Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Because Dan's right, there are no headbands in college.

Well, like most shows that take their high schoolers to college, Gossip Girl is really testing out those growing pains. Last night's episode was entertaining to watch, but when I sit down and think about it, it's officially a marked drop off from the previous seasons and, truth be told, I'm a little worried. Alright, let's get into it.

-Carter Baizen. No thanks. Go away. Remember Aaron Rose? Yeah. Carter's not that bad, but in the Serena Van Der Woodsen relationship spectrum he falls somewhere in between the horror of Aaron Rose and the sometimes likability of Dan Humphrey.

-I think maybe I'm in the minority, but I don't care about Serena at all. I care about Serena less than I cared about Marissa Cooper and let me tell you I did not care about Marissa Cooper.

-There's no way this current Serena storyline can be satisfying for me as a viewer. I don't care when she's good and I totally don't buy it when she's bad. She's only interesting when she's with Dan, but when she's with Dan then Dan isn't interesting. It's a sticky situation.

-I'm really on the Dan bandwagon, by the way. He's still pretentious and stupid but in a really pleasant way.

-Gossip Girl - how dare you beat me over the head with Nate and Whatsherface and have absolutely no Eric or Lil' J in the whole episode. Fuck you, Gossip Girl. Fuck you.

-"And no Riverdale doesn't count." Attagirl, Blair. Attagirl.

-I am not into nice Chuck. "For your information I told Rufus about you not going to Brown because I was concerned." YUCK. Please, don't let this be the case. Please let this be a long ruse where you lure Serena in and then at the end of the season you poison her to death with poison.

-What was the deal with Scott freaking out about the professor thing? Mara and I were perplexed. Does he have tourettes? By the way, that guys name is Scott and like a lot of this show so far this season he is not interesting.

-Who are all these non-descript businessmen who want to invest in a Chuck Bass venture? I usually don't hold the show accountable for it's reality flaws but come on.

-And while we're on the subject. - a party on the roof of an NYU dorm? Again, come on!

-On the reality side of things though, Blair's right, clubs on the weekend are totally bridge and tunnel.

_Ok let's talk about my beloved Georgina. Am I wrong or is Georgina the single most compelling character on the show? Chuck and Blair are foundering big time and everyone else makes me want to throw up (except Lil' J. I love Lil' J) Let's cut right to the chase everyone, yes Georgina is evil and yes Georgina is plotting to bring Blair down and yes that's why she's awesome. The insincerity was oozing out of her when she complimented Vanessa on her stupid documentary (she was almost as insincere as V herself when she said "Aw shucks! Come on guys!" Or something like that.) Please don't let Georgina go away. Don't let her go on that stupid nurse show. Stay, G stay. Please!

-"The only queens here are the ones with tickets to see Liza at Carnegie Hall." I didn't like this. I thought it was cheap and not funny and worst of all not Chuck Bass.

-Still love Dorota, that's for sure.

-Never gonna stop hating Rufus. Remember when Dan was like "ask Rufus he's a good dad" and I was like "Uhm no he's not. He's the opposite of being a good dad. He's a bad dad." And as Mara pointed out - he's looking a bit puffy. I bet that actor that plays Rufus is as douchy as Rufus. Just an inkling.

OK. I didn't like this episode. There were some funny moments, but ultimately it's fell very, very flat for me. Think about it there are two central storylines going on (out of about 4 altogether) that have no juice at all. They're completely uninteresting and they take up 50% of the show and the other 50% is lagging as well. Chuck and Blair are blergh right now and this whole Scott thing is gonna turn into a mess. I can't believe I'm saying this but right now I'm incredibly pessimistic about the season as a whole.

Georgina Sparks saves it from being an outright F and brings it up to a D.

Pick up the pace guys. Maybe some Cyrus next week and definitely some Jenny Humphrey PLEASE!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Because...well, because it's the MOTHAFUCKING season premiere MOTHAFUCKAHS

Fall is here and I, for one, could not be happier. The air will get crisp, I will talk about wanting to go apple picking and then never go apple picking and of course that means the return of Gossip Girl - the single greatest television show in the history of time and space.

-Welcome back everyone, I missed you all so much. Oh wait, no I didn't. I totally forgot. I didn't miss Rufus because I hate him. He's the worst. And I didn't miss Dan. Well that's not entirely true I kind of, sort of missed Dan. He's growing on me. But I, for sure didn't miss Serena. I missed the way her boobs looked in flowy dresses but I can see them in those fake tabloid pictures I'm sure. I wish she would have stayed in whatever foreign country(ies) she was in (I tend to not pay close attention to Serena storylines).

-This premiere episode felt like a lot of set-up for me. It wasn't bad (it can never be bad) it just wasn't particularly memorable.

-Vanessa's hair gained weight.

-You see this is why Rufus is so stupid - if a teenager approaches you anywhere and tells you that he/she is just a really big fan of your stupid band, know this - HE'S LYING! Just a good rule of thumb, ok? Great.

-CONCERN ALERT: Blair and Chuck are less fun when they're together. I know we think we want it, but we don't.


-Alright Vanessa. Enough. If someone gave you a limo to drive around in all day, like you wouldn't? You could take it Ricky's and buy earrings. (Do they even sell earrings at Ricky's?)

-Jenny and Eric are the new Will and Grace. No they're not.

-If you were Jenny Humphrey's father (In this case, Rufus) would you let her walk around looking like that? I know you'd like to think you'd be progressive and all "I just want my daughter to be able to express herself" but you wouldn't. It's not even that she looks slutty it's that she looks she's just been busy finishing up all this heroin. Add to the fact that I'm now starting to think she's the hottest one on the show and you've got yourself a problem on your hands, fella (in this case Rufus).

-This long, lost son storyline is just going to serve to mean more Rufus, so I'm against it.

-I have to talk about Carter Baizen right? Ok. Done.

-Blair's most memorable line of the night came early when she told that girl she had "American Girl hair" which is a problem because, truth is, it's not that great of a line. It's good, yes, but it's not up to Waldorf standards.

-Chuck's military jacket thing? Yes.

-Nate Archibald? No.

-Seriously, Nate is really dumb.

-Glad to see Joanna Garcia, late of Privileged, in the mix here. She might make me not want to fast forward through the Nate bits.

-They don't check ID's at polo matches.

-Vanessa's new bf/Dan and Serena's half brother wears khakis. Khakis are stupid. No one should wear them. Unless that person is someone's dad. But even then...

- I like Nate's nefarious grandfather.

-Chuck made a Jules et Jim reference which baffles me on two levels. The first being - who do they think watches this show? I guess more people who would get a Jules et Jim reference than I would expect (and let me just say this, I'm not being all hoity toity like oh I totally get it, I only get it because I had to watch that movie in college and you know what? It sucks. It's boring. I'd much rather watch Point Break. RIP Bodhi. You're missed!) And second for the small minority who do get it, do you expect us to believe, based on the character you've created, that Nate would get it? But you do. You want us to believe that that dummy gets a Jules et Jim reference and he's not even in college! Come on. At least have Chuck make that reference to Vanessa. She's a pretentious snob.


Ok, here's the thing-the episode was fine. Nothing earth shattering, but fine. It looks like we're back to form next week with appearances from Doroda as well as one of my favorites - Georgina Sparks. Until then this episode is a B.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

I'm Over Here Now

Hey. I haven't been updating much I know because I'm concentrating on a new blog for a while.

You can go here to read it.


No fear, though I'll be back around for Gossip Girl.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Hey, remember the 90s?

I watched Chasing Amy last night. The whole thing. It was on IFC and I decided to watch it. It hasn't aged all that well and is certainly not as good as I remember it, but there is still some stuff in there that's worth your time. Particularly Joey Lauren Adams. What happened to her? She's really good in that movie and, let's face it, with that voice she's starting in a hole. Her scene outside the hockey arena is the best scene in the entire movie.

What really struck me about Chasing Amy though is how much I miss the 90s. You remember the 90s don't you? Everyone called each other on pay phones, smoked in bars and shopped at record stores. They were good days.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

Five things in pop culture that I'm finished with.

-John Gosselin. Really? Enough already with this guy. I didn't care about him to start, then I kind of cared about him because I was told by everyone that I should, then I felt a little bad for him because his wife seemed annoying, then I felt sexist for taking his side when I really didn't know all that much about the situation, then I thought he was a douchebag (what with the earrings and all) then a dickhead (what with the galavanting around town with blonde girls all the while ignoring his EIGHT kids), and now... well now I'm done.

-Mischa Barton's meltdown. Does anyone care about Mischa Barton anymore?

-Entourage, more specifically anything invloving "E" and/or "Turtle. I've been finished with Entourage ever since the episode where Vince drove around with Turtle all day and then bought him really expensive sneakers from the kid who played Rufio in Hook. The show is mesmerizingly bad. Worse than True Blood. In fact, it's way worse. I'm really waiting for someone to tell me that HBO's current Sunday night line-up is just one big practical joke because if they don't I fear the apocalypse may be upon us.

-The Emmys. Ok. This is a big one. People who vote for the Emmys are supposed to watch television, correct? I thought so. Having said that it's safe to assume that most, if not all, Emmy voters have seen Connie Britton and yet for three years running have chosen not to nominate her for her tremendous work on Friday Night Lights. Let me say this, Connie Britton is the best person acting on television right now and she is surrounded by some of the best actors around and still she stands out. I don't get it. I'm at a loss. It's a brilliant show. She's brilliant. The Emmys are dumb.

-NYC Prep, but not for the reasons you'd think. I decided to stop watching the show after the second episode because I feel bad for them. They're being exploited just as badly as the Jon and Kate kids. It's bad. But, that's probably another post for another day.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Some things are just made for me.

