Pat facts - up from two last time.

2008-12-02T10:19:00.000-08:00

I had pumpkin pie for the first time in my life this Thanksgiving. Turns out, it's pretty good. It's not great, but I'd definitely eat it again.

When I was a kid, I had a big crush on Leslie Ann Warren who played Miss Scarlett in the Clue movie.

I'm positive the greatest television character of all time is Jackie Harris played by the brilliant Laurie Metcalf on Roseanne. There may have been some that are more "socially important" or something like that, but for sheer entertainment and killer line reads - it's Jackie in a walk. Number two - Lucille Bluth on Arrested Development.

Because apparently Olympian Nastia Lukin was on last night's episode and I had no idea.

2008-12-02T10:09:00.000-08:00

It's the Bart dies episode! Finally!

Let's just say the Chuck/Lily story is gonna get nasty and awesome. This has the potential to be a pantheon Gossip Girl moment, providing they don't mess it up like they did much of last night's episode.

For starters, there was too much going on in the world of Humdrum and Serena. I'm not even going to comment on it. They have the "metaphorical cutting of the tie" or whatever Dan said. Haven't they done this like thirteen times already?

Every time Aaron comes on screen I cringe. I'm so predisposed to hate this guy and his photos of Serena are not art, they're stupid.

Lexi was cute though.

I do love the mini-Blairs. They make me laugh. It's good to know there are girls out there who can carry on the Waldorf legacy while she's off at Yale.

My favorite is Hazel.

Oh and Lil' J is coming back to school bitches!

Rufus' record collection looked like shit, huh? For a hip dad who lent an imaginary Pixies box set to Nate I thought he would do better than Jeff Beck and Aeromsith. Jesus and Mary Chain? XTC, even?

Say what you will about Jessica Szhor, but my girl can cry. Vanessa spent most of last night crying. By the by, why can't Vanessa do one dastardly thing without having to come clean about it? She's too perfect. Frankly, it's a little annoying. And of course she's never felt that way about anyone before, Nate! The last person to show romantic interest in her was Dan. No one likes, Dan.

Which brings me, briefly, back to Dan and Serena - believe it or not, I wish they would get back together because then we'd only have to endure one Dareena storyline per week.

How great are Blair and Chuck? I mean, honestly. We don't even need to talk about it. They are absolute magic on screen together. When they're scheming, they can make even the worst episode at least passable.

Solid work from Dorota as per usual.

Line of the night: "I gave her that headband."

I didn't think it was possible for the GG wardrobe people to top Chuck's "anchor cardigan", but they have and I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. That sparkly jacket was ridiculously awesome!

Why are there always parties and balls in the world of Gossip Girl? I mean always.

I guess I should talk about Rufus and Lily...there I talked about it. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

The see through dress wasn't all that see through. I mean, who cares really? You can see more Serena tit in clothes that aren't see through. Vanessa should have owned it, that would have been great

Dan was excited for the snowflake ball. You know why? Dan's gay.

The Norman Mailer reference was forced. Remember when Norman Mailer was on Gilmore Girls and you totally believed it? Me too.

Beta Chuck. HA!

I used to work right under an elevated subway train and when the train is going by, you cannot hear the person on the other end. I used to have stop conversations. Dan, though, had no problem.

Overall not great, but Blair and Chuck knock it up a full letter grade, so B-

Things I'm Thankful For

2008-11-26T09:17:00.000-08:00

So, people love making Thanksgiving "What I'm Thankful For" blog posts. It's true - they do. Well guess what so do I.

These are things I'm thankful for

-First, people - I'm thankful for my loving parents and family, my super kick-ass girlfriend/best friend Adrienne, my super kick-ass roommate/best friend Mara, all of my friends, but for the purpose of this blog only the ones who I know read it, so Joann, Lorianne, Elana, Brooke and Torp (if anyone else reads it, well, I'm sorry, I had no idea) and my cousin Ann, who I know reads and who was very recently responsible, along with myself, for stealing a signed photo of Matt Lauer from a bar after a Squeeze show. Also, I'm thankful for The Dan Ryan and my comedy wife Sarah Walker and by extension, Twinzees.

-Professional wrestling. I know some people think it's lowest common denominator entertainment, but there's an art to it that only people crazy enough to see it get. It's ballet. A weird, testosterone driven ballet. Special thanks to Edge, for being consistently entertaining and to Chris Jericho and Shawn Michaels for working the best program I've seen in, probably, five years.

-Bones. The television show Bones, which is very quietly one of the best, most consistent shows on TV. This is thanks mostly to the two leads David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel whose chemistry drives the show as a sort of modern day His Girl Friday.

-The Hold Steady. For existing.

-Sam Adams Winer Lager. I know, it's so stupid to put a beer, but I really love the stuff. It's delicious.

-Bits

-Sound Opinions - the world's only rock 'n roll talk show.

-Sports Radio 66 WFAN. I honestly could not live without it.

-The "Murmer" reissue and the "Brighten the Corners" reissue. I'm not sure what it says about me when I get more excited for reissues of records I already own then new records I haven't heard yet. I'm getting old.

-Impressions that my co-workers do - especially Ted's Bruce Springsteen and another one, Mike's Kat Williams and Torp's Keith Hernandez. They're all special in their own way.

-Brunch - It's my favorite thing in the world

-Magazines - They're great.

-The January returns of Big Love and Friday Night Lights, two of my favorite shows.

-TV on DVD. It's really one of the best things to happen in modern technology. You mean I can watch any Roseanne whenever I want? Stop. No, you can and it's great.

-Music Hall of Williamsburg - You mean there's a venue where even I can see the stage? Wow.

-Gossip Girl

-Adrienne's Turkey meatloaf because it's almost better when used for sandwiches following it's initial run.

-The New York Jets - just having a fantastic year.

-The New York Mets - they break my heart every year, but I'd rather have them than not have them, you know?

-1littlefish - for making my blog legit.

-The great comedies of 2008 - Pineapple Express, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Tropic Thunder and Role Models. I loved them all and Bill Hader was in almost all of them.

I'm sure there's more, but I'm spent so...there's that.

Best Records of 2008 - David Byrne and Brian Eno "Everything That Happens Will Happen Today"

2008-11-25T10:01:00.000-08:00

David Byrne and Brian Eno's "Everything That Happens Will Happen Today" is the lead horse in my best of the year list right now.

I can't say enough about this record. Byrne and Eno are an intimidating force. They're much smarter than everyone (a fact made plain in a great quote from former Talking Heads bassist Tina Wymouth. When asked about the friends, she derogatorily said - and this is paraphrased - when they're old they will be each other's only friend because no one else is smart enough) and their music is sometimes very inaccessible.

Some adore their first non-Talking Heads collaboration, 1981's "My Life in the Bush of Ghosts", but I've always found it sort of cold. There are stellar moments, but as a whole I don't revisit it much. The complete opposite is true of "Everything That Happens..." It's warm, inviting and instantly accessible. It's Byrne and Eno inviting everybody to the party rather than having a selective guest list.

