Because...well, because it's the MOTHAFUCKING season premiere MOTHAFUCKAHS

Fall is here and I, for one, could not be happier. The air will get crisp, I will talk about wanting to go apple picking and then never go apple picking and of course that means the return of Gossip Girl - the single greatest television show in the history of time and space.

-Welcome back everyone, I missed you all so much. Oh wait, no I didn't. I totally forgot. I didn't miss Rufus because I hate him. He's the worst. And I didn't miss Dan. Well that's not entirely true I kind of, sort of missed Dan. He's growing on me. But I, for sure didn't miss Serena. I missed the way her boobs looked in flowy dresses but I can see them in those fake tabloid pictures I'm sure. I wish she would have stayed in whatever foreign country(ies) she was in (I tend to not pay close attention to Serena storylines).

-This premiere episode felt like a lot of set-up for me. It wasn't bad (it can never be bad) it just wasn't particularly memorable.

-Vanessa's hair gained weight.

-You see this is why Rufus is so stupid - if a teenager approaches you anywhere and tells you that he/she is just a really big fan of your stupid band, know this - HE'S LYING! Just a good rule of thumb, ok? Great.

-CONCERN ALERT: Blair and Chuck are less fun when they're together. I know we think we want it, but we don't.

-RUNAWAY BRIDE!

-Alright Vanessa. Enough. If someone gave you a limo to drive around in all day, like you wouldn't? You could take it Ricky's and buy earrings. (Do they even sell earrings at Ricky's?)

-Jenny and Eric are the new Will and Grace. No they're not.

-If you were Jenny Humphrey's father (In this case, Rufus) would you let her walk around looking like that? I know you'd like to think you'd be progressive and all "I just want my daughter to be able to express herself" but you wouldn't. It's not even that she looks slutty it's that she looks she's just been busy finishing up all this heroin. Add to the fact that I'm now starting to think she's the hottest one on the show and you've got yourself a problem on your hands, fella (in this case Rufus).

-This long, lost son storyline is just going to serve to mean more Rufus, so I'm against it.

-I have to talk about Carter Baizen right? Ok. Done.

-Blair's most memorable line of the night came early when she told that girl she had "American Girl hair" which is a problem because, truth is, it's not that great of a line. It's good, yes, but it's not up to Waldorf standards.

-Chuck's military jacket thing? Yes.

-Nate Archibald? No.

-Seriously, Nate is really dumb.

-Glad to see Joanna Garcia, late of Privileged, in the mix here. She might make me not want to fast forward through the Nate bits.

-They don't check ID's at polo matches.

-Vanessa's new bf/Dan and Serena's half brother wears khakis. Khakis are stupid. No one should wear them. Unless that person is someone's dad. But even then...

- I like Nate's nefarious grandfather.

-Chuck made a Jules et Jim reference which baffles me on two levels. The first being - who do they think watches this show? I guess more people who would get a Jules et Jim reference than I would expect (and let me just say this, I'm not being all hoity toity like oh I totally get it, I only get it because I had to watch that movie in college and you know what? It sucks. It's boring. I'd much rather watch Point Break. RIP Bodhi. You're missed!) And second for the small minority who do get it, do you expect us to believe, based on the character you've created, that Nate would get it? But you do. You want us to believe that that dummy gets a Jules et Jim reference and he's not even in college! Come on. At least have Chuck make that reference to Vanessa. She's a pretentious snob.

-Thanks.

Ok, here's the thing-the episode was fine. Nothing earth shattering, but fine. It looks like we're back to form next week with appearances from Doroda as well as one of my favorites - Georgina Sparks. Until then this episode is a B.