<a href="http://video.msn.com/?mkt=en-US&from=sp&vid=02fbd38f-cf72-487c-a788-bbca5eb51d94" target="_new" title=""RENO 911!" and Human Giant Cinemash "Point Break"">Video: "RENO 911!" and Human Giant Cinemash "Point Break"</a>

Get Well, MCA

I have a real soft spot for the Beastie Boys, so I was very saddened to hear about Adam Yauch's cancerous tumor. Diagnosis seems good and he should recover, but it's still scary and my thoughts are with him for sure. The Beastie Boys are probably, and unfortunately, best known for "License To Ill." They've had a ton of success since then and songs like "Sabotage", "Sure Shot" and "Intergalactic" have kept them relevant, but it's still the stuff on that first record that people tend to think of when they think of the Beastie Boys. That's a damn shame because that record is actually tedious, juvenile and sexist, but their next three records - "Paul's Boutique", "Check Your Head" and "Ill Communication" - are up there as one of the greatest back-to-back-to-back releases in modern music. "Paul's Boutique" is enough of a masterpiece to secure their legacy as one of the most important acts of our generation -add to it the other two records and their future is secure. Each one of those records has recently been remastered and re-released and I suggest you check out the vinyl as it cannot be beaten. So, Adam get well soon. We're all thinking about you.

Aaaaaaaaaaashole! Aaaaaaaaashole!

Dear Chris Brown,

Fuck you.

My favorite part is when he says "No one is more disappointed in me than me." Really? More than Rihanna. If you say so. You're a dick.

Monday, June 29, 2009

Wardine Be Cry

I'm loving Infinite Jest, believe it or not. It's a task, but it's one worth taking I think. I'm done here because I want to get back to reading. Byezees!

Monday, June 22, 2009

What I learned from watching "True Blood" last night

Maryann's power is that she can start a wicked dance party where there had not previously been a dance party. Awesome, True Blood. Awesome.

Andy Bellefleur is the only character I like. In order to save True Blood, they should just have an apocalypse so everyone dies, including vampires, except Andy Bellefleur. I guarantee it would be more interesting.

The "Sam is a dog" story is the single dumbest plotline on any show ever...any show...ever.

Things that are supposed to be funny (like Bill shopping at Forever 21) are just not funny on True Blood. Mostly because the show is so bad.

My "oh this show!" moment from last night came when Lafayette was digging through that guys remains to find his hip replacement. Just gross for gross sake and that guy must be the youngest recipient of a hip replacement in all of history.

I wish Jessica would eat her parents and then Sookie.

True Blood sucks

Infinite Summer

The good folks at InfiniteSummer.org have convinced thousands to finally hunker down and read David Foster Wallace's mammoth "Infinite Jest" this summer. I'm joining the cause. The book is north of 1,000 pages, so the idea is at least 75 pages a week until the middle of September and that should do it. I've wanted to read this book for a few years now and have cowered in fear at the heft of the damn thing, but knowing there's a support system out there should help matters. I'll be talking about it a bit here on the blog, so I figured you should know about it.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Hot Fucking Dancing

So, there's this awesome new blog called Hot Fucking Dancing. You should check it out at HotFuckingDancing.tumblr.com. It's just two sweet dudes rocking some killer dance moves. I heard they're going to post new videos of their Hot Fucking Dance moves pretty regularly. In any event, here's video of the first installment. Enjoy.

Hot from Michael Torpey on Vimeo.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

These are your people, Sarah Palin.

Don't get me started on the whole Letterman/Palin thing. It's almost as stupid as "True Blood." I don't think anyone will have trouble guessing which side I'm on, but if for some weird reason you should find yourself on the other side maybe take a look at this and re-evaluate your position.

Monday, June 15, 2009

True Blood is back...

and still so fucking bad.

I don't have time yet to really delve into how fucking bad the season premiere of "True Blood" was, but it was so, so fucking bad. So wonderfully fucking bad. Everything was just fucking gross and fucking stupid and fucking poorly acted (except for Anna Paquin who I actually think it kind of good, but that guy who plays Bill, who will only be known for this role FOREVER since no one will fucking cast him in anything else because he's so fucking bad, he was epically fucking bad.)

Nevertheless, it's a joy for me to have "True Blood" back because I hate it and sometimes it's fun to hate stuff.

I'll also talk about it more later in the week, like for example when the newly vampired teenager hears Bill's cell phone ring and says "can I have one of those" as if she doesn't know what it is. She's still a teenager who remembers her former non-vampired teenage life, but she doesn't know what a cell phone is? Really? Ha! True Blood is so fucking stupid!

Oh and Tara. I can't wait to talk about Tara. She is so fucking bad.


Thursday, June 11, 2009

I'll bet the Hold Steady saved someone's life last night

It's no secret that rock 'n roll can sometimes be transcendent, but this fact is usually relegated to one's youth. The discovery of bands that will one day become among your favorites is an experience unlike any other, but the child-like joy usually dies out somewhere around the time you discover cynicism. However, if there's one band in the world that can make you forget all of that bad shit, it's The Hold Steady and boy oh boy did they do it for me last night.

The show, like every Hold Steady show I've ever been to, was balls-out fun. If you haven't seen the Hold Steady - do it! Whether or not you consider yourself a fan does not matter. Their records are great, their live shows are other worldly. So, obviously there was much dancing, singing and clapping along with youthful abandon, many beers consumed and toasts were raised to "Saint Joe Strummer". But, last night something magical happened that I have never seen at any show ever and can guarantee never will again (unless of course it becomes a Hold Steady ritual, which may be the case.)

Allow me to paint a picture...

The show ends and the lights go up and as people start to file out Bruce Springsteen's "Thunder Road" plays over the PA and if you're a Hold Steady fan, you're a Bruce fan so like second nature we all start singing along, but then none of us want to leave until the song's over so we all just kind of hang out and sing the song in unison. It's a sweet moment, a nice way to cap off a great show. Rob Sheffield's there singing with us and it's really nice. As the song is playing, many file out but a good number stay and we catch a glimpse of Franz Nicolay (the keyboard player for THS) on the balcony, so we direct our voices towards him and we are all BEST FRIENDS at this point. A bunch of music fans putting everything aside to just enjoy each other and the band we love. "Thunder Road" ends and then it gets crazy. The follow-up? "Rosalita."

To explain what happens next is not something that can be fully put into words. If you don't know, "Rosalita" is ten minutes of absolute joy and the moment we heard the opening bars, we weren't going anywhere. The remaining 60-75 of us have a sing-along dance party fueled by nothing but pure happiness. Smiles were plastered on our faces as we put our arms around each other and sang along, started a dance circle and acted like kids. The Hold Steady boys all congregated on the balcony with smiles as big as ours, singing along with us and taking pictures of all us old people acting like we did the first time we'd ever been to a show.

As the song ends The Hold Steady come out to the stage to wave goodbye and say thank you to us, with smiles as big as ours.

For one night, rock 'n roll was transcendent again.

Here's some video of the craziness. It's long and may not be as entertaining if you weren't there, but it's still nice to know it happened.

Monday, May 25, 2009

Rosie's back

After its unceremonious dumping from the Nick at Note roster in favor of relentless blocks of George Lopez and Home Im-fucking-provement, Roseanne is back on cable! TV Land is running the greatest sitcom of all time at 9 and 9:90 and then at from midnight to 1:30. So, great!

RIP Jay Bennett

Jay Bennett was in Wilco. He was one of the men who created "Yankee Hotel Foxtrot" - one of the great records of this decade. Jay Bennett had a contentious relationship with Wilco leader Jeff Tweedy and this relationship was the focal point of the excellent documentary "I Am Trying To Break Your Heart." After Jay Bennett left Wilco, he never had the same success but this doesn't change the fact that Jay Bennett was supremely talented - a truly excellent musician and his death is incredibly sad. During his time in Wilco Jay and Jeff were like Mick and Kieth. They were partners. Those records could not have been made without both of them. Jay Bennett was 45 years old when he went to sleep and didn't wake up. We'll miss Jay Bennett.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

The last thing I'll say about American Idol OR: Why America is still struggling with it's homophobia

I'm sad tonight. I'm sad that Adam Lambert lost American Idol. Here's the thing - I'm not sad that he lost the singing competition. That doesn't bother me. Adam Lambert will eclipse the winner, Kris Allen, as well as mostly every other "Idol" that came before him. Adam Lambert will be successful, but that's not what this was about...not this season.

I recently likened Adam Lambert to Jackie Robinson and initially I laughed it off as nothing more than a drunken rant, but the more I think about it, it's not that far off. Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier and was the first black player in Major League Baseball. He changed the way people thought about blacks because he excelled at something. He was the best. Baseball, in that time, was the American pastime - the most popular thing in the country. Today, not so much. Today, American Idol, for better or worse, is the most popular thing in this country and whether we like it or not it takes the pulse of how we're feeling and, more importantly, how we're doing. It's bigger than a singing competition. Now depending on who you are, this may seem like a sorry state of affairs, but that's not changing its validity. There were a hundred million votes for this thing. That cannot be denied.

Adam Lambert may or may not be gay and this cost him the title last night. He's not "out", but that doesn't matter, the court of public opinion has spoken. For some reason, in this country it's okay to be prejudiced against gays. Our politicians can continually decree that they don't support gay marriage because if they were to they would be unelectable. Even Barack Obama, guys - he has contributed to turning his back on civil rights when he came out against gay marriage and the fact that he probably isn't actually against it makes it that much more deplorable. It's spineless. It makes him a liar.

