Wednesday, May 13, 2009

An Open Letter to Danny Gokey

Dear Danny Gokey,

You're the worst.

I have diligently watched this season of American Idol and that is the only conclusion I can come to. You are a poor man's Taylor Hicks. Yes, Taylor Hicks is better than you. Don't believe me? You Tube Taylor Hicks' performance of "You Are So Beautiful" and then watch yours (you know, the performance which Simon called "a master class vocal" because he anointed you final 2 at the start of the season and can't turn back now no matter how much it's hurting his credibility as someone who is supposed to judge talent). Guess what Gokey? Hicks blows you out of the water.

Listen Danny, it's no secret that I don't like you. I really don't like you and I think that you've ascended to this spot unfairly in every single respect. I am positive had the producers of Idol chose not to focus on you so much during the audition process and during Hollywood week you would not be in this position. Further, I know for a fact that had you not had a dead wife, you wouldn't have made it to the Top 10. You have had only one memorable performance this whole competition and that was when you gave easily the worst Idol performance of the year last week with your awkward and tone-deaf imagining of "Dream On."

Danny, I think you're smug. I think you think you're great. I think it's embarrassing when you clap for yourself after your performances and even more so when you exclaim "Thank You!!!" to the audience as if you were some sort of rock star or Oscar winner. I hated how you screwed up your duet with Kris by effing up the words, thus effing Kris up and never owning up to it - especially after Simon said you were better than him. That was low. I hated how when Kris tried to engage you during the duet, you refused to look at him. I hate that you're still in this competition and I hate how the judges force you down America's throat each and every week especially when they gave you an "A for effort" last week, which is ludicrous. They would never have given Matt Giraud an A for effort, or Anoop or anyone else - only you. And while we're on this, if you're in the top 4 and all you can get is "good effort" you don't deserve to be there. I hated when, on results night last week you talked about how you watched your performance of "Dream On" and laughed about it. That's so condescending to the people who deserved to still be there, namely everyone else and especially to the person who was sent home that night who absolutely killed her two performances while you admitted that you sucked. You're such a dick.

I hate your necklaces and your stupid glasses and when you said "I meditated on it for a while" - shut up, Gokey! I hated when you had your hands all over Allison during the cake fight. She's a child and you're a gross, old man. I hate your dumb smirk. I hate your dancing. I hate when you pretend to act all "goofy". I hate it all.

Danny, you know a lot of people who know me may say this is just sour grapes because Allison's gone and at 17 has so much more class and talent than you. And they're not totally wrong, but they're not totally right either. Yes, I loved Allison. I thought she was great and definitely think she should have been final two with Adam. However, I was on the I-hate-Danny bus long before, and it's been documented here.

Danny,again - you're the worst. It's a travesty that you're still in this competition and, if there's any justice at all you'll be gone tonight and it will be the last I ever have to see of you. You're only shot to become relevant is winning this thing and if you win this thing, well then I quit.

Sincerely,

Pat

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

I couldnt agree more with you on this, i HATE Gokey! Chris Allen should win, cuz hes already won my heart..and a spot in my "Katie Beers" type sex dungeon...thats all..........

Blanket said...

this is great. and yeah danny, how many effing pairs of glasses do you need? pat and i decided you must be sponsored by that dumb glasses company you always wear. and i liked you from the start but now i think if you beat out kris for the top 2 i'm going to have to quit also.

Zlata said...

Well said!!!!

PA said...

As I have said before,"get a life"