In "Bush of Ghosts" Byrne and Eno used found sounds and basically cut and pasted them together in an experiment that pre-dated electronica. The new record relies on actual music and melody - it would sound right at home next to Eno's work with Byrne's Talking Heads.

This is a really good thing. "Everything That Happens..." is a positive, dare I say, pop record with themes of wonder. Byrne's vocals have never been better and the lyrics evoke a childhood curiosity that suits the easy, relaxed vibe of Eno's arrangements.

In short, I love this record. Byrne and Eno have remarked that this was their stab at an "electric gospel" record. Okay. Sounds good to me. Regardless, it's easily one of the best records of the year.

The True Blood finale was bad

2008-11-25T08:17:00.000-08:00

Really bad...achingly bad.

Nothing happened! Absolutely nothing. In fact, this post is gonna be really short because I don't remember anything happening and the whole Rene chases Sookie and tries to kill her thing, I was nodding off...literally. This isn't some hollow statement "Oh, it was so bad, I fell asleep." No metaphor. I was falling asleep during what, I'd imagine, was supposed to be the most tense moment of the series.

Here's the verdict:

-Tara's not dead which is a shame.
-Jason, who was completely uninterested in the anti-vampire church while in jail, is now apparently a part of said anti-vampire church.
-I can't remember what happened with Sookie and Bill, but it was boring and Bill almost burned to death which actually would have been great.
-I kind of, sort of like the Balfour brothers and I'm interested in why Andy has such an ax to grind re:Jason.
-Funniest moment of the year - Arlene digging through Rene's box and finding the cassette titled "Cajun Dialect for Actors." It was so faux tense. I laughed out loud.

All in all True Blood was and is so very bad. I'm glad it's coming back though, because I really love to hate it. See you next summer, Sookie!

Meanwhile bring on Margene!

Twilight - The Final Verdict

2008-11-22T14:02:00.000-08:00

Alright, so Twilight the movie was fine. Just fine. Here were the best parts...

-Anna Kendrick as Jessica - Without a doubt the best thing about the movie. Great timing, super funny - she nailed it. In fact, the best stuff in the entire movie was the high school stuff. It's amazing that I find all of these minor characters scores more interesting than both Bella and Edward.

-Charlie in the movie is way better than Charlie in the book.

-As suspected they cut out a lot of talking. In fact, there were some really quick unintentionally funny moments wherein music would swell and you would see Bella and Edward talking to each other, but wouldn't hear it. Thank God.

-The movie had a sense of humor, which I was shocked by.

-Three words - Edward plays piano. This is the funniest thing in the movie. It's almost worth the price of admission for how ridiculous it is.

-The "baddie" vampires are in the whole movie instead of just at the precise moment where Stephanie Meyer realized there was no action in her story.

-Alice's badass killing of James.

Alright, here are the bad parts...

-Robert Pattinson - He's really not a good actor.

-Not enough Jacob - I happen to like Jacob. Apparently he comes into play much heavier in the later books and becomes a possible love interest for Bella. There are some fans who claim to be in Team Jacob as opposed to Team Edward. I don't fall into either camp, but I like the actor who played Jacob much better than Robert Pattinson.

-The last 200 pages of the book make up for about ten minutes of screen time, which is a shame because the last 200 pages of the book were the only interesting part. Put it this way - it was really easy for Bella to get away from Alice and Jasper.

-Not enough Alice. I love Alice. She's my favorite character in the book. She's barely in the movie.

-Did I mention Robert Pattinson is not a good actor? He's not.

-The Twilight series hates sex. Hates it.

All in all the film was overwrought like the books and ultimately unsatisfying. Twilight baffles me. I should love it, but I don't. I'm still gonna read the next book though.

Let's Hope For Berlin

2008-11-21T11:19:00.001-08:00

This is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I almost feel bad for Kristen Stewart here. Key word is almost. It's a really bad interview, but not in a Lauren Conrad way, more in a "alright, Kristen Stewart you may act it, but I'm positive you don't have anything better going on. Show some enthusiasm, you're on Letterman for god's sake.

To see a young actress absolutely nail her first Letterman interview look no further than Blake Lively...

And I don't even like Blake Lively all that much, but she's really good at being interviewed by David Letterman, that's for sure.

Best of 2008 Part 1

2008-11-21T09:46:00.000-08:00

So, the end of the year is fast approaching - that time of year for my most pretentious pasttime - telling you what the best records of the year are!!!

So, I usually do top 20. I don't know how it's going to work this year. I think I'm going to just start writing about random records that I thought were great this year here and there and then when it really comes close to the end of the year I'll post the definitive list.

These are all the records in contention in absolutely no order. This may change as I may have forgotten something. We'll see.

Blitzen Trapper - Furr
Okkervil River - The Stand Ins
Los Campesinos! - Hold on Now Youngster
Titus Andronicus - The Airing of Grievances
The Hold Steady - Stay Positive
No Age - Nouns
Cadence Weapon - Afterparty Babies
Calexico - Carried to Dust
The Cool Kids - The Bake Sale
David Byrne and Brian Eno - Everything That Happens Will Happen Today
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Dig! Lazarus Dig!
Lucinda Williams - Little Honey
Deerhunter - Microcastle
Department of Eagles - In Ear Park
Drive By Truckers - Brighter Than Creations Dark
Dr. Dog - Fate
Evangelicals - The Evening Descends
Fleet Foxes - Fleet Foxes
Frightened Rabbit - The Midnight Organ Fight
Times New Viking - Rip It Off
The Gaslight Anthem - The '59 Sound
Girl Talk - Night Ripper
The Gutter Twins - Saturnalia
Islands - Arm's Way
Jennifer O'Conner - Here With Me
Kathleen Edwards - Asking For Flowers
The Kills-Midnight Boom
The Last Shadow Puppets- The Age of the Understatement
Lyle Lovett - It's not Big It's Large
M83 - Saturday Youth
Marnie Stern - This is it...
Martha Wainwright - I Know You're Married...
The Mountain Goats - Heretic Pride
Oxford Collapse - Bits
Portishead - Third
REM - Accelerate
Ra Ra Riot - The Rhumb Line
She and Him - Volume One
Shearwater - Rook
Silver Jews - Lookout Mountain, Lookout Sea
Bob Mould-District Line
Steven Malkmus - Real Emotional Trash
Bon Iver - For Emma, Forever Ago
Sun Kil Moon - April
Tim Fite - Fair Ain't Fair
TV on the Radio - Dear Science
Jenny Lewis - Acid Tongue
The Walkmen - You and Me
The War on Drugs - Wagonwheel Blues
Wolf Parade - At Mount Zoomer
Be Your Own Pet - Get Awkward
Black Mountain - In the Future
Death Cab For Cutie - Narrow Stairs
Beck - Modern Guilt

Twilight - I'm ready to get this over with.

2008-11-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I've got Twilight at ten o'clock. I finished the book last night and let me tell you - Eeesh. Not good. I can still see it being a decent enough movie because they will have to cut out at least fifty percent of the book. Parts like - Bella and Edward talking, Bella and Edward brooding, Bella and Edward lacking any sort of sense of humor, Bella and Edward asking each other questions and then answering them and vice versa, Bella and Alice talking, Alice drawing, Jasper and Alice talking, Jessica and Bella talking etc. etc.