Anyway, I digress. Adam Lambert not winning American Idol is a bigger deal than surface would suggest. Here's some truth - Adam was consistently the best performer week in and week out on American Idol. He was the most daring, the most progressive - he changed the game. There was no way anyone would beat Adam Lambert, but then when push came to shove someone did. I'm not bagging on Kris Allen. He seems nice. But the American Idol? Come on.

In a year when California ignorantly voted against gay marriage, a Broadway queen winning American Idol would have meant a lot. It would have been a step forward. A change from the norm. But, it didn't happen. This isn't about how the gay community reacts to someone like Adam Lambert, either. That's irrelevant. It's about how the rest of America reacts to him...and they were so close. So damn close. But it didn't happen and that disappoints me.

I didn't want Adam to win because he's gay (or probably gay). I wanted Adam to win because he deserved to win. He was the best. Bar none. He was humble and sweet and he could sing. He was just better. And he didn't win. The best man didn't win and my fear is that he didn't win because of his perceived sexuality and if that's the case America, then we've still got a long way to go.

I know this is not keeping with the usual tone of this blog and this may sound overly idealistic and maybe even a bit condescending and for that I apologize. It's not meant that way. I just want to say, you don't have to be gay to care about this. I, believe it or not, am not gay, but I understand that this is about equality. You just have to care. You just have to be a human being. Am I suggesting if you didn't vote for Adam than you're a homophobe? Absolutely not. Kris is both talented and likable. But understand that there are people out there who did just that. Who didn't vote for Kris, but voted against Adam. We're not there yet and based on the way the season was going, I thought maybe we were. But we're close. We need to cross that threshold, though. This is a fight worth fighting.

I'll go back to being funny later, I promise.

Because Gossip Girl is NOT a twink with Zac Effron hair and also because...I love you too.

NOTE: Because I did a running diary, I needed someone to recap the glorious finale of our favorite show, so I turned to our good friend Anonymous, or Franny. And so it goes...

Ya see that?! ya like how I copied his style with the title? Well, enough of that let's get down to it...

First of all Lorianne - I do have a spelling problem, I was born premature OK!. I have learning disabilities! Would you poke fun at Donna Martin? Of course you would, but I digress.

Serena, get that tassel right out of your hair. Silly twat! Are you kidding me! At my high school graduation we didn't even receive real diplomas till a week later so they could control us at graduation. We were told that if we threw our hats, like all normal graduates do (as Television and movies would have us believe) we wouldn't graduate. I see how redic that is now for us to ever have believed. Why would we wanna throw those hats up? Someone could lose an eye...at least that's what the nuns said.

Anyway, back to GG Why in god's name would "the new girl" come to Constance on the last day of the school year before her freshman year even started just to be a bitch to cool chicks from Brooklyn who look like Courtney Love during her Versace Stage (who's gay ...ME?) IT MAKES NO SENSE!

Also..Eric's boyfriend almost being gossip girl made me furious. I yelled out in protest...LAME!

Some lines I liked were...

1.) Blair: "sleeping with the dregs of DUMBO", followed by Vanessa: "I'm standing right here!"

2.) Anything out of Nelly Yuki's Mouth.

Also where the fuck is CeCe? She's my Queen and why wouldn't she come to her granddaughter's graduation? I LOVE CECE!

Finally it's time to discuss something I know we all hate...Lily and Rufus! proposing to Lily with that wrapper or whatever the fuck that thing was was not only schmaltzy (call the schmaltz police) but it was plagiarized from like 4,0000 sitcoms, Lifetime movies, ABC movies of the week...I could go on...and those pieces of shit, they plagiarized it from a fucking soap opera...this is the exact way Luke Spencer proposed to Laura on General Hospital in 1981. I know, I know I was only a year old then but I know my shit. I was raised on soap operas! Just ask my mother, Lily Reynolds Bass...oh wait it's just Lily Reynolds.

That's all........................

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

This post is about old people. There you have it.

So, Gossip Girl is over for the season and for me American Idol ended last week when the Evil Widower was bested by the forces of good (though truth be told, it really ended when Allison was unceremoniously sent home two weeks too early), so it looks like I'm going to have to find some other things to blog about.

How about old people?

Listen, guys old people are so great. They're just really funny. My favorite thing about old people is the moment when they decide to just say "fuck it!" This happens, I'm convinced, to each and every elderly person at some point. A switch just goes off in their heads which compels them to forget everything they have ever learned about common courtesy and politeness (actually a word, huh.) and because they're old and frail, we allow it to happen because, let's face it - shit's funny.

Case in point, I was at Dunkin' Donuts on Friday before going to Philadelphia to speak to a classroom full of high school girls about the finer points of comedy - which is sort of comedy in it's own right, but it was great. I nailed it. And I told this story. Anyway, back to one. Dunkin' Donuts. This may be difficult to explain so bare with me. I don't know about your Dunkin' Donuts, but most of the ones I've been to have an area where you order and then down a few feet there's a pick-up area, should you be getting something other than coffee. Well an old lady - a glorious, fantastic old lady - was standing in said area complaining to anyone who would listen to her about how there wasn't enough space for her to move around down at the pick-up area. This is hilarious, because it makes absolutely no sense and nonsense is best spouted by people to whom it makes perfect sense. And to her, it did. Of this I am certain.

Following her rant which at this point had me openly laughing, she got her coffee and said to the clerk "now gimmie a couple-a Splenda. And don't be cheap." She kept repeating this - "don't be cheap" - as a sort of mantra and I officially lost it. Here's why this is so funny. Her telling the guy, and trust me she was commanding him - this was a period-end-of-sentence-command as opposed to a period-end-of-sentence-suggestion...anyway, her telling this guy to not be cheap with regards to Splenda is so absurd. Look, if she was getting sugar in her coffee, telling the guy to "not be cheap" would make sense. You could ask for two sugars and he could short change you, it's in a communal vat and in an effort to save money he could have feasibly cheated her (though, my mother always says with regards to Dunkin' Donuts and their sugar giving - "they have a heavy sugar hand" and she's right), but there is no way to do this with Splenda. You ask for a number of Splenda and they give it to you. THEY ARE PRE-PACKAGED! HE COULDN'T HAVE BEEN CHEAP WITH IT!

In her defense she didn't specify a number of Splena. She said "a couple-a Splenda" which could have meant she was leaving the denomination up to him, but in my world and I'd assume just about everyone else's, a couple means two. If you want more, lady be specific. It's that simple. Old people are also paranoid that because they're old everyone's trying to pull fast ones on them all the time.

Old people are fascinating.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Because it's the season finale, ya'll!!!

Ok, so it's not a live blog, it's a running diary. Suck it.

8:00 Previously on..."you know, you love me." Yep, I do.

8:01 - Mara just said re: Serena - "bracelet is stunning."

8:02 - Nate called him "grandpa", just like a real boy. So much Vanessa exposition. Now, I feel caught up. She took the SATs, is going to NYU and backpacking. Why can't they do that with Dan?

8:03 - Eric is really tiny. I wonder if that contributed to his being gay?

8:04 - "I thought we were gonna match our headbands under our caps." That's one for Waldorf!

8:05 - Woah is Dan, sorry Don , Humphrey.

8:06 - Mara: "This lighting is very early 90's sitcom that is usually inside except here it's outside. Do you know what I'm saying." I don't.

8:06 - At which point I wonder if they put a wig on me and I walked really fast, could I pass as one of the "extra" graduates. Probably not.

8:07 - Cyrus! Fabulous!

8:08 - I'm sure everyone noticed, but how does Serena get away with wearing a tassle in her hair and no grad cap?

8:08 - "Gossip Girl is going down!" Oh snap. Business just picked the FUCK up!

8:10 - I hate Dani.

8:11 - "Besides she didn't say anything about us." Just like everyone else. YARI!

8:12 - "I'll run some stats." - That's one for Bass

8:12 - Rufus needs to BEAT IT!

8:13 - Mara thinks Nate's suit doesn't fit. I disagree. I wish I could find a suit that fit like that. I miss the Duchess

8:14 - "The Insider - what's that" "Uh, it's a tabloid TV show." Never thought I'd say this...but that's one for Humphrey.

8:16 - Dan just pulled a Rufus. Finally his bad behavior has rubbed off on his son.

8:18 - The Nelly Yuki eats moments are cheap, but pretty funny nonetheless.

8:18 - I am submitting it right now - gay Jonathan is NOT gossip girl.

8:22 - Knew it

8:23 - I like Taylor Momsen so much more now that I've heard her band.


8:25 - Lily is too good for Rufus.

8:25 - Really sweet moment between Blair and Eleanor. Blair looks HOT!

8:26 - Nelly Yuki dancing shots are cheap, but really funny.

8:28 - When did "the girls on the steps" become "the mean girls?" What was once so clever has now become so generic.

8:30 - "What about my headband?" "I admire it" That's one for Waldorf and one for Bass. Good show.

8:32 - AWESOME! This episode at the half way mark is just really fun. I love that gossip girl is the common enemy.

8:33 - "Like you weren't with the dregs of DUMBO!" Point Waldorf.

8:34 - Nelly Yuki is having a helluva episode.

8:35 - Enough Chuck. You're almost pure evil.

8:37 - Hello, Emmy people, it's Pat Driscoll, don't be a bunch of fucking snobs, alright and nominate Leighton Meester. She is brilliant. Funny, angry, vulnerable. EVERYTHING.

8:37 - Mara and I agree, we're done with "Chuck and Blair." It should have just happened. It didn't, so... peace!

8:39 - Mara -"Enough with your glory days Rufus."