It moves at a snails pace. There is no action. In fact the only action in the whole book (the James/Edward fight) doesn't even happen. I mean it does, but Bella's passed out so we only hear about it. It does look like it's actually going to happen in the movie, which is a plus.

Also, that scene in the trailer when they're high in the trees, that's not in the book and it looks awesome. So, hopefully the movie takes liberties on the books many deficiencies. This might make teenage girls mad, but it will make me happy.

I have to say, I'm not so big on this Twilight thing. It's the first YA thing that has actually made me feel creepy - and I watch Degrassi. I could always justify things like Degrassi though, because come on, I love it for the cheese factor. And the Gilmore Girls because the writing was sharp and they made Sonic Youth references and the characters were quirky and interesting. Not Twilight. Twilight has none of those things. Twilight feels like it was made for child molesters.

Which is why I find it weird that adult women love these books. It's kind of gross. To me, this all or nothing relationship between Bella and Edward is so high school where every moment is of the utmost importance and everything is the end of the world. It's pretty real in those cases, but shouldn't most adults look back on those things and be grossed out by them and not want to revisit them.

Further, a lot of these adult women who love these books have daughters. Would they want their teenage daughters pledging things like "I'd rather die than be without you" to any boy at that age, especially a boy they just met. It seems to be sending the wrong message.

Lastly, grown women lusting after the Edward Cullen character is as creepy as it gets. I know, I get it - he's supposed to be 100 years old, but he looks like a high school kid and is in love with a high school girl - which 100 years old or not makes him a teenager. Gross.

Alright, I'll be back later tonight or, more than likely tomorrow, for thoughts on the movie.

1 day until Twilight

2008-11-20T10:57:00.000-08:00

I'm actually getting sick of Twilight. It's actually a bit frightening the way girls are reacting to this thing. They're screaming and crying. Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were on the Today show this morning and it was super weird. I'm pretty sure Kristen Stewart hates Robert Pattinson because he's kind of creepy and clearly in love with her and she's like "no thanks." My favorite is her answer to the question as to why she thought Pattinson should play Edward...

"I shop at used book stores" aside, I kind of like Kristen Stewart.

Anyway, the book is just about done and it's not really exciting. They really just talk about stuff. They sit in places and talk and talk and talk. Stephanie Meyer is not a good writer.

My excitement level is down almost to "Can I just get this over with already"

Two Pat facts...Enjoy

2008-11-20T09:20:00.000-08:00

1.) I love AC/DC.

(Here are bands that AC/DC is better than - Guns 'N Roses, Led Zeppelin, Metallica, Kiss and Van Halen. Here are bands that AC/DC is not better than - Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, Thin Lizzy and Joan Jett and the Blackhearts.)

2.) I don't watch any incarnation of Bravo's Real Housewives series. I know when you're watching Top Chef or Project Runway and you see the commercials for "The Real Housewives of some place or another" you probably think, "I bet Pat watches those shows and I bet he loves them" because it looks like I would and because you often spend time thinking about my television watching habits. Truth is, I've never seen an episode. It's not for any high horse reason and I'm not judging you if you like those shows at all. It just so happens I've never seen it.

Twilight update

2008-11-19T11:36:00.000-08:00

Alright, so this is three posts in a row that deal with vampire related topics. Couple that with all the True Blood stuff and this blog is becoming scarily goth.

Anyway, I bought my tickets for Twilight today and I got a little further in the book and business has picked up. Bella just had to tell Charlie she was leaving since "the hunter" is after her. There was a lot of fast driving and Edward telling everyone what to do and there was baseball, which seemed odd.

I'm positive the movie will be way better than the book and as a result my excitement level has increased to really excited.

Something I love today

2008-11-19T11:28:00.001-08:00

Videogum posted this video yesterday and I'm obsessed with it.

It really makes me laugh. In my DJ Bobo research though, I came across some pretty disappointing news. He's not actually one of those weird dudes who thinks he's a vampire. It's just a song. In fact DJ Bobo is huge in Switzerland, like super-duper huge, like Madonna huge. He's got a million songs - they are mostly all bad, but still he's got a million of them and he's super popular so he gets the last laugh.

Anyway, "Vampires Are Alive" is still really funny. I especially like this line - "Tonight is the night of a thousand years/Don't be scared, don't drown in tears." When he heard it, my friend Jay said "yep, those words rhyme." That's funny.

Twilight countdown

2008-11-18T16:34:00.000-08:00

Alright, so I'm absolutely swept up in the hype surrounding Twilight, which comes out on Friday and which I will see that night. Truth is though, I'm reading the first book now and I actually kind of hate it. I'm almost done and it really feels like nothing has happened. I'm 350 pages in and all that fighting and stuff that you see in the movie's trailer hasn't even happened yet. Hell, I haven't even gotten to the reveal that Jacob is a werewolf. All they do is talk. "Do you have questions?" "Yes and I'm going to ask some now." And then they ask each other questions. Shit it was 200 pages before she even found out he was a vampire.

I thought I would be way more swoony for it and I'm just not.

But alas, it's a big pop culture moment so I'm in.

My big question though, will it make $65,000,000 in it's first weekend? I'm actively hoping it does.

I'll be updating my Twilight excitement status throughout the week. Right now it's pretty excited.

I was way more excited for Nick and Norah though. Apparently I only get excited for movies based on YA novels. I don't even want to think about what that says about me.

Beyonce corners the market on awesomeness

2008-11-18T11:27:00.000-08:00

I had always held up Beyonce's "Crazy in Love" as the benchmark for the modern R&B/dance single. It's the best one and, honestly, nothing has come close since (Alicia Keys' "No One" may be the closest, but even that's not very close).

Why do I bring this up? Well, Beyonce may have done it. She may have bested herself. I'm not positive yet, but it's damn close. "Single Ladies" may be the best R&B/dance single of the modern era (which I put at, well, the last fifteen years). While the subject matter may be a bit anti-feminist (why should a woman need to be engaged to feel fulfilled in a relationship? Not all women even want to get married), it's infectious groove, killer chorus and "woah,oh, oh's" (also used to brilliant effect in "Crazy in Love")put it in the pantheon.

Congrats Beyonce. You're officially our generation's Tina Turner and that's no easy feat.

PS: While I don't own any Beyonce albums (I imagine there's a lot of filler) there is no way that her greatest hits record is not going to be a five star perfect, all-time top album, like Immaculate Collection good. Think about it, "Crazy in Love", "Ring the Alarm", "Deja Vu","Baby Boy", "If I Were a Boy" "Irreplaceable" and "Single Ladies." Shit!

It's like ripping up emancipation papers for an early Christmas present.

2008-11-18T09:04:00.000-08:00

I'm guessing this will not be the majority opinion today, but I really liked Gossip Girl last night. I found it sweet natured and, dare I say it, nice. On a show that's usually so mean spirited and cold, it's kind of comforting when everything ends up working out in the end. I don't want it to happen too often, but as a change of pace every once in a while, I'm on board.

Let's get into it.

-Oh Vanessa. Poor, naive Vanessa. Her description of her Thanksgiving pre-Humdrum Humphrey invite was nauseating. This is paraphrased, but apparently she was not going to spend it with her parents who were staging a vague protest, but rather she was going to go "to her studio" Ugh! "rent Berlin Alexanderplatz" Super Ugh! and "have an Amy's organic" dinner Ugh to the ugh ugh. I rewound it just to hear it twice. Everything about it was annoying. Here's the thing though - I totally bought it. What else would a pretentious 17 year old "artiste" do on Thanksgiving?

-Dorota's fast becoming my favorite character. Her ringtone for Eleanor - "I"m a Slave For You." Priceless stuff.

-Line of the night, as ush, goes to Blair for her disdain at the Rose's daring to take her shopping...at Century 21. I cackled.

(PS: I really need to start writing things down when I watch so I can stop paraphrasing - I did it once, but now I keep forgetting. Sorry)

-I loved how the FBI agent, Vanessa and Chuck had to literally spell everything out for poor, stupid Nate. Or at least I though of him as poor, stupid Nate until Mara said, and I agreed, I don't know what's going on either.

-Aaron is so fucking horrible that I am officially starting to like Dan. Like, actually like him. To the point where I was totally on his side last night. I don't want to like Dan. Please, get rid of Aaron.

-Side bar - I know everyone is pretty convinced that Bart is dying and he probably is, but does anyone want to start a write-in campaign suggesting they rewrite it and make it Aaron?

-Mara hated the episode last night and I kept getting mad at her throughout. Great example is when Nate was delivering his speech to the Captain she was sighing and complaining and I paused it and said "stop, I am trying to have an emotional moment." I'm a fag.

-Another was when she was trying to make sense of the whole Captain kidnapping Nate and his mom. Mara: "Why would her parents pay him off when they won't even give them money now?" Me: "It's fucking Gossip Girl!" She's probably right.

-Everybody hates Lil' J and last night, I certainly called her bad names, but let me submit this - at least she brings drama. Real drama. Let's see, emancipation from parents vs. an idiotic scrufftastic boy learning about your "sordid" past...I'll take the former every time.

-Blair loves holidays...all of them and they never seem to be going her way, but then they do!

-Also, Aaron FUCK OFF! Why can't Serena drink if she wants to. Drinking is fun, you asshole. Does anybody like this guy? Here's how that went down for realz..."So Serena here's the thing I'll stop fucking other girls, but the only way I'll do that is if you stop drinking. I really need you to take care of me." It was blackmail, essentially. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

-I love Vanessa stealing the letter at the end. For all the sweetness and light in the show prior to that, it was the quintessential bitchy Gossip Girl moment.

-Memo to the writers: A Pixies box set doesn't exist. Therefore Rufus cannot own it and one step further, since it's imaginary he could not have lent it to Nate.

-Lily is so totally in love with Rufus, though her secret name for him in her cell phone is "R" which doesn't really cover her ass.

-Lily was institutionalized. Big effin deal. I thought those were going to be sex pics.

-How inappropriate was Serena's Thanksgiving dress? Very. But it was still awesome.

-I spent a lot of time trying to figure out Chuck's mothers age. 8/7/69! She wouldn't even be forty. Really? You expect me to believe that she had Chuck at 21? Come on. That was the most unbelievable thing in the show's history.

Alright, I'm spent. I'm grading this one on a curve. I understand the complaints, but I really liked it. Mara actually said it was the worst Gossip Girl ever. I imagine a lot of people would echo that sentiment, which means if she gives it an F and I give in A, I should meet in the middle with a C, but this is my recap and I liked it so...

Final Grade: B

Because I just need it once more, to complete the circle

2008-11-17T10:18:00.000-08:00

You may have noticed that I haven't really written about True Blood much lately. Why? Because I've actually liked it for the past few weeks and in my world if you don't have anything bad to say, you probably shouldn't say anything. Where's the fun in that.

But last night? It was bad! Real bad. So, congratulations, True Blood - you're back exactly how I like you...terrible.

You can trace True Blood's slow ascent and quick demise to the arrival (and subsequent killing) of Stephen Root and Lizzy Caplan; or the only two characters on this show that have ever been even remotely interesting.

First, Root's Eddie was the best thing on the show period. He was complex and likable and provided, for just a few moments, some heart in an otherwise freezing cold show. Root's performance was a revelation and makes me hope there is some more dramatic work in his immediate future.

Second, Caplan's Amy. I know, you hate her. Guess what? You're supposed to! To the contrary, you probably also hate Sam and Tara and them you're supposed to like. Unlike pretty much everything else on this show, Amy was intriguing. Why was she at Fangtasia to begin with? and why Jason of all people? Was she really going to quit "V" for Jason, or was she just a sociopath? There were a million possible story threads here infinitely more interesting than Sam as a dog or anything involving Sookie including "the murderer" subplot that's supposedly "driving" the show.

The show really went off the rails last night and there's only one more episode left in the season! The stuff with Bill and Jessica, the Christian girl he "made" into a vampire, was brutal. It was like the worst sitcom ever. Plus, it was devoid of any real emotion - this was supposed to be the hardest thing Bill has ever had to do in his vampire life and it was treated like a throw away moment. Very poorly done.

"Are you looking in my head" "No, I'm looking in your heart" Oh god. Really. There's your True Blood quote of the week, my friends. Pretty much quote of the year. Sums up the horrible hack dialogue that has plagued the show since the first episode.

Faux-nicio Del Toro is the killer. Who cares?

Credit where credit's due - I still don't hate Jason.

Still hate Tara, Tara's mother, Sam, Lafayette, Bill and Sookie though so...

If I were Tara and my mother were refusing to let me come home after I'd put up with all her shit for so long, I would have looked her right in the eye and told her to take a drive to the pharmacy where that fake exorcist works, look for the lady in the ridiculous wig and rip it off and then see if you're still not drinking. Here's the thing, Tara would have done the same thing. Tara's awful. Yet, suddenly she's developed a conscience. Please. Alan Ball knows nothing of consistency.

I liked the way the guy in the diner pronounced the word "vampires"

I guess I'm supposed to be intrigued by this new lady. I'm not...

Thank goodness there's only one episode left.

Is it time for Big Love yet?

I feel guilty that a part of me wants this to be real.

2008-11-12T14:25:00.001-08:00

So, this is a National Enquirer picture that is, apparently, Cindy McCain kissing a dude at a Moody Blues show - A dude who is clearly not her husband, Senator John McCain.

Now, this is the National Enquirer so take this grainy snapshot with some measure of skepticism, but holy shit! If this is, in fact, Mrs. McCain - which it probably isn't, but if it is, this is funny on so many levels - not the least of which being that it was taken at a Moody Blues concert.

I'm skeptical in that I don't think Cindy McCain would run around willy nilly kissing middle aged dudes with ponytails at a rock show. However, the pic was taken in Tempe, Arizona and couple that with the fact that a McCain spokesperson declined to comment and we may just have a mini scandal on our hands folks.