8:44 - Blair passing the torch to Jenny is a pantheon moment.

8:45 - Dan: "I Loopt you!" Ha! My world's collide!

8:51 - "My mother married an entertainment lawyer." One for Blair. Blair wins tonight's battle.

8:52 - Worst Nate Archibald line reading ever. "What's up Dan? Vanessa?"


8:55 - "Haven't you ever heard of a foreign queen." It's Waldorf in a landslide.

8:55 - At which point I realize it's Dan's brother and flip out!

8:56 - IT IS, IT IS! YES!

8:57 - Really tied the whole Poppy thing up in a sweet little bow, huh? I couldn't be more excited about this Georgina business! This is great...

8:58 - Lots-O-Cliffhangers! They make me happy. All of them.

8:59 - Alright, fine. He gets this last chance, but this is it. Fine. I'll take it.

All in all, well... it was good. Not great. I'm excited about these cliffhangers though. Great season. It was fun. Franny's gonna guest blog this shit later in the week, so stay tuned.

Episode B
Season B+

Thursday, May 14, 2009

An Open Letter to America

Drear America,

Well it's about time. Listen, I'm still not over the whole Allison thing, but this is certainly a positive step on the road to redemption. I honestly don't care who wins now, I just wanted to see the Evil Widower bested. And we've done it! Congratulations! I like this final two and I like both guys. I think both will find success in different areas of the music industry, but most importantly - I look forward to never having to hear the name "Danny Gokey" again.

Nice work, America...finally,


Wednesday, May 13, 2009

An Open Letter to Danny Gokey

Dear Danny Gokey,

You're the worst.

I have diligently watched this season of American Idol and that is the only conclusion I can come to. You are a poor man's Taylor Hicks. Yes, Taylor Hicks is better than you. Don't believe me? You Tube Taylor Hicks' performance of "You Are So Beautiful" and then watch yours (you know, the performance which Simon called "a master class vocal" because he anointed you final 2 at the start of the season and can't turn back now no matter how much it's hurting his credibility as someone who is supposed to judge talent). Guess what Gokey? Hicks blows you out of the water.

Listen Danny, it's no secret that I don't like you. I really don't like you and I think that you've ascended to this spot unfairly in every single respect. I am positive had the producers of Idol chose not to focus on you so much during the audition process and during Hollywood week you would not be in this position. Further, I know for a fact that had you not had a dead wife, you wouldn't have made it to the Top 10. You have had only one memorable performance this whole competition and that was when you gave easily the worst Idol performance of the year last week with your awkward and tone-deaf imagining of "Dream On."

Danny, I think you're smug. I think you think you're great. I think it's embarrassing when you clap for yourself after your performances and even more so when you exclaim "Thank You!!!" to the audience as if you were some sort of rock star or Oscar winner. I hated how you screwed up your duet with Kris by effing up the words, thus effing Kris up and never owning up to it - especially after Simon said you were better than him. That was low. I hated how when Kris tried to engage you during the duet, you refused to look at him. I hate that you're still in this competition and I hate how the judges force you down America's throat each and every week especially when they gave you an "A for effort" last week, which is ludicrous. They would never have given Matt Giraud an A for effort, or Anoop or anyone else - only you. And while we're on this, if you're in the top 4 and all you can get is "good effort" you don't deserve to be there. I hated when, on results night last week you talked about how you watched your performance of "Dream On" and laughed about it. That's so condescending to the people who deserved to still be there, namely everyone else and especially to the person who was sent home that night who absolutely killed her two performances while you admitted that you sucked. You're such a dick.

I hate your necklaces and your stupid glasses and when you said "I meditated on it for a while" - shut up, Gokey! I hated when you had your hands all over Allison during the cake fight. She's a child and you're a gross, old man. I hate your dumb smirk. I hate your dancing. I hate when you pretend to act all "goofy". I hate it all.

Danny, you know a lot of people who know me may say this is just sour grapes because Allison's gone and at 17 has so much more class and talent than you. And they're not totally wrong, but they're not totally right either. Yes, I loved Allison. I thought she was great and definitely think she should have been final two with Adam. However, I was on the I-hate-Danny bus long before, and it's been documented here.

Danny,again - you're the worst. It's a travesty that you're still in this competition and, if there's any justice at all you'll be gone tonight and it will be the last I ever have to see of you. You're only shot to become relevant is winning this thing and if you win this thing, well then I quit.



Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Because...well, because I'm not even going to bother with this

I'm not recapping last night's Gossip Girl because, well because it wasn't Gossip Girl. I didn't hate it. It was fine, but if you believe what you read the alleged spin-off tentatively titled Valley Girls isn't even happening. Apparently the CW has said "thanks, but no thanks" to the new show, so who cares, right? Sure there was some Gossip Girl on Gossip Girl last night - like for example Rufus being the worst and condescending to Lily about how she didn't "know who she was." Fuck you, Rufus. Anyway, I didn't hate it, but it's not my show - should Valley Girls be miraculously rescued at the last minute by the CW I won't be recapping it...I don't think, so I'm not going to start now.

I will however live blog the finale next week. Well, if I can get home to watch it at 8 I'll live blog it. If not, I'll dvr-blog the finale. Either way - fun!!!

In the meantime, here is a video of Taylor Momsen's (that's Lil' J to you) band, The Pretty Reckless performing their first show. Guess what? It's fucking awesome. Enjoy.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Because I need to get all the money back for the new bibles.

"You can tell Jesus the bitch is back!"

And with that line Gossip Girl enters the home stretch on such a high note that even next week's "fake GG/Lily in the 80's" sneak peak can't detract from the awesomeness that has been the last two weeks! This could have been my favorite Gossip Girl episode ever. Like last week, it had a little bit of everything and just the smallest amount of Dan to make it all as palatable as possible, let's get to it...

-I'll start, however with the rough - it seems as though a lot of people are having trouble with Lily getting Serena arrested. Not me! I love it. Do I think it's realistic? Not in the slightest. Do I give a shit? Not at all. In fact, I welcome it. I like my GG ridiculous. Here's the thing - it was worth it for two reasons - 1.) Serena's mug shot = fabulous and 2.) It was done more for the Rufus drama than for anything else and I love it when Rufus is in pain, well, because I loathe Rufus.

-Also, people seem to have a problem with Serena in general this week, what with the fake pregnancy and what, at least right now, appears to be her sort of forgiving Gabriel. To this I say, Serena's an idiot. Always was. Why should that change now?

-Chuck and Blair!!! Again, Chuck and Blair!!! This was the best moment in the show's history. Did you see their eyes? These two can act, everyone. It was unreal. "Because I love her and I can't make her happy."

-Although that wasn't even the Chuck Bass line-o-the-night, that would be upon finding out that Gabriel had been running the ponzi scheme (TOPICAL!) when he says "His suits never did fit well."

-Man oh man is Nate an idiot! He fully knows he's Blair's second choice, right? So so dumb.

-Trachtenberg is a monster as Georgina. She's just great. How did she not get the spin-off? Instead we get Brittney Snow as Lily in the fucking 80's? Come on, Schwartz!

- Really funny moment between Jenny and Lily - she seems like the Twilight type...I think.

-Rufus, for a progressive 2K kind of guy gets really bent out of shape about having to rely on Lily for money. I've got news for you Rufus, she's a goddamn billionaire AND it's not even her money! Live it up, pal. Send the kid to Yale!

- I really did have problems with Lily just letting Poppy get away with it and have to say, was very glad when Serena got all pouty and "no way, man" about it.

-I loved how they were all at the Russian tea room for the meeting between G and Poppy. Because that's what people trying to pull off a scheme often do - show up places where they can be seen...like, really easily!

- Did I mention Rufus is a pussy? Oh, not in so many words - well, "Rufus is a pussy."

-I have to mention Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick again. They have unbelievable chemistry and bring out the absolute best in each other as actors. They should work their whole careers together in project after project. They should be the new Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan, only sexy and not annoying.

-"They can download Kirk Cameron movies!"

-So we're all going to love Georgina after all is said and done, right? And not love her in the way I've loved her up to this point, but have to love her like she'll be a good guy? I kind of don't want to. But. I do want to see Poppy get taken down.

Alright, so this is an A+, a big fat awesome A+. I loved it unconditionally and cannot wait to see how all this gets resolved. There's nothing better than a killer finale and it looks as though that's what we're all in store for, so great!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Because whenever I see Poppy Liftin she jumps into my arms too.

Alright, I'm back after missing last week. Apologies. I'm kind of expecting people aren't reading this anymore anyway, but regardless, you know...?

So, early in the evening I get a text from Brooke asking if I had yet to see Gossip Girl, I hadn't yet watched so I replied "no", like you do, to which she responded "it blows" and then I get to Adrienne's and ask what she thought, to which she responded "it was okay". Then finally I watched and thought to myself "Is it possible we're not watching the same show?"

I loved it. Episode of the year type stuff. It was the type of Gossip Girl I love the most. It was fun and funny and silly and not too heavy, but still a bit heavy. All in all, for me it was vintage GG, so to all the haters YARI!!!

Let's do it...

-If you didn't like last night's Gossip Girl then obviously you don't like Blair. Blair has been a bit of a chore over the past few episodes, but last night she was back. There were a lot of really great lines, but there were two that were pantheon Waldorf. Of course "rats go underground, not Waldorfs" was a little piece of brilliance, but for me "I can't believe I have to see my sworn enemy with Nancy Pelosi hair" may just be Blair's greatest moment!