Remember that story about people overhearing John McCain calling Cindy a "C"? Well, he may just be getting his comeuppance.

And to think there's is purported to be the "family values" party.

A woman I hated on my walk home from the train

2008-11-12T11:29:00.000-08:00

My walk from the train to my apartment is pretty long - it takes somewhere between 20 and 25 minutes. On that walk I often come across people I immediately decide to hate...here's one.

I was walking behind a woman who was talking to a friend on her cell phone, loudly, which is annoying but I'm not as perturbed by that as some. Here's why I hated her - all I heard of her conversation was "I told Sam Champion about it. I emailed him today at work. Ha! Ha! Ha!" and then she repeated it again for the benefit of those who may not have heard her.

Now, this is annoying for both of the possible meanings it could have.

The first, of course, is that this woman actually works with weatherman Sam Champion and wanted people to know that she can have an email correspondence with him at work. This is stupid because, honestly, no one cares about Sam Champion, but it's also quite possible. This is certainly worthy of hate, but it's the other possible reason this woman may have had to make this statement that is actually even worse...

This woman was making a joke about the weather.

It's starting to get cold and this makes some people unhappy. My guess is this woman was having a discussion with a friend of hers about how the change in the weather is displeasing to them, so she was essentially saying, "don't worry I took care of it, I emailed Sam Champion."

Ugh.

It's such a bad joke.

I can't believe that it's worse than dropping Sam Champion's name to try and impress passersby.

Either way, this lady sucked. And I hate her.

Because it's a lot like burning your dresses in a metal garbage can, you know, like a hobo

2008-11-11T11:01:00.001-08:00

Oh, Gossip Girl - so good and so bad in just one episode.

Before I even can get started I must thank the GG gods for the casting of Wallace Shawn as Eleanor Waldorf's new man, Cyrus. He's hysterical and it looks like he's going to be around a while, so kudos to Josh Schwarz and staff for bringing in what will certainly be the best part of every episode he's in.

NOT ENOUGH!

I can't say enough about Lieghton Meester's reaction shots. She's the new Bea Arthur, I swear. So often she needs to say absolutely nothing and I still loose it.

Remember when Neli Yuki was brought in by B with the express purpose to...well I don't really remember. Mara and I thought it had something to do with SATs, but i'm positive it was nefarious and now she's part of the clique? Alright.

I hate everything about Aaron. He's Dan Humohrey times ten. He could not possibly be worse. First of all, the maps thing - ridiculous. And someone like Serena Van Der Woodson would not fall for that, any other seventeen year old girl - absolutely, but S is supposed to be sophisticated, right?

Ugh and how creepy was the room with the white sheets and the video of Serena. He's so slimy.

I hate him.

Let's turn to my roommate and friend, Mara Lander, and see what she thinks about the new Serena/Aaron romance (this is taken directly from an email I received this morning. It begins referencing Serena) Really? You’re a free spirit because you wore your beautiful pajamas that are basically a dress to the park? This makes you a hippie? And you’re 17 and casually dating and have a successful art career? Right? We’re supposed to assume that whatever his name is mustache guy is the same age as serena. They went to camp together. And you had a solo show in a happening Bedford gallery and are casually dating your models at age 17. really?

I desperately want Agnes to go away, but strangely not as much as Aaron.

Chuck stuff was blah. I don't need Chuck's daddy issues.

The Dan stuff - super lame. Did you for one second actually think he was going to go through with writing the story? He's a big pussy, just like his father - the worst parent in the world.

Jenny's turn for the worse has been way abrupt.

No Vanessa and no Nate. I miss them when they're not around. It just goes to show what too much S and Lonely Boy can do to make otherwise lame characters missable.

You know what I want? More Hazel! Her delivery on "beggars can't be choosers" as referenced to the weird bus boy with the Flash Gordon hair was kind of Blair-y. In a really good way.

Remember when Lil' J stripped to bra a few weeks back in order to have pictures taken of her by Agnes' pervy boyfriend? Yeah, that guy isn't as creepy as Aaron. (I'm really all over the place with this, but just when I think I'm done with Aaron stuff something else pops in my head and I'm right back at it)

"I am Grace Kelly. Grace Kelly is me."

Dorota meeting Cyndi Lauper was absolute magic. Also pointed out by my roommate and wholly agreed upon from me - it was weird having Cyndi Lauper come to play Blair's party and then never having us see it happen.

I was really glad when Serena said "Thanks for the condescending lecture" to that dickhead Aaron because it was exactly what I was thinking except I would have said something more along the lines of - "alright, fuck off."

Alright, well I think that's it. Pretty weak episode, I'd say especially in comparison to the last two. Scenes for next week look good what with the return of The Captain, so hopefully we'll have less Aaron though that, unfortunately, seems unlikely.

Final Rating: C

Really Quick

2008-11-06T12:40:00.001-08:00

And I'm sure everyone will disagree with me on this, but the scene where Lil' J and Agnes crash Lily and Bart's society party and put on the impromptu fashion show is, up to this point, the single greatest moment in Gossip Girl history.

Mostly because of the cover of "Sheena is a Punk Rocker" by Jemina Pearl, formerly of Be Your Own Pet, and Thurston Moore.

It was awesome. It captured the spirit of the show in all it's debaucherous glory.

I really loved it.

The CW took the video down, I wanted to embed it. If you haven't seen it, really try. Lil' J is awesome.

Apologies...Apologies All

2008-11-05T21:40:00.000-08:00

I've been super busy and unable to write. Gossip Girl was great and all is right with the world as I REALLY hate Dan Humphrey, Lil' J however, might be my favorite character at this moment.

Sorry ya'll

I've got Drive-By Truckers and the Hold Steady on Friday night - should be the greatest show of all time despite Terminal 5.

Be back next week...

I can't believe he named his record Cardinology.

2008-10-30T09:00:00.000-07:00

Since the release of Heartbreaker in 2000, I have consistently purchased each and every Ryan Adams record. Some people think this is crazy. How could I stay with this guy? He puts out too many records and said records are wildly inconsistent, some bordering on straight up horrible. This I can't deny, but when Ryan Adams and I met on that cool fall day in September of 2000 when I purchased Heartbreaker, (the meeting here is metaphorical) a turbulent relationship began and I can't walk away. In many ways I'm like an abused spouse constantly making excuses for him or defending him to those who look only to bash.

The hardest thing about being a Ryan Adams fan is the man himself. He doesn't make it easy. I've heard sobriety has mellowed him, but let's face it, for a long time - dude was a dickhead AND his records were so uneven AND he was releasing so many of them - It was a tough time. I will insist, however, that on each and every one of those records, save 29 which is an absolute disaster, there were a few classics that sometimes seemed to make the purchase worth while. While I'm on this topic, I'll also say that his most maligned record, 2003's Rock 'n Roll, happens to be one of my favorites of his so maybe I'm the wrong guy to talk to when it comes to ole RA.

Think about it though, Demolition has "Dear Chicago", Jacksonville City Nights has "Hard Way to Fall", Love is Hell has "This House is Not for Sale" and "English Girls Approximately" Easy Tiger, which most people were pretty positive about, has "Goodnight Rose"...there's always something. This isn't even mentioning Cold Roses which is obviously bloated as a double album, but cut out the filler, make one record and you've got a classic.