-The "Gabriel is bad" reveal came as a relief for me. I mean this guy is Aaron Rose bad, except I feel as though I was supposed to like Aaron Rose whereas I'm not supposed to like Gabriel. Fair play. You win. Although I still don't fully understand the scheme he's pulling and why would Poppy be involved? They're stealing money, right? Isn't Poppy rich already? Why would she need to do this? Is it a ponzi scheme of some sort?

-Oh Rufus, Rufus, Rufus. Poor, stupid Rufus. You consistently find new and exciting ways to be a terrible father. Also, what makes you think Lily would like THAT ring.

-Speaking of the ring, Dan and Jenny pooled their savings to buy it. What savings? Dan's been a cater waiter for all of three minutes and, correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't all the work Jenny has ever done been for free?

-"That sounds really boring, especially with Eric out of town." Where the fuck is Eric?

-Vanessa and Dan got pretty tanked on, seemingly, a six pack and at best a half bottle of vodka. Oh children. And while we're on this, why would Vanessa choose to keep the six pack on the counter when there is a fridge within spitting distance? Barring all that, I really liked this moment. I thought it was a great Vanessa moment. I know she's polarizing, but I've chosen to like her.

-Remember early in this season when it really looked as though there would be some illicit Vanessa/Rufus humping? I'm still holding out hope.

-In a follow-up text Brooke wrote "I hate Serena's new man and the name Poppy". I thought that was really funny. I too can't stand the name Poppy and cringe every time they say it.

-Chuck's basketball outfit was the single best thing he's worn since the fabled anchor cardigan earlier this year. If you watch this show without realizing the hilarious nature of his clothing choices, please pay close attention to it from now on. It's almost always one of the funnier jokes on the show. And while I'm at it BASKETBALL!!!!! HA! Come on, world. This is classic stuff.

-How the fuck old is Gabriel supposed to be?

-Was I right in thinking that Jenny referred to Lily as "the V-D Dubs"? If so, then anyone who complained about this episode has immediately been proven wrong.

-And as if I needed another reason to prove the awesomeness of last night..."I see your wearing your beret, who are we spying on tonight?" Really, Brooke? Really.

-One more for good measure - "He told Chuck he met you at Butter, but I know for a fact that Butter was closed that night because I used their bartender for the Nelly Yuki SAT sabotage party!" (Yes, I took notes. I had to.)

-Fine. Fine. One more. "Nate, what are you doing here? I thought there was a Mets game. I saw Dorota wearing her hat."


-Georgina! Welcome back, princess.

-Serena looked awesome in that dress at the co-op party last night. Absolutely gorgeous, though it did look like underwear.

-Problem of the night - Blair is so not moving into an apartment in Murray Hill.

-Also, really bad showing for Nate last night. Just so stupid.

Alright, so the more I write about it I am positive this was the episode of the season. Just great stuff all around. A. For sure.

Thursday, April 2, 2009


I was one of the many people all eye-rolley at the news that Sacha Baron Cohen was going to do a Bruno movie. More of the same, I yelled in derision. Turns out it is more of the same, but not in a bad way. In like, a really a good way which, as it turns out is the opposite of a bad way.

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Because, do you know how many jams they have there? Because it's a lot.

So, I really loved GG last night. There was a moment right at the top of the show when B and S were on the phone and B was lying about her whereabouts and then she sees Serena across the street. I cannot put into words how funny B's reaction was. It was a real "you had to be there moment", but I assume most of you were though so...one of the top 5 GG moments of all time. Anyway, here we go...

-Explain to me, right off the bat, how the Humphrey's managed to get up and shower in Brooklyn then make it to Lily's for a fancy breakfast and then made it to school on time? They would have to wake up at five in the morning.

-Dan was wearing a Strand t-shirt which made me laugh. I like how the GG writers are accepting Dan's pretentiousness and pretty much make it an in-joke. That moment when he was at Jenny's party trying to impress those girls by talking about his story was really funny. That sentence just feels wrong, like there are just too many words or something.

-I wish they would write an episode that really focuses on the girls on the steps. I think they're just great. Especially Hazel.

-"His password's been soccer since the fifth grade". This will be one of the most quotable lines in the history of the show.

-Dan's financial aid being denied is justice. His father is an ex-rock star who owns a gorgeous loft in Brooklyn and an art gallery for gods sake. You're telling me this guy has no money? Please.

-Oh how you tease me "previously on Gossip Girl people. You show me Georgina and then you give me Poppy! How dare you?

-And speaking of Poppy - Why would she want to hang out with a teenager in the first place? And easy trying to make Serena feel bad for herself. She's 17. Quit being so goddamn judgy and condescending to a fucking TEENAGER! I hate Poppy. I hate Poppy almost as much as I hated Aaron Rose.

-Also remember at the end when Poppy's boyfriend recognized Serena and walked up to her and was all "you look familiar"? Do people do that?

-I like the Nate/Vanessa thing. It felt real, you know? Like, this is how teenagers break up. Not the "I'm going to take a big time internship that my rich grandfather, who btw I actually call "grandfather", set up for me instead of going on vacation with you" part. That's ridiculous. But the "I'm going to stop talking to you until I absolutely have to in hopes of avoiding this uncomfortable break up thing" part. It felt like this show was actually populated by real teenagers for a total of fourteen seconds, which was a nice change of pace.

-The Jenny's party thing fell flat, but she looked really hot. I should not have been attracted to her, but I really was. A lot. She looked better than Serena's boobs.

-Kudos to the producers for realizing how much we love Darota and giving her more each and every week. The "maybe girl from Brooklyn cry and Mr. Nate is nice boy..." piece was great and that she's got something going on with the Van Der Woodsen's doorman is potentially great.


So I thought the show had some really great moments and some really great lines. It was actually fun tonight, which is how it should be. Just frothy fun...and Blake Lively's boobs. It wasn't perfect by any means, but I'll take it. A-

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Because it's a lot like playing touch football in a yellow cardigan...with elbow pads.

Gossip Girl, Gossip Girl, blah, blah, blah...you know, you know...

-First off, what's the difference between the "old Blair" and the "new Blair" exactly? They seemed pretty much exactly the same - mean spirited, bitchy, self serving - when was Blair not these things, exactly? A few doe-eyed bedroom scenes with Chuck does not a "new Blair" make.

-"Where's Waldorf"

-I loved that Serena has presumably been through so much with Blair (sex orgies, drug taking, lying, manipulating, declaring war on people's very lives), but it was her shoplifting a pair of sunglasses that convinced S that she had really gone off the deep end this time.

-I liked Vanessa's cardigan a lot. I find her to be very pretty. Mara disagrees.

-I HATE Rufus and Lily, but mostly Rufus. I guess I don't actually hate Lily. I used to really like her, but now she's with Rufus, who I hate. He's the worst. Insufferable. I see where Dan gets it.

- Mara pointed out, quite astutely, how immature Rufus and Lily where being with their lists. So stupid. Serena and Dan were never that immature, but then again Dan's list would have consisted of pretty much just Serena, so I could see how that would be embarrassing.

-One more thing about the list, having a discussion regarding your degree of slutiness is an inappropriate one to have with your teenage daughter.

-I know I say it every week, but damn Serena's boobs are something else. Just a pleasure to look at.

-Who calls their grandfather "grandfather"?

-Why was Dan all over the Vanderbelt Family reunion? I couldn't believe it when he got out of the limo the first time and then back again for day two. Unbelievable.

-I know that I've made mention of the times when Nate is not really on episodes and I've voiced a bit of surprise. Now I totally get it. Nate is sooooooo boring. Like Rufus and Lily boring. Like Chuck investigates the gentleman's club his father was a member of boring. Who cares if he accepts some internship in the mayor's office? Not me. And neither should Vanessa, who IS pretty, dammit! And while we're at it, what DID happen to the Nate that just wanted to get high and play Halo?


-Dorota had a great show last night. First she yells at Chuck in Polish, which is awesome and then totes covers for Blair and Nate which I believe because I'm sure she sees what a better, if much more boring, influence Nate would be on her beloved "Miss Blair."

-"Do you think the Humphrey's have a family crest that I could get Jenny to sew on one of my cardigans?" Sometimes Dan gets me. At least he knows he's ridiculous.

-Where's Eric?

-Jenny was really useless in this episode. She was pretty much only on last night's episode to verbally product place Bluefly.

-Teenagers don't insist that other teenagers "leave town" in real life, yet they do on Gossip Girl which is why I love it.

-What could have possibly happened on Santorini? They'll probably just brush it aside and hope we'll forget to ask again. Not me, I'm asking every week.

-I was amazed at the initial reveal that Tripp was supposed to be older than Nate.

-Also, alright Tripp.

-Touch football.

So the episode was best described by Mara, "meh". Better than last week, though and it seems to be something of a reset and next week looks AWESOME! So, a solid B-.

Monday, March 23, 2009

A quick note on Eastbound and Down

Last night HBO ran the sixth and what is likely to be the last episode of it's new comedy Eastbound and Down which I haven't discussed much, but Friday Night Lights aside, has quietly been the best show in television.

Eastbound and Down is a comedy that isn't always hilarious. It can be sad and it can be jarring and it can be difficult and this is what separates it from the rest of the TV pack. I've often said that no television show approaches being high art like Friday Night Lights but it turns out I'm wrong as Eastbound and Down can certainly be mentioned in the same breath as the vaunted FNL.

The center of the show is Danny McBride's Kenny Powers a rude, obnoxious ex-MLB pitcher who has relocated to his hometown after being the toast of many others. McBride's performance is bordering on genius and is reminiscent of Ricky Gervais' in the Office in that it's all encompassing to the point of discomfort.