I guess that's always been the knock on Ryan though. If he released nothing but EPs. he'd be great. Not every song he writes needs to be on the record. And I guess that's true, but I kind of like that the records are flawed. And not in a "well, I'll just delete the undesired songs from my itunes and make that perfect ep for my ipod" type of way. No, I like to listen to Ryan Adams records as whole statements because it seems like nobody makes them like him anymore (though this last Jenny Lewis record has come pretty damn close).

Most artists are content to put out a record they know only has four of five good songs. It's all they need in this day and age of digital downloads. Or they're the exact opposite and they're so concerned with making a perfect record which sometimes happens and when it does (the last two Okkervil River records, The Hold Steady catalog, Dear Science) it's great, but more often than not it doesn't and it comes off pretentious.

Ryan Adams doesn't concern himself with all that. My man has feelings and needs to express them whether you like it or not. Ryan Adams records are like puzzles - piece together Ryan's psyche or how he's feeling this season. Sure, it's self indulgent, but he's also one of the few remaining rock stars and that's pretty great.

Having said all this Ryan Adams released his latest record, the unfortunately titled Cardinology, this week and for every critic saying Ryan's in top form and this is a return to his roots - don't believe the hype. First of all, what are his roots really? Has he ever really strayed to far from them? Even his biggest departure, Rock 'n Roll, sounded like a Ryan Adams record. Sure, it sounded like the Replacements aping Ryan Adams, but it was still Ryan Adams. Second, Cardinology has about five classics, a few decent songs and the rest is filler. It's a Ryan Adams record after all and I kind of take comfort in that.

There's no point in reviewing it. You're either with the guy or you're not. As for me, I'll take a "Cobwebs" if it means I can have a "Crossed Out Name"or "Fix It" virtually any time.

Breaking up is hard to do...seriously...really hard

2008-10-29T12:05:00.000-07:00

It’s no big secret that I love television. I love it a lot. Probably more than anyone should. I mean TV’s bad for you, right?

Either way. Last night I had a serious discussion with my DVR who was getting a little bit annoyed with me. You see, I was almost at capacity, which is crazy I know, but I was and I had to make some difficult decisions last night.

It all started with Mad Men. I really like Mad Men. I own the first season on DVD and am making my way through it. It’s slow going though because I’m not really home that much. When the second season started this summer I decided I would DVR all the new ones and watch them when I made it through season 1. Season 2 just ended and it never happened. So, last night I divorced myself from Mad Men Season 2. I erased it all. I figure by the time I actually finish season 1, the season 2 DVD will be out and I can just do it that way.

Clearing Season 2 of Mad Men off the DVR wasn’t even the toughest decision I made last night, either. It hasn’t been an easy TV season for me. See, I watch a lot of sports and a lot of pro wrestling which makes it very hard to keep up with episodic television which hurts and now with Inside the NBA returning - forget it.

So, I broke up with Fringe after the pilot. I like the pilot fine, but not enough to give it the “Save Until Manually Erased” option on the DVR. Which meant, sorry Fringe you’re out. I didn’t even go on one date with Privileged, which I am sad about as I think I would have really liked it in a very Gilmore Girls-y way, which is to say a lot.

Then there are shows that regardless how bad they are I still stick with. We all know how I feel about True Blood, but even worse is Heroes. Heroes has gotten so bad and yet I can’t stop watching it. My devotion to these shows forced me to divorce some shows last night and I am not all that happy about it.

-Greek. I deleted about five back episodes of Greek, but left last nights finale because I’ll probably still watch it. Unlike a lot of shows Greek’s “previously on” catches you up pretty quick. I never expected to like Greek as much as I do, but it’s charming and the characters are likable and nice, unlike Gossip Girl and 90210 - both of which I’m still devout, which maybe says something about me. I figure, I can catch up on Greek in some marathon form at some point or another so…

-Sons of Anarchy – This decision was actually made a few weeks ago, but it’s still stinging. I loved the pilot and even got around to the second episode. Then all of a sudden I blinked and there were four backed up on the DVR. I will watch this on DVD because I think FX does some of the best shows and I loved watching Katey Segal play evil. She’ll probably win an Emmy.

-Dirty Sexy Money - I didn't watch last season, but was intrigued enough to try and give it a whirl this season. I never did. Byezees.

-Pushing Daisies. Yep. This one was tough, but I looked and saw three back episodes not to mention the one that’s premiering tonight and thought “absolutely no way I go back and watch these.” I loved the first season. I was really excited it was coming back and now if it gets canceled (which is likely) it will be my fault. That brings me to another point, if the network is going to cancel something I need to get out. I get too hurt. I am still bent out of shape about the CW canceling Veronica Mars.

-Chuck. This one was actually the most difficult show to break up with. I really like Chuck, but in the end I feel like I can come and go with it. I get it, you know? I don’t need to see every single Chuck. Right? In all honesty I deleted all of these shows in an effort to keep all the Mad Men and then in a quick burst of action just erased all the Mad Men. In retrospect I could have kept the Chuck’s and I’m kind of mad I didn’t. I know, I can watch them online, but I won’t. I hate that.

Like a Bass out of hell

2008-10-29T09:56:00.000-07:00

I didn't write about Gossip Girl this week. Not because it wasn't good, it was fine, but because I just didn't have time and then when I did it was too late. Everything had been said.

Having said that, though... Really? Lil' J gets a drastic new look and they barely touch on it. Oh, just another day in the Humphrey house I guess. I can't wait until Jenny ends up a cokehead. It has to happen, right?

Oh! And Agnes? That's such a writer name for a model. The next one will be named Sophie.

I also hate Aaron - he makes Dan look good. Dan, who, after last week's "almost-did-it" attempt to make me like him, I still hate. I love how the GG writers gave Aaron as many hipster accoutrements as possible. Big Ole' glasses - check. Urban Outfitter Scarf - check. Ironic moustache - almost check. He is to hip-sters what Vanessa is to hip-pies. Apparently any character that can best be described with a "hip" prefix is destined to wear a lot of accessories on this show.

Does anyone else find it weird that these high school kids manage to "go and have a drink" and then actually go to a bar, sit AT THE BAR and have a drink? I guess it's all about suspension of disbelief, but I went to a private high school in Manhattan and when I was 16, and this is a true story, I was turned away from seeing Jerry Maguire at the movie theater on 86th and Lex because it was rated R. Swear to god!

Lastly, even I found it weird to watch Lil' J dancing around in her bra. She was very awkward and clearly uncomfortable.

That's it.

the episode was fine. Not as good as last week. B.

Because draining Stephen Root's blood just seems mean.

2008-10-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

Here’s a weird twist – I actually didn’t hate True Blood last night.

Relax, I still can’t stomach Tara and all of her rage and I’m slowly starting to think Sam is probably the worst character currently on a television show I watch regularly (which is saying a lot because I watch Heroes, which has Mohinder Suresh, Maya and Matt Parkman and Gossip Girl which has Serena Van Der Woodson and Rufus Humphrey), but for some reason, I wasn’t filled with rage at the conclusion of last night’s episode.