The show will make you laugh - this is very important, but not in the Flight of the Conchords "wink-wink look how cute we are" way. No, it dares you to laugh. When Kenny tells a stripper friend of his that she's "a great girl who dresses like a dickhead" or when, in a moment of raw honesty, says to the love of his life "Listen here you beautiful bitch, I'm about to fuck you up with some truth" your first response may be to wince and that's the point.

Kenny Powers is as much an anti-hero as has ever been put on screen. He's a modern day Archie Bunker and his story has been compelling television that may be gone forever. If you watch the show then you know last night's episode ended on a cliffhanger, one that I want to see resolved, but if it's not I will just be happy to have those three hours with Kenny Powers and I'll be glad to know that at least Eastbound and Down existed and there was an audience, albeit a very small one, there to see it.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I kind of hate American Idol Season 8, everybody.

(NOTE: This started off as a simple recap of last nights horrendous American Idol and then as I was writing I flipped out and got all soap boxy. I apologize in advance.)

It's country week! Country week is usually bad! Not because country music is bad, the complete opposite actually. It's great. But you know these people aren't going to sing it well, so...

We'll start, obvi with the good. Alison. Great. At first I wasn't sure if it was great, but I watched it again and I'm sold. It was great. She's the best female contestant on the show. Better, even than Alexis Grace (who I happen to like quite a bit, but not last night. Last night was bad). But, since Alison's not that pretty the judges don't want her to win, so they act like her performance was just ok. Except for Randy, he said it was "dope". Because if all four of them were "meh" everyone would figure out that they essentially fix the competition by giving bogus criticism. Kris Allen was ok, a bit boring, but ok. I hate that song, though. It's gross. Plus, regardless of whether or not Garth Brooks wrote it, it's not a country song. It's a pop song. But, I like Kris Allen so who cares right? Uhm, who else, who else. Oh Matt was good. His performance was good. I really want to root for Matt and initially thought he could be my horse in this thing but dude has zero personality. Z-E-R-O (that's me spelling out the word "zero". Get it?) I find it tough to root for him. I am though, I'm rooting for him.

Next up: Hey American Idol can we put a moratorium (I can't believe that word is spelled that way) on the Taylor Hicks bashing. Guess what, we all knew that Taylor Hicks sucked, but you did that. It's your fault. Don't go acting all "we knew he was bad all along" shit. It's mean.

Also, I'm hating the judges this year. Hating them. All of them. Especially Kara. She throws everything off. And for the most part she's stupid. Stop telling everyone they're artists alright. None of these people are "artists". They pick a fucking song out of a hat and sing it. That's it. Sam Cooke was an artist. John Lennon, Elvis Costello, Neko Case, Bob Dylan, Lucinda Williams, Tina Turner! These are artists.

And also stop using "it's karaoke" as criticism because - OBVIOUSLY! What did you think it was?

I love watching this show, you know, but this season I'm kind of hating it.

Speaking of hate. Oh my Jesus Adam Lambert. I don't even know what to say. I don't necessarily believe you need to be wholly reverent to the past but it's Johnny Cash, man. His performance was so gross. Just dripping, oozing with disgusting. Last night I called it one of the top five worst Idol performances, but now I am ready to call the worst thing I have ever seen on that show. And I've seen some bad stuff. Clay Aiken! Sanjaya! Group sings! Nothing compared to that performance. I don't even know what to say. The camera effing, the arrangement, those awful high notes. Every time Paula stands up and claps for him, it makes me want to fire her on the spot. Paula, who is crazy - admitted - judges these people based on which one she wants to sleep with the most. That's not ok. The worst piece of criticism came from Randy who compared it to Nine Inch Nails doing country which proves he either doesn't have ears or has never actually bothered to listen to a Nine Inch Nails song, but then went even further by calling that description current. CURRENT! Nine Inch Nails haven't been current in fifteen years! And I like Nine Inch Nails.

The rest - I am consistently flummoxed by the overwhelming support for Danny Gokey. First off, he chose "Jesus, Take the Wheel"! Really? The song is terrible, but his obvious reasons for picking it were even worse. He KNEW that he could be all show-offy at the end and then Paula would rise up all stumbly from her chair even though he didn't know the beginning and proceeded to warble his way through it. It was a bad performance. Not a "wasn't your best, dog" performance. It was simply bad. But, the judges want him in the finals, so there you go.

Alexis Grace was not good. Seeing as how "Ring of Fire" and "Jolene" were the only ACTUAL country songs performed last night (and to be fair that Michael Sarver song as well), I hoped for more out of Alexis. But she didn't deliver. She seems a bit cold at times and though I am a fan, I could see that playing against her. Like Matt, she needs more personality.

Lil Rounds on the other hand - personality to spare! Not the worst performance, but certainly not the best but she is just so likable so I'm on board with her.

Anoop is boring.

Megan Joy (Corkrey) is as adorable as all get out. I fully admit that I root for her to stay around because I enjoy looking at her. Cute as a button, I say.

Lastly, the talent this season is so middle of the road I can't stand it and when Ryan says "I think we have a competition on our hands" I agree, but it's a competition of mediocrity bordering on just bad unoriginal crap. After last night, I actually started to hate this show. I always try to like everything, but I'm starting to think there is nothing here for me apart from Alison who also gets on my nerves a little bit. I like Megan, of course but for all the wrong reasons. I don't really think anyone in this group deserves to win a show like this and become a big star. I really don't. We're at the point now where these people are just in it to be "reality tv" stars, not musicians. There is not a Kelly Clarkson or a Fantasia Barino in the bunch. Not one. These kids have all grown up with the show and are just going through the motions. Doing what they've seen before.

I'm also very disillusioned by these judges this year and their outward favortism of certain contestants is unforgivable. Listen. I know the show's purpose has always been to create a commercially viable star but it all just feels, I don't know, particularly gross this year.

Kind of depressing

Oh and Scott and Michael will be the bottom two and Scott will go home.

Sorry about where this went.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Because why, if you were a teacher, would you not sleep with your student in a costume closet whilst a play was going on just outside?

So Spring approaches and Gossip Girl awakes from it's month long hibernation to give us an episode not quite up to par. But it's Gossip Girl and a Monday night with Gossip Girl is certainly better than a Monday night without Gossip Girl...


-Nate wins for the "should have gone with mercury poison" line, but how pissed was whoever wrote that when he/she (actually a she, Jessica Queller - like Headmistress Queller- did this writer name the headmistress after herself? I effin hope so. That is awesome. Fair play. NOTE: I just did some research and it turns out I'm a little bit in love with Jessica Queller.) realized the show was going on hiatus and would sadly come a month late. Either way, good job.

-In bad Nate news, turns out he is almost as bad an actor as Chace Crawford. Oh Snap!

-I'm sad that Rachel is gone. Listen, I know she was ridiculous, but Dan was having sex with his teacher for god's sake. Yes, he's eighteen and she was probably 22 so obvi not that big a deal, but she was his teacher! That's good drama.

-Alright, full disclosure I'm mostly mad about her ouster because I really thought it was my beloved Georgina sending the GG blasts. When the Serena GG blast was sent out, I yelled to Mara, who had already watched the episode, "OH, I KNOW WHO IT IS! I KNOW WHOSE DOING IT! IT'S GEORGINA!" and I was so proud. Proud like P. And I was wrong.

-Oh and by the by, I'm all for kicking it old school but Dan and Rachel would have never communicated via note and to take it a step further, Rachel would have especially never entrusted her response with her teenage student/lovers little sister.

-Mara took issue with Rachel leaving a key when, seemingly he could have just knocked or, more than likely, buzzed up. I defended it by saying she was probably going to be doing something untoward like lying on the bed in sexy underwear, you know? But it turned out she was just lighting a bunch of candles and cooking dinner, to which Mara exclaimed, "Why would you be cooking dinner for your teenage boyfriend?" Mara, it turned out, was right. About the whole thing. Though I'm actually not sure she was cooking dinner at all now that I think about it. Hmmm.

-But, on the flip side it seems weird that Rufus would use the key and let himself in seeing as how it was at least conceivable that this woman could have been close to naked, no?

-This Chuck storyline was so boring. Sooooooooooooo boring! I hated that Elle. She was a terrible actress and only "meh" in the hot department. Blair is much hotter (she was really, really hot at the end of the episode - but more on Blair next) and it turns out the GG writers forced that super boring two episode Chuck story arc down our throats just to make Chuck realize that he loves Blair. Come on, now. Buck up.

-Blair. B. Ms. Waldorf. I love her. I love her so much. I especially love that she's coming to terms with the fact that she's evil! It's great stuff. Also, Lieghton Meester is just a really good actress who will never get her due while on this show. The moment when she confronted Rachel was awesome.

-No colleges have such strict "one early acceptance only" policy and while we're at this a month has passed, right? Isn't Nelly Yuki's early acceptance just an acceptance at this point.

-Touche GG writers for turning the Waldorf war announcements into a self reflexive joke.

-Oh remember when Nate used the word "dilettante"? Not happening. Though he did kind of, sort of mispronounce it so maybe.

-The best part of the Elle storyline was her coming out of the hotel and being all "they weren't trying to kill me after all, they just wanted to give me a bunch of money" and then us accepting the absurdity of it because we were just so fucking glad it was over.

-Vaneesa - meh.

-Jenny - meh

-This director - meh.

-Serena - meh.

-Serena's boobs - great, as always. I mean, just great. Best boobs in the biz right now.

All in all the episode was hurt a great deal by the Elle story. The play coming apart at the end was fun and Blair declaring all that war was good stuff too. And Derota, but then there was also Charles Isherwood - a real critic who went on Gossip Girl and pretty much called himself out as a pretentious dope, so I guess not all bad. Better luck next week, though.

Oh and it's good to be back with these.

C+ and I'm being generous.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Oh man, this is funny

So, I think this may have been around for a while. I knew Chris Cornell was doing some dance record with Timbaland and I'm pretty sure I just avoided it with the knowledge that it would be embarrassing, but then I couldn't avoid it anymore and I saw this...his video for the song "Part Of Me"

Wow, huh. It's really bad. I can't tell if it's misogynistic or not. I'm pretty sure it is. The chorus, for those of you who didn't watch it, is "No, that bitch ain't a part of me." He says it a lot. Over and over again in fact. But sometimes it sounds like "that bitch ATE a part of me."

It's weird to hear Chris Cornell call a woman a bitch. Is he just trying to be cool? Or is he saying "bitch" like the girls from "The Hills" do when they see each other? And was that fucking Method Man?

So many questions.

It may be that Chris Cornell hates women, but don't worry women I'd imagine after this most people probably hate Chris Cornell.

This is so bad.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Get excited

The Hold Steady's live album/DVD "A Positive Rage" is out on April 7th. Here's the trailer of sorts. It's gonna be great.

The best part is when that kid says "most people in the world don't believe that rock 'n roll can save your soul. I don't think anyone of those people has seen the Hold Steady."


You should listen to this


Go to this link. Listen to the music on it. It's great. I love it. You should love it too.

"Everybody's Scared" is the best song of 2009 thus far. I mean it.

Second best: "Zero" by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. But it's not the best.

That would be "Everybody's Scared."

The best.

Friday, March 6, 2009

She's a little runaway

According to pitchfork, another actress has been cast in the upcoming Runaways biopic which should be the greatest movie ever made - basically a real life, big budget "Ladies and Gentleman Introducing the Fabulous Stains" which is itself pretty high on the list of greatest movies ever made...certainly the best thing Diane Lane has ever done...well besides "Nights in Rodanthe".

Kristen Stewart is already on tap to play Joan Jett which is really great. I'm really excited about that one. But the news today is that cast to play Runaways lead singer and ultimate badass Cherrie Currie is...

Dakota Fanning?

Now listen, "The Dark Knight" was a big deal for some people and when a lot of those people found out that Heath Ledger was gonna play the Joker they weren't happy, you know? This is my "Dark Knight" and I am going to reserve judgment on the casting choice until I see it.

It does seem odd, I'll admit and I don't exactly like Dakota Fanning...

Oh no.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Idol Top 36 Part 2

I promise this blog is not going to become strictly an American Idol blog, I just haven't had much to write about lately...

Having said that, it is gross how obvious it is when the judges are trying to sway the viewers at home to vote for the people they want to see get through. For example Megan Corkrey, who it should be said I love very much, does not deserve to go through if we're basing it just on last night's performance. The judges, however like her because as they said multiple times, she's "commercial" so Simon pleaded with America to give her another chance and vote her through which they will because they always do...

On the other hand, we have Mishavona who is nowhere near as cute or "commercial" as Megan, but she absolutely blew Megan out of the water last night. She sang the shit out of that stupid Drops of Jupiter and then the judges made all kinds of silly criticisms like she's too polished or old fashioned. What? It made no sense. She was great. Best performance of the night and she will not get through, which is a shame.

Adam Lambert is a fucking joke. He's the worst. He turned "Satisfaction" into 80's hair metal. I had a hard time watching it. The judges like him though, so he goes through. I don't get him, but I don't get Lil Rounds either and they'll probably take up two spots in the top 3 (the other being dead wife exploiter Danny Gokey)

And so does the young girl with the pink hair who was good, but didn't do that song like Carrie Underwood did a few years ago.

I'm not even going to start on Norman Gentile. He's the worst. It was marginally entertaining, though. He'll milk this. He could honestly get through. Which is frightening.

Everything else was pretty blah. The judges like that piano playing guy who SUCKED. But they talked him up enough to try to get him put through, so he's a possibility as well.

Anyway: Pink Hair, Lambert and Corkrey get through tonight

Not out of it: Piano guy, Bald welder and god help me, Norman Gentile

Thursday, February 19, 2009

My Idol Concern

I need to talk about this very quickly and I apologize in advance to Mara and all the Gokeyphiles out there.

Listen, I like Danny Gokey. I think he's a nice guy. I think he's a fine singer and I fully believe he would have made the Top 12 regardless of the producers ramming him down my throat. But holy shit. Holy effing shit. Enough, American Idol. I get it. You've decided you want Danny Gokey to win and are planning to stop at nothing to see that happen. I can just imagine what you said in Kara's earpiece before she critiqued his fine performance on Tuesday night. Did you tell her to have an orgasm on camera?

My big problem, though is last night. Anyone who has seen an episode of American Idol knew there was absolutely no suspense surrounding the Gokey/Tatiana showdown at the end of the show, but there we have it. It's Gokey. Gokey's in the Top 12, go sing your song Danny and while you're at it our cameras will pan over to your family whom we will coach to hold up a picture of you with your dead wife just in case anyone forgot you have a dead wife.

I wouldn't have such a big problem with this had I believed these people just brought the picture to the taping with them and were so happy that, without thinking, they held the picture up so the camera could get an in focus close up on it on a live show - but they didn't. The Idol producers told them to bring it and I can just see the producer standing behind the camera lifting his arms up, signaling his poor family to hold up the picture. It's gross. It's so gross. And I don't blame Danny Gokey. It's not his fault. But it makes me not want him to win.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

American Idol Top 36 Part One

Well, it looks like it's time to start talking about American Idol.

First, Danny Gokey. I'm not buying all the Gokey hype just yet (like Simon) though I do think he'll go far. I don't know if he'll win, but he's going far. I feel like I'm being manipulated into liking him as much as I do. Having said that I do like him. Did anyone notice how Seacrest tried to get him to talk about his dead wife after he sang when he asked "where there any pictures going through your head while you performed?". He didn't. I was glad. Enough about his dead wife. A lot of people have dead wives. It doesn't automatically mean they should win singing contests.

Oh lord, Casey Carlson. My early pick! What a bomb, huh? She's still really hot. Like, unbelievably hot. There's no way Idol producers let her get away so quick. She's far and away the hottest thing going on that show (though I'm finding myself more attracted to Jackie Tohn as the weeks progress). I predict she doesn't make it tonight and then has a big redeemer of a performance during Wild Card and gets herself in. I actually don't remember, though do they perform again for wild card? If not, they'll say "we see something in you and we just think you had an off night" and she'll be back. Here's the thing, the performance was horrible, but that arrangement was the real mess and since when is anything sung by Sting "off limits"? Sting sucks!

Here's the thing about Tatiana, ya'll - she's awesome. I love her. She's absurd. She needs to get in, but the only way I see it happening is in a Sanjaya "vote for the worst" kind of way. She's certainly not the worst, she sang okay last night, but she's the worst person and people don't like her.

The second guy who sang last night was as boring as all get out.

Jackie Tohn can be a bit too much at times, but I happen to like her. I thought she was pretty good last night and think her likability grants her another shot. And I really did genuinely like her "trousers".

I really like the guy who calls everybody "sir" and "ma'am". I hope he makes it, but I don't think he will.

Line of the night "Well, where's Bucky Covington now?"

It was really funny when Anne Marie Boskovitch thought she could sing Aretha. I almost always believe no one should do Aretha...ever. Except Kelly Clarkson who basically won season one with the same song Boskovitvh butchered and apparently...

Alexis Grace. I officially love Alexis Grace. Last night I watched her performance and thought it was good, certainly best of the night, but then I watched a few times today and look out Gokey! She's really great. She's got soul, likability and she takes criticism well and builds on it. I really like her. So far she's my favorite.

My prediction for tonight: Gokey, Grace and Jackie Tohn

Not out of it yet: polite guy, Tatiana, Casey and maybe Anoop

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Yeah, yeah, yeah

A few months ago, I devised a game wherein I asked people which celebrity they think they could have an actual relationship with - like really date as they are now. You have to take a lot of things into account when answering. This person has to legitimately like you for you. You have to have similar lifestyles and the like.

In actuality these celebrities would all have to be ok with dating someone who wasn't famous and who would, more than likely, need to be provided for.

It's a fun game and a lot of thinking has to go into it.

The next part of the game, after you've chosen your person, is to get other people who know you to guess who they think the answer is. This is the hardest part. For mine, only Jess Cantrell got it almost immediately.

I'm not asking people to guess mine, I'll give you the answer - it's Lily Allen.

Lily has a new record out - it's called It's Not Me, It's You. There's a song on it called "Fuck You." I think that kind of explains why I'd pick her.

Oh, I'm back by the way and looking forward to new Gossip Girl and once they whittle this American Idol field down to the top 12, we can start talking about that too.


Thursday, January 29, 2009


I have pneumonia.

Yep, pneumonia. I know, I know only old-timey people and AIDS patients get pneumonia! Not true. I know. Because I have it.

I have never been this sick in my entire life.

It's miserable. I can't take deep breaths.

Oh and last week I had the flu.

This week, though...pneumonia.

So, I'll be back once all this pneumonia and stuff's gone.

Bye now.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

You want answers?

So, Mara had an interview posted on her blog that another blogger, 1littlefish, sent her, you know like an interview chain. so now it's my turn, here are the rules:
1. If you want to participate, leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.” (And your e-mail address, please.)
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

Here are the questions and my answers...