Yes, I still wince a bit every time Alan Ball forces Lizzy Caplan and Anna Paquin to show their boobs for absolutely no reason whatsoever – not that I’m complaining their boobs are great - but it just seems a bit much at times and yes, Bill’s line reads are still unintentionally hilarious, but something about last night resonated a bit and I think I know what it is…

Jason.

Unbelievable, I know but I really enjoyed Jason Stackhouse last night and think I may have been a bit hard on Ryan Kwanten (that’s the actor’s name. I just looked it up) with regards to his acting. I found him oddly affecting last night and his scenes with Lizzy Caplan were almost sweet.

I’m pretty sure the episode wasn’t as terrible as usual because it wasn’t as heavy handed. They really let the characters tell their own story through contemplative moments rather than beating me over the head with their “message”. They weren’t pushing. It felt relaxed, like it’s starting to fit.

Like when fake Benicio Del Toro proposed to the red headed waitress outside the truck. I fully expected a vampire to come out and kill one, or both of them. But, that didn’t happen. It was just a nice moment that was allowed to breathe. I was on board with it.

Tara’s mom is still really bad though.

Stephen Root was also great. Finally a vampire besides Bill we can like. I really find this character interesting. He’s not a sex pervert or evil like most of the other vamps. He’s just a lonely guy looking for someone to love him. I’m actually quite interested to see where this storyline goes.

Shit! am I starting to like True Blood? I really don’t want to. Not at all.

The best part of the night, however belongs to Adrienne. She had some real problems with Bill emerging from the ground all dirty and immediately having sex with Sookie. She was so concerned about how dirty Bill was and how that would affect Sookie’s intimate parts. She couldn’t let it go and therefore the True Blood quote of the week does not go to any of the characters on the show, but rather to Adrienne who said

“Alright, fine! Good luck not getting a UTI”

Oh and before I forget, the detective calling the nudist colony was pretty great and his brother is Zach from Gilmore Girls which I can support because he’s pretty great as well.

All in all the episode rates a B, which is really high. God, I hope it sucks again next week, it will make life so much easier.

CMJ Nights 1 and 2

2008-10-22T19:13:00.000-07:00

So, I managed to get a press pass for the CMJ festival. If you’re unfamiliar, the CMJ festival is a music festival which takes place in New York for five nights. Hundreds of bands come and play in dozens of small clubs throughout the city. And I have a press pass! Which means I can go to any show I want, more or less, for free!

Awesome!

Actually, not so much.

The CMJ Festival was tailor made for me and a few short years ago, this press pass would have been the greatest prize in all the world. I would have gone to every single show I could, stayed up well past 2-3 in the morning, had a hundred beers and would still get up the next morning for work and another night of doing it all over again.

I haven’t gone yet and it’s night two. I’m not going tonight. What did I do instead? I came home popped open a can of PBR, heated up a smart one and am watching the World Series, which is easy because I have no rooting interest.

I can sit here and just enjoy some well played baseball without resorting to becoming a crazy person because David Wright struck out with men in scoring position.

What’s happening? I’m going to attempt to figure that one out.

1.) For starters I find it overwhelming. There’s so much going on and even with the press pass you may not get into a show due to venue capacities and that’s annoying.

2.) It’s expensive. Sure the passes make getting into the show free, but once you’re in the venue you’re susceptible to over-priced watered down drinks. Now, I know what you’re saying mom, “Patrick, you can go to a show and not drink.” “Oh yeah. Really? Impossible.”

3.) Hipsters. ‘nuff said.

4.) It’s hard for me to commit to see bands I’ve never heard of. I used to relish discovering new bands – it was great. Now, I want to know some songs and if not there had better at least be some buzz. Last year, Bon Iver managed to set in motion his selling out Town Hall for two nights thanks to some killer, much buzzed-about CMJ performances. People were talking about them before they happened. I haven’t heard boo about any of these bands.

5.) I live in Astoria. The Lower East Side is basically the farthest place away in the world, so if I leave at 2am, the earliest I’m getting home is 3.

6.) I’m getting old. I’m 28. I’m still pretty young and I will go out on a Tuesday or a Thursday until real late, drink a whole mess of beers - no problem. But that’s one night. Not five. I can’t swing five anymore.

You know what though, It’s actually not that bad. And even if I don’t see one CMJ show, I got a really nice CMJ tote bag. It’s big and it says CMJ on it, so it looks like I went. Which means I’m still pretty cool.

Hey you guys, Sarah Palin hates women.

2008-10-22T16:09:00.000-07:00

This is kind of rough, even for me. But, it's also pretty true...

Let the blacklash begin!

2008-10-22T10:08:00.000-07:00

So, last year Of Montreal released a stone-cold classic record called Hissing Fauna, Are You the Destroyer? as well as a pretty brilliant companion EP, Icons, Abstract Thee. The indie rock world rejoiced. Of Montreal were officially forgiven for "Let's go Outback tonight" and indie rock arbiters pitchfork loved the record so much that not only did they rate it an 8.7, they named it the fifth best record of 2007. You know what that means, right? There must be backlash. Their new record, Skeletal Lamping, rated a paltry 5.9 on the pitchfork scale. This coming after weeks of positive buzz and the release of the fantastic single "Id Engager." I haven't heard the record, these days I'm a bit too poor to buy records and I tend to frown on illegal downloads, but I'll guarantee you it's not a 5.9. I'm positive. Indie music critics are the worst. They build bands up just to tear them down. It's kind of sad.

Because I want to hear you say those three words. You know eight letters, three syllables?

2008-10-21T15:21:00.000-07:00

Wow. Gossip Girl was so effing good last night! Like, it may have been the best Gossip Girl ever! They really put it together last night. Everyone was represented in some form or another, it wasn't any-particular-character-heavy or light for that matter. It was, truly, just right. Here are some observations.

-I’m coming to think maybe a Serena-less Dan Humphrey isn’t an aberration. I actually liked him last night. Well I shouldn’t go that far. I like the scene when he called Nate on the phone to prove to Jenny and Rufus that he has guy friends. Line of the night – “Love it!” I did kind of hate him at the end and thought Nate was totally in the right when he told Dan he wasn’t his charity case. Mind your business, humdrum Humphrey.

-I'm going to completely gloss over the entire Dangerous Liasons plot line. Not that I didn't love it, it just doesn't need to be talked about.

-Lil’ J didn’t seem so much like a deer in the headlights with regards to acting last night, which was refreshing (though scenes from next week look pretty bad).

-I only complained once last night and to my embarrassment that complaint was “Chuck just isn’t being sexy enough.” He wasn't, it was all squnits.

-Blair had a relatively weak show, not in terms of strength of Blair’s scenes, but just Blair. She seemed weak, which a lot of people will complain about. Me on the other hand – as much as I love bitchy Blair, I kind of love vulnerable Blair too. It also makes you realize that Holy Shit Leighton Meester’s an actual actress.

-Serena was annoying. The youzh. I’m not the first person to acknowledge this blogily (It was in the New York Magazine recap this morning) but I noticed it to so it’s worth mentioning. When Serena showed up at the Bass-Van Der Woodson family party in that dress with no top, I totes expected Bart to punch her in the face. Instead he said “you look nice.” Unbelievable.

-It was really funny how Nate just happened to leave the House Seizure notices in the front of his house while simultaneously trying to pretend that everything was okay. Normally, I would call bullshit on this, but it’s Nate and I totally believe he’s that stupid.

-Did anyone notice how long it took for the hot dog guy to give Nate his drink? Enough time for Dan to give Lil’ J the entire story about Nate being almost a hobo. That’s a long time.

-I always really like Lily, put they really made her a monster last night, no? I wasn’t a fan. She can be imperfect without having to be a completely negligent mother.

-I can’t get a beat on Eric. I mean, I like the idea of the character, but that actor is such a classically trained annoying kid actor, which doesn’t work for something as bubblegum as Gossip Girl. It rings so false. You’re not doing Shakespeare kid. Relax.

-How about that magical negro? He’s gonna save Chuck!

-No high school kid cares about the overtaking of real estate. None.

-I think there needs to be a definition for "the Vanessa face". I mean it's always so pouty and judgy. Discuss.

-That last scene with Blair and Chuck was super hot. It made me feel dirty.

The episode rates an A+

First BYOP, now this!

2008-10-21T10:21:00.000-07:00

Earlier this week a band I really love announced they were calling it quits. Throughout their very short tenure, Sheffield, England’s The Long Blondes released a handful of stellar singles and two full length records on indie stalwart Rough Trade.

Today, those singles have been collected on a compilation called, well, Singles.

It’s the definitive Long Blondes disc. You should buy it. It’s great and if you’ve been a fan of this band, the news of their demise will surely be met with sadness. Especially, if, like me, you never got a chance to see them live. I had tickets to their co-headlining tour with the Gossip, but then Rick Rubin made the Gossip cancel that tour. Just another reason to hate Rick Rubin, you guys!

The Long Blondes have not broken up because of creative differences or because the band members hated each other – nothing salacious at all. The Long Blondes have “called it a day” because four months ago guitarist Dorian Cox suffered a stroke and may never be able to play again.

It’s sad, for sure, but the music will continue to exist and hopefully people will continue to discover the Blondes. A lot of fans of those early 7”s were put off by their debut full length, Someone to Drive You Home because it was a bit more polished. I never subscribed to that. I love that record. I think it’s a from top to bottom classic and can’t recommend it enough. It’s mix of girl group melodies and punk rock swagger was immediately catchy for sure, but the record resonated for me to the point where I still go back to it quite often.

Their next record, Couples, was a real revelation. It sounded different. The immediacy the Blondes portrayed on Someone…, while still a factor took a backseat to more challenging material - an unexpected sonic palette that relied less on pop-punk’s sheen and more on post punk’s artsy pretentions. But in a good way. Some were put off, but for the most part fans welcomed the new direction of the band. It was a direction that suggested we may never know where the Blondes would go next.

Unfortunately, now we never will. They will have to live on in just two great records and a perfect singles collection. I’m not sure how many people fell in love with this band the same way I did, but I hope that some still may.

Because I got a demon inside me, that's why.

2008-10-20T09:53:00.000-07:00

I’m really starting to enjoy writing about True Blood. I don’t enjoy watching True Blood nearly as much, but I have to say the unintended camp factor is starting to get me. Don’t get me wrong, I hate True Blood…fully and absolutely, but it has become a case of “the show I love to hate.”

Maybe it’s pompous of me, maybe I’m being condescending but really I don’t care. True Blood makes me feel better about myself. It makes me feel smart. So thank you Alan Ball for creating a show so devoid of intelligence and honest emotion, a show chock full of characters so vapid and loathsome that they make Nate Archibald look like Lou Grant. Oh thank you, Alan Ball, thank you so much.

Now on to the nonsense - I submit to you the scene wherein Tara’s demon infested mother attempts to get a bank loan to fund her exorcism as perhaps one of the worst scenes in recent television memory (is that real – recent television memory? Whatevs) I can’t really get into it if you haven’t seen it, but it had all the hallmarks of awful True Blood moments – overwrought, poorly acted, stinking of faux-righteousness. I can’t shake it. I’m pretty sure that whenever I think about True Blood from here on out, I will think of that scene. - a scene that has nothing to do with vampires.

Speaking of vampires, every time Bill comes on screen I say “Sookie” with that same breathy delivery much to the chagrin, I’m sure, of Adrienne, who I think still kind of likes the show.

In case her mentioning it around 1,000 times in last night’s episode wasn’t enough – Tara’s mom has "a demon inside her".

I fell asleep during the exorcism. Literally. There was an exorcism on a television show and it was so boring that I fell asleep during it.

Apparently Tara’s living with "a demon inside her" as well. Maybe that’s true but the real demon is whoever dresses that poor actress. She always looks pregnant. I honestly cannot tell if she’s pretty or not.

You know who is pretty though? Lizzy Caplan (and she bears a strong resemblance to the WWE wrestler Melina – google image it) and I already feel bad for her. I shit you not, she doesn’t have ten minutes of screen time before Alan Ball gets her topless and on top of that no-talent actor who plays Jason.

I’m going to be getting on a soapbox here for a minute. I apologize in advance...

There’s no question that the vampires on True Blood are unsubtle stand-ins for gay people. I know I’ve talked about this before, but it’s really starting to rub me the wrong way. How are gay people not utterly offended by this show? How has GLAAD not put out a statement urging gay people all over the country to boycott this show. Let me put this in perspective – the vampires on True Blood are unrepentant sexual deviants who use mind control and other underhanded tricks to capture humans, drink their blood and keep them around as slaves of sorts until they’ve run out of use for them at which time the vampires just kill these people. Defenders of this show will probably point towards Bill to make their point that the show is not homophobic. To which I will reply, one semi-decent character doesn’t cut it when every single other vampire on the show is utterly and inarguably evil. Wasn't this show supposed to open our eyes to our ignorance regarding homosexuals in this country. Weren't we supposed to be rooting for the vampires? When those rednecks threw all the Molotov cocktails into the vamp nest last night, I kind of cheered. I mean, the vampires on this show are really bad.

Oh and in case the metaphorical gays weren’t bad enough, the one actual gay person is a drug dealing asshole who videotapes himself dancing in a gold thong and then presumably sells the tapes or puts them on the internet.

Is this how the openly gay Alan Ball views himself and other gay people? If so, this dude needs therapy.

What else? What else? What else? Oh Sam was running in a field naked. Because he’s that dog. Everyone knows. Reveal it already.

Sookie's uncle molested her and this reveal gets the award for True Blood quote of the week:

(paraphrased as I didn't actually write it down)

Bill: "What did he do?"
Sookie: "Just touching, not as bad as some girls got."

Runner-up: Tara to Sam regarding her relationships

Tara: "Maybe I'm just unboyfriendable."

I suspect it's those matronly tops, Tara. Nothing more.