1.)If your lady friend was having your baby and you were going to do that thing where you put headphones around the pregnant belly so the baby can hear music, what songs would you put on your baby’s mix? (keep in mind that this is a baby we’re talking about)

Well, most mix tapes can be somewhere around 16 or 17 songs deep. I don't think anyone wants me to list all of them, so I'm gonna pick five.

"Midnight Train to Georgia" by Gladys Knight and the Pips - "Midnight Train to Georgia" is, perhaps, the greatest song ever written and it's mellow enough that it shouldn't disrupt the fetus. Plus, if you're gonna do this you should really try to use only important songs so that when the kid grows up they don't like shit. You know?

Angie by The Rolling Stones - It's a really great song. Really great. And if the baby is a girl, Angie is on the short list for names (though I assume Adrienne would nix it and tell me it's trashy) If I got my way, however that kid's name would not be Angela and we call her Angie, it would just be Angie and no calling her "Ang" either.

At My Most Beautiful by REM - I really like this song. A lot. It's a simple love song and I'm pretty sure it was written for a grown up, but when Stipe sings about watching the object of his affection sleep, I've always thought that must be what it's like to love a kid. Not in a creepy way. Your kid. The one you've made.

Stevie Nix by The Hold Steady - Listen, I know the common thought regarding this whole headphones on the belly thing is that it should be relaxing music and Enya and shit, but eff that. My kid is going to have to deal with a whole lot of rock 'n roll when it's out of the womb so it should be prepared for it. To compromise, I'll turn the volume down.

Age Of Consent by New Order - I once did a list of my 100 favorite songs ever (this was a few years ago). This list was made before I fell in love with New Order (I snobbily thought it was too synth-y and new wave-y and that I wouldn't like it). If I made that list today there is absolutely no way Age of Consent doesn't make Top 5 and would have a damn good chance at the number one spot. How can I not play that for my future kid.

I'm doing a sixth...

Bring It On Home To Me by Sam Cooke - No explanation necessary for this one.

2.) If you were given the option to write upside down for the rest of your life (including typing, the keyboard would be upside down) or read upside down for the rest of your life (also including computer) what would you pick?

Honestly, I don't really get this question. Are there merits to these things? I don't understand why I would want to read upside down. When would I be upside down, like in space or something? I guess I'll pick write upside down and am further guessing that my not understanding this question makes me just a little but stupid.

3.) If you could date one of the several characters on television that you are in love with who would you pick and why? The only guarantee is the first date. You have to take it from there. And they are not the actor but the character and age doesn’t matter. Perv.

This question is so good I can't believe it. As a real TV nut, you see, I don't really develop crushes on actresses, but rather their idealized form - the characters they play. So, this question is great, though really easy. I knew what the answer was immediately and am sure that anyone who knows me well probably knew too, even Adrienne - my real life girlfriend (she would probably say Seely Booth from Bones for herself, or George Michael Bluth). Without question and without any serious competition it's Rory Gilmore from the Gilmore Girls. The closest number two is probably Buffy Somers, but she honestly isn't that close. Rory is smart, funny independent and she comes from good stock (her parents are really, really attractive) plus she reads a lot and knows a lot about music - we'd probably have a lot to talk about. She can be whiny sometimes, but that's part of her charm - if she was too perfect it would just be irritating.

4.) Do you have any embarrassing stories you are comfortable sharing with us? Preferably from adolescence, and preferably something you’re not entirely comfortable sharing.

Embarrassing stories? Jeez, there's probably a million. I have the worst memory. The problem is, everyone already knows them - "Dear Dara", "Take off your pants, buddy", my teenage love of Kira, "I'm such a good skanker" - these are all things that I get made fun of on a pretty regular basis. I am, literally trying so hard to think of something that has never been discussed.

Alright, this really isn't that embarrassing, but I guess it could work. When I was in probably 5th or 6th grade I used to hang out with "the cool kids" you know even though they didn't really like me are were mostly just mean - I think I probably won in the end - and as a result I used to do mean thing because well, they were the "cool kids" and that's what "cool kids" always do. One day we were on someone's garage roof throwing crab apples at cars and people. Someone in our group threw one at a girl who then proceeded to chase us and she caught me. I started to cry and she let me go. When the people I was with found me I told them I was pretending to cry so she would let me go, but that was a lie. I was actually crying.

Also, I once met Joan Allen and I told her she should have been nominated for an Oscar for "The Upside of Anger." The embarrassing thing about that is I meant it.

5.) Please tell us everything illegal you’ve ever done. Including but not limited to: underage drinking, trespassing on the beach, statutory rape, date rape, rape rape, arson, vandalism, murder, extortion, manslaughter, money laundering, running red lights...

Alright let's see, I'm guilty of

-underage drinking
-trespassing on the beach
-statutory rape
-date rape
-running red lights

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Wherein I completely redeem myself for posting the terrible Gossip Girl rap video last week

NOTE: I never want to watch videos people post either, but I implore you to watch this - it's spectacular. Like "Stairway To Stardom" good.

I stole this from Videogum, but I had to. It's amazing. I don't even know what to say. Just watch.

Mark Gormley is my new favorite person in the world. In a strange way, his lack of charisma makes him completely charismatic. The way he shifts his weight from leg to leg is perhaps the funniest thing I have ever seen. Please, let this be real. Please!

Best parts (aside from the leg thing)

1.) Random guy parasailing
2.) That woman walking through what appears to be a food court in her bikini
3.) Mark Gormley looking off camera
4.) The song being described as "intense"
5.) "Don't play around with my affection, woman."

Because it's like shouting out your real life heritage with the use of a close-up on a Union Jack cufflink

I usually write some introduction, but if you read this weekly well then you know the drill. Here we go.

-So, during the "previously on Gossip Girl" montage, I'm reminded of Dan getting all bent out of shape about Nate being with Jenny. Dan throws Nate against the wall, shows him the Gossip Girl post and angrily asks "What are you doing? Or is this not you with my fifteen year old sister?" Emphasis on "fifteen year old". Here's my gripe - that's not crazy! Nate is supposed to be, what, seventeen? If you want to be angry that your friend is putting the moves on your sis, that's fine - but her being fifteen, in this world, shouldn't matter. "How could you corrupt my young fifteen year old sister." This is where the show gets self conscious - everybody knows that in real life Chace Crawford is 36 and Taylor Momsen is really, actually, like for realz 15 - so they make this an issue. When I was 17 my girlfriend was 14 and we were very happy thank you very much. She bought me an ant farm for my birthday.

I have to take a minute to talk about Uncle Jack Bass? Really dude - get a life. You're an adult and you're really threatening a teenage girl and plotting to take down your nephew. This story line is forced drama and I'm not into it.

"I wouldn't have come to this party if I knew I wasn't VIP." There's our Blair!

Line of the night, from Chuckles re: his father's disapproval - "Why did you wear so much purple?"

So, last week I loved when the popular girls referred to themselves as "the girls on the steps" and now S is just calling them "mean girls." From borderline brilliant to hack in one week.

A note to Jenny people can't have personal film festivals. Just say you're going to watch a bunch of movies with some sort of theme (in this case a bunch of Edith Head movies), but don't call it a film festival. Are you giving out awards? This does get points, however because I totally believe Jenny would know who Edith Head was.

Can we talk about the ridiculousness of Bart giving Bass industries to Chuck? I don't care how cunning, smart and devious you may be, you cannot run a business when you're 17. What is this a Sinbad movie?

Okay, so I've been watching Gossip Girl for a long time and I hate to quibble with realism because it's not relevant, but I will call out the writers when they are completely untrue to the characters they've created. Case in point - there is no way the Blair Waldorf whom we've grown accustomed to would fall for Jack's "let's throw Chuck a surprise party" thing. Especially after he threatens to blackmail her. She would have foiled this. Again I'm really not a fan of this story line.

Rufus is wearing something other than a turtleneck! Huzzah!

I was really offended by the negative tone Gossip Girl and the rest of the upper East Siders took with Dan's lunching on a tuna sandwich. Tuna is delicious regardless of your social status.

I agree, Dan - candy is candy.

"Swear on your 'Simple Machines' 7 inches". Ugh! I should love this. If it were Gilmore Girls and Rory was saying it to Lane, I'd totally buy it, but Dan Humphrey, c'mon. I wouldn't believe it if it were a "Matador" reference let alone "Simple Machines."

This episode marks the return of the Mini Blairenas! This is a good thing.

S and B look great in HD

"At least Romeo and Juliet don't share DNA". Neither do Serena and Dan. This is misinformed. They have a brother who shares their DNA, but they DO NOT personally share DNA. Someone else shares their DNA. I think.

I love the old 90's alternative band references. First the great Tanya Donelly and now Buffalo Tom. Very nice, even though neither of them contributed to those "Simple Machines" 7 inches. The only problem here is I'm realizing I may be closer in age to Rufus and Lily than I am Dan and Serena which is very scary.

Rufus' bracelet is stupid.

Eric is so milquetoast and his "voice of reason" speech to Serena was hollow and groan inducing. This character tried to kill himself and he has never, not once, had an ounce of edge. Shouldn't the suicidal kid be, at the very least, a wild card?

I know no one will believe this since there were no witnesses (Mara wasn't home to watch GG with me last night) but I absolutely knew that Rufus and Lily's adopted kid was still alive. I knew the dad was lying and I wrote it down. I swear.

Neither Leighton Meester nor Ed Westwick will ever be nominated for an Emmy which is why the Emmys are meaningless

Showgirls. Really, Jenny? That's a bit dated. What about Troll 2 or Zombie Strippers?

I made that same Clueless analogy a million times over the past week. Nice work GG writers.

This episode was very middle of the road. I'm not feeling the drama and no Dorota. I'm very disappointed